Nursing & Depression

[carpe_de_em]

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant.

I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. Now I am totally burned out, on major meds, and am seeking disability d/t depression/anxiety.

I beleive years of long hours, high stress, high expectations and little appreciation (from management, not patients) has contributed to this.

How many other jobs consider you a tratior b/c you call in sick? And trying to get off for a sick child is an unforgivable sin. How many other jobs want you to work overtime on the days you are scheduled, call you at all hours of the night or day when you are off, first pleading w/ you to come in, then laying a guilt trip on you if you say "NO!" And let's not forget the mandatory inservices and CEU's that take time away from your family.

If any profession should understand the importance of the individuals' physical, mental, social and spiritual self it should be nursing--after all we are taught in nursing school about treating the patient as a whole, not just a disease! Why don't we treat our staff the same way.

Anyone out there in the same boat?

[markuy06]

This is only an opinion.

We witness first hand how the meds make a difference in people. We give give give till our own hearts can't give to our selves or our families anymore. Our husbands can't take the change and responsibility of everything, which is why the nursing profession has so many divorces. I also feel that we come from dysfunctional families and feel that if we care more and express our soft caring side all the time that we will get the same in return. When that doesn't happen, our picture perfect family and work fall apart causing what is known as depression.

Has anyone figured out what this chemical imbalance is? And when does it start to show? How long does this imbalance take to reach the noticeable stage? When is enough enough? How bad is bad?

As for Tom's opinion he has found ways to hide it but when it hits him it will hit him hard. Or maybe he just hasn't had that one thing that will start him down ward. I see depression in a lot of people but few admit that they need help with counseling or anti-depression med.

The med. Only hides the symptoms for a while and when on them where were my emotions? I was on paxal and effexor only to increase with intense symptoms counseling is the only thing that really helped me I no-longer take the meds. And have my feelings back, I can cry now and feel love again, and dissatisfaction, and happy for who I am and what I choose to do for a living. I can truthfully say I love my career and myself. My family have their Mom, wife, sister, friend and most of all Me. I have grown a lot with counseling thanks to a brave, sincere, honest, open-minded counselor.

Thanks for letting me vent.

markuy

[sphinx, BSN, RN]

carpe-de-em,

you sound so much how I feel...I wish it weren't so.

A big part of me still wants to swallow bunch more pills before bed. i find it hard to get the thought out of my head. my husband understands because he hs some depresiion himself, although has had much better luck stabalizing on meds. i need to check my voice mail for my assignment tomorrow. i'd rather put a bullet through my head. no worries there, we have no such thing around here. i need out.

oh and cargal, i am seeing a gi doc.....had a egd done thi s week. however, this cramping is different than my other gi probs......my husband had a bug last week and felt just horrid too, for a good 4 days.

anyway, i better just go up to bed fast before i do something i regret. thnks for the extra support tonight, i really needed it!!!

[mattsmom81]

BIG HUGS ((((Sphinx and Carpe))))

I hope you both have good internal med docs who will look at physical causes for your depression as well as psych causes...i feel many docs want to hand us a 'feel better pill' and don't bother to look at physical causes such as hormonal imbalance, hypothyroidism, viral and postviral syndromes, allergies, sensitivities, and toxicities...among others .

A clue to folks with GI troubles: When your GI tract is messed up one gets a 'leaky gut' meaning toxins are not eliminated properly and can build up in the body causing symptoms consistent with depression, fatigue, flu like symptoms etc. This was the case for me...and only in treating the underlying PROBLEMS have I been able to feel better. I also tested positive for Epstein Barr (the mono virus that remains dormant within us and can rear its ugly head again when we are compromised) I'm also hypothyroid and perimenopausal...and have had 2 surgeries in the past 6 months where I was given megadoses of abx which killed off my 'helpful' bowel bacteria...compounding the irritable bowel problems. ALL these things in a predisposed person can lead to illness and severe depression. BUT an antidepressant pill alone did not and could not 'fix' me. It requires a multi faceted attack and an internal med doc is a great resource, IMO.. I would also recommend a holistic practitioner such as a NP, DO or an MD who is up on holistic trends. I have found my DO to be very empathetic and caring...and kept at it til we found the source of my problems.

Please...those who are depressed.... take time for yourselves and get the appropriate rest and help you need so you can begin the journey towards healing. It took me 8 months off work to really focus on a plan to feel better...but I needed that 'sabbatical' away from the demanding, stressful NURSING JOB to even begin the process.

Those who may feel hopeless and want to check out...I have been there...many here have....try to look to those of us who HAVE found our way out of depression and try to keep pluggin'....it IS possible to survive this and feel better :)

Prayers for all and best wishes always.:kiss

[Youda]

Excellent post, mattsmom81! Us depressives often focus so much on the mood aspects of the disease, that we forget to look at the possible physical causes.

And you are right, there is hope. I hate to say it when others are still suffering. But, I limped along for a long time without getting help. Meds got me to a place I could start helping myself, and I give them about 50% of the success. The rest has come from me. Full-spectrum lights, a personal goal to find something that gives me a good belly laugh once a day, meditation, stress management, assertiveness training, alternative therapies, and the list gets longer. It's been a hard, long fight. Next week I may tumble back into the pit. But, for now, I've added one more thing to my self-healing, every night I thank God for giving me one good day.

[mattsmom81]

Good points, Youda, and didn't mean to be knocking meds....my meds got my healing kickstarted too...by letting me get some valuable sleep and stop the obsessing long enough to think rationally and reach out for help. Thanks for pointing that out!

And hope I'm not coming off preachy to those still 'down in the slimy pit'... (that's how I felt.. )... I'm just trying to reflect hope and encouragment... as I remember well feeling the feelings.

I guess I am so thrilled to be OUT of that dark place I'm a bit giddy...hope I haven't turned anyone here off...sorry.

I know I may backslide and I'm trying to prepare for this should it happen. I'm taking things day by day.

:kiss ya'll!

[Youda]

Oh, please don't think I was commenting negatively, mattsmom81!!! I was trying to agree with you, however clumsily it may have come out. Like you, I am so grateful to be getting some relief from the crushing depression. I live in constant terror that the meds will stop helping, like they have for some of the others. So, like you, it's just one day at a time, and thanking God at the end of each day that He gave me one more day without it, one more good day.

[sphinx, BSN, RN]

Thanks for last night.......I didn't get called to work today, tomorrow may be another story, but we'll see when the time comes. I'm not having the abdominal cramping as bad as I have been. One bad bout this am, since then I've been ok. I even ate some oatmeal and a sandwich, even got out of the house.

Oh yes, and I *do* have a good internest, so is wonderful and helpful and has really listened to be and gone to bat for me. I have my thyroid checked about twice a year, along with other things....hct, iron, recently had folic acid checked, have my B12 checked, she even gave me an injection when I was only borderline low, just to see if it might help. Hormonally, I had a TAH/LSO in may, and that

*did* mess me up at first, as it took a few weeks for my remaining ovary to "wake up". Everyone now says it should be functioning well now, and frankly, I don't have other symptoms related to hormone deficiency. (having had them post op, and when I was on Lupron, I know what to look out for).

My mood has been up and down today. One minute I seem ok, can laugh a little with my husband, the next I am crying. Up and down, up and down, like a roller coaster. I'd almost rather be all down, than be teased by the occasional glimpses or "up". Oh I don't know. Also, as today is here, I am having second thoughts about just up and putting in my notice.......I don't want to go without income. Maybe for a couple weeks, I'll have my last check and my paid out vacation, but frankly, I don't want to give up some of what we have now. On the other hand i need a change, before the job kills me. I need to work this out, and soon.......

ps, I see I made a lot of typos....sorry, I am too tired to change them, please overlook!

[Youda]

Hey sphinx!!!! :)

Don't worry about the mood swings. I know they make you think you're going crazy(ier?). But, it's a good sign. It may be the beginning of an upswing. BTW: do you associate the lessening of stomach cramps and feeling a little better with being away from work ? ? ? ? ? THINK ABOUT IT!

[nal]

To sphinx

I am so sorry to hear about your depression. Thankyou for being so honest, you do not need to feel any shame. Remember this is an illness and just like any other will take time to heal. Youda's advice sounded pretty good but when you are in that deep dark hole you feel so alone, I wish I could show you some footholes to climb out as there is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes do concentrate on those things that matter most to you everything else can be replaced. It sounds like you have a supportive husband and he is probably helping as much as he knows how too. When I had depression I know that I had very high unachievable expectations of myself and I went through a stage where I had to accept myself for who I was. I also learn't to resist meeting everyone elses expectations (I was raised with perfectionists). Sometimes I think that I am actually glad I went through the experience as I feel I gained so much more wisdom than I would have otherwise. Trust your intuition and take the break you feel you need.

[abrenrn]

Hi guys,

I've been gone about a week - kind of a vacation, saw Broadway shows and the opera. It was interesting - many highs and lows yet not, I think, bipolar disorder.

This goes with what Youda was saying - due to several factors, for the time being my depression seems almost gone - first time in years. Now I'm catching up on all the stuff that I've missed. Sometimes the experiences make me very happy, some of the realities I find make me very sad, even angry.

Having learned to monitor myself over a long time, I'm pretty sure I'm being normal. However, people who think of me as a "depressed" person think it's BPD. Oh well. Haven't reached psychosis.

For me, meds have been extremely important. Gave me the ability to move. For carpe deum, I think the loss of a med that had helped along with the move has put you at risk. Unfortunately, the local psychiatric community is either incompetent or nonexistant. Courses of action (hard for depressed but must be top priority) - get what you need. Try a primary care doc if there are any decent ones, speak you history, tell him what worked, see if he/she will prescribe. If you have medical insurance call them. Ask to speak to manager or something. Tell them current physician refuses to rx something that worked well, refuses to even consider it or look it up.

If you must, go back to the town you were in. Or, call old MD and see if he will call in for you while you try to find someone who is current in their practice.

Personally, I only see psychiatrists until they reach a level of medication that helps then are unable to go further. Then I go to PCP to rx meds. I went back last time cause I read about new treatment options. He finally got to the one I thought would work, really hasn't done anything since, so I no longer need him.

BTW, Youda, I've become a strong believer in Maslow and hierarchy (hard to self actualize while starving).

And Mario - you promised not to post anymore then you did! As a real nurse, I've learned that's not a good practice. Don't promise unless you mean it then keep the promise you made. Yes, yes, I know how you suffered living with depressed family members. I bet they were depressed just to make your life difficult. Please keep your promise about not posting here. It would be better if you dealt with the source of the hostility instead of dumping it on people you don't know who happen to have the same problem. I never even knew you, I did not get depressed to make your life difficult.

Anne

[micro, RN]

wow, I am up too late, and need some sleep.....but want to come back here.....and say hey......

to all health, peace, rest, good sleep.......

less stress, balance, acceptance and growth.......

in this world.....we all walk.....

and we can be there for each other and "talk".......

to sphinx and carpe ......... xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

you are not alone.........

to youda, matt's mom....and so many more.....

right on, right on.........

to my friends, fellow nurses, students.....and fellow walkers in this life............

thanks for looking outside of yourself towards another.........

for the good of all, but I am just one........

I am rambling.....it is late,

but today is okay.....if not great.....

love and peace all,

micro

[mattsmom81]

Glad to hear you're feeling improvement Anne! It's a great feeling when we start seeing 'life out there' again...LOL!