Has anybody here lost a preemie?

Jolie, BSN · Mar 2, 2004

Has anyone here lost a preemie (son, daughter, niece, nephew, grandchild, etc.)? If so, do you celebrate their birthdays and how? Thank you! And happy birthday to my twin cousins! They would have been 1 year old! :balloons:

My heartfelt condolences to your family.

I have never lost a live-born infant, but did experience a pregnancy loss, and I worked on the grief support team in our NICU. I hope I can offer some insight. The pregnancy I lost was too early to have an ultrasound or have heard a heartbeat, yet it was no less real to me than the 2 healthy babies I have since been blessed with. I named my little boy, have an image in my mind of what he would have looked like, and think of him often. There are a few people whom I feel close enough to that I have shared my thoughts and feelings about this baby, and we occasionally talk about him. Doing so brings me no sadness anymore. Although it once did, I still felt the need to talk about him, and was grateful for the people who understood this.

Many parents who have lost infants express frustration and pain that they feel unable to talk about their babies. Well meaning friends tell them to move on. People feel awkward mentioning the baby for fear that it will cause the parents unnecessary pain. For the most part, that simply isn't so. These parents can think of little else than their precious lost infants, and want to remember them by talking about them. Usually they welcome the opportunity.

My suggestion would be to contact the babies' parents and ask them if there is anything special you can do to remember the twins' birthday. Perhaps they would welcome company on that day. If they prefer to be alone, send a note or a floral arrangement to recognize the day. I think it will gladen their hearts to know that you remember their babies on their special day, and to know that they are not alone.

live4today, RN · Mar 2, 2004

:balloons: balloons for the twins! :kiss

i lost a granddaughter who was born a preemie in the winter of 1994. i always think of her, especially around christmas as she was born just two weeks shy of christmas day. my daughter (her mom) had a birthday of her own just one week after my granddaughter was born and died. that december was a very sad time for our family, especially for my daughter as that was her first baby. we've placed a teddy bear on her gravesite on memorial day, but moved out of the state where she is buried. i must go back there this year just to sit by her grave and tell her gramma loves her and thinks of her a lot. :scrying:

Burnt Out, ASN, RN · Mar 2, 2004

first of all, my deepest condolences to your family. sending big angel kisses to the twins!! :balloons:

my first child was born at 32 weeks due to pih and complications from it. we didn't know until blake was born how sick he was-he was born with multiple birth defects. he died from complications of a congenital heart defect, tetralogy of fallot. he was with us for 12 wonderful days :crying2: and he is greatly missed by his dad and me every day.

i made a website in his memory-it has a lot of details if you would be interested in reading. here is the link: my son's website (i apologize in advance-some of the pics are a little fuzzy on his site-trying to get it corrected)

the only birthday we have celebrated of blake's thus far is his 1st birthday. i bought him a cake and balloons. his dad and i went to the cemetary where he is and "gave" his balloons to him-i also had little gifts for him that we left on his marker. we went out to eat to celebrate blake's birthday and came home and released balloons.

i speak for myself, but i have many friends who i have met since blake died. the most important thing is to keep their memory alive. i can't put into words how much it hurts to have his birthday "forgotten" just because he is not here. also, holidays are hard-mother's day, father's day, easter, halloween, thanksgiving, and christmas are just...

do call the twins' parents-sometimes they want to be alone and that is ok. send them a card and maybe include a birthday card for the twins. if the parents have no objections, take balloons or flowers to the twins' resting place-you can write a message to them on the balloons. sending the parents flowers on their little ones birthday is very sweet too.

the most important thing is to let them know you are thinking of them and their little angels too.

Burnt Out, ASN, RN · Mar 2, 2004

(((((jolie))))))....just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your little one.

((((cheerfuldoer))))...so sorry about your little grandaughter. it is nice to visit them and "talk" to them, but she hears you where ever you may be :)

ktwlpn, LPN · Mar 2, 2004

Has anyone here lost a preemie (son, daughter, niece, nephew, grandchild, etc.)? If so, do you celebrate their birthdays and how? Thank you! And happy birthday to my twin cousins! They would have been 1 year old! :balloons:

yes...and no...I do appreciate it when a friend or family remembers the event...A note or card would be welcomed I am sure....We have planted a tree and made a small garden area in rememberance.A friend gave us the tree.....

carriec · Mar 2, 2004

i just want you to know that i work in a nicu where babies pass, and their family always stay in my thoughts and prayers. the nurses that work with me talk of different babies all of the time, and i feel like every family is special.even though your granddaughter is gone, i know many people that you don't even know are thinking and praying for her and her family! :crying2:

:balloons: balloons for the twins! :kiss
i lost a granddaughter who was born a preemie in the winter of 1994. i always think of her, especially around christmas as she was born just two weeks shy of christmas day. my daughter (her mom) had a birthday of her own just one week after my granddaughter was born and died. that december was a very sad time for our family, especially for my daughter as that was her first baby. we've placed a teddy bear on her gravesite on memorial day, but moved out of the state where she is buried. i must go back there this year just to sit by her grave and tell her gramma loves her and thinks of her a lot.