hard time

Published

love being a NICU nurse, but it's very hard.

i work in a large Level III unit, and everyone has their own opinion on how to do things properly. they all contradict each other. i have one person tell me that i'm wrong and i should do something one way ... then i have another person tell me THAT's wrong and to do it another way. i have had people flat-out tell me that the way management wants us to do certain things, is wrong. as soon as i feel comfortable that i am doing something the 'right' way ... another person comes along and tells me it's wrong. i have even been chewed out in front of parents by a unit clerk, over something totally insignificant! so yeah ... not good for my new-nurse confidence. i feel like i am doing something wrong no matter what, all the time. it doesn't help that policies and rules are often ambiguous or change all the time, either. it would be nice if someone told me 'good job' once in a while ... but all i ever hear is, 'you should do it this way, this is the way i do it, this is the right way.'

i have also had other nurses chime in and cut me off when i'm talking to parents --- i have no idea how to tell these people that they're being really rude, without offending them. then again, sometimes i get really nervous around parents, because i don't want to say the wrong thing or give the wrong information. i have low self-esteem and social anxiety which can be very difficult at times ... when parents are watching me like a hawk (understandable, because they are worried about their newborn preemie) it makes me so nervous i can barely work at times.

another part is that fitting in as a new nurse is ridiculously hard. a lot of nurses on my unit have been there 20, 30, 35 years or more. some of them act like i am not even good enough to breathe the same air as them! seriously, they give me a dirty look and act like i am scum, and they don't even know me. i do a damned good job, i try my best, i graduated nursing school with a 4.0 -- i bend over backwards to be nice to everyone, be sweet, humble, thank everyone for their help --- and yet some of these prima donnas won't even give me the courtesy of saying hello with a smile. instead, they look at me like i'm unfit to even be alive. ALL of this NICU stuff is new for me ... we don't learn it in school! during orientation, we didn't even get to do certain things, or only got to do them a few times. i am trying SO HARD to do everything perfectly, but every day, all i hear about are things that so-and-so thinks i should have done differently. the majority of the newer nurses are nicer, but even the nurses who have only been there for a year or two seem cliqueish.

i know that all new nurses probably feel this way, and i know some of the other nurses on the unit feel the same. i guess i am just very sensitive, and it bothers me. i can't ever imagine treating anyone, the way some of these nurses treat me.

working nights is hard, too. my husband and child are unhappy because i'm tired all the time ... i have been working a lot of overtime to try to help out with our finances, and instead of telling me i am doing a good job by sacrificing myself for the family --- my husband reams me out and tells me basically that i'm a bad mother because i'm too tired to be as playful with our kid as i should be, or too tired to stay awake and hang out with him. i'm not going to do any more overtime ... but it still hurts. all our bills were behind, my husband isn't making as much money as he used to ... i was just tring to help provide.

just feeling like i am a failure all around.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICN.

You sound like you are having a really rough time. First, take a breath and give yourself a break. You're new there and the first year is always the toughest. Is there anyone on staff that you feel confident to talk to? (is there a person in the hospital that nurses are encouraged to go to, like a psychologist?) I know that I didn't feel like I understood much of what I was doing the first year.

What about your preceptor? Did you get along with her and maybe you could ask her about a couple of procedures or techniques that have you puzzled or that you didn't work on previously? Is there a policy and procedure manual in the unit? Look up things that you are doing, or ones you want to learn and print out a copy to have at the bedside to read over before starting procedures, even ones you have done before. We do that often where I work, even old nurses like me.

Possibly talk to a charge nurse or nurse practitioner about the policies and procedures. Why do other nurses contradict policy? Is there a better way to do things and maybe the policy needs to be updated? Is there a committee to work on this? Maybe you could join a committee like that, or a committee on quality control to monitor how people are doing procedures.

It is very difficult to be low nurse on the totem pole. You feel picked on and not smart enough because others have much more experience than you do. Try to make friends with one or two nurses. Try to ignore the rude and cruel comments and stares from the others who are just trying to shake your confidence. Because, although it is hard to believe, they are the ones feeling insecure if they are doing that kind of behavior instead of welcoming a new nurse into the fold.

Maybe work less overtime? Just for a month or so, to spend time with your family and really talk to your husband and child admit how stressed out you are. Because if you are this stressed out now, it's dangerous for your health and your work.

Take care and remember to breathe! I just took an online class on stress for nurses: breathe. get lots of rest, good food, don't smoke and maybe take up yoga or walking. I know yoga does me good.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Acute care, Community Med, SANE, ASC.

I'm just starting to pick up some time in NICU so I can't help you with specifics in that area but I absolutely agree you should not work overtime right now. It's hard enough being a new nurse and unless it is absolutely necessary to your finances I wouldn't do it. You have to get out of the hospital every now and then and have a life and get some perspective. Incidentally, I don't think overtime is a good idea at any time in your nursing career--at least for me the job is too mentally, physically and emotionally draining to work anymore than full-time. Hang in there--things really do come together at some point and start to make sense. I know what you mean about the contradictions but you will find your own way--agree that checking policy is a good way to start and it covers your butt if push comes to shove.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

thank you. i really appreciate your replies.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It sounds like nobody on your unit knows what is going on. You need to look up your hospital policies and print them out and put them in a folder and keep them with you. Make sure you are doing your job correctly.

The unit clerk has no business chewing you out in front of anyone. That is completely not right. I want you to know that incident has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. This person must feel powerless in her life or job and must need to find someone to 'top' on order to feel important. The newest person on the unit sounds about right. I feel that you may need to speak to her and let her know that if she has something she needs to speak with you about, that you will be glad to speak with her about it when the time is right, let her know that acting like that in front of a family reflect poorly on the entire unit.

Please send me a pm if you want to talk more. I hate to go into too much detail on a public message board.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

:nurse:It sounds like you're working in a unit where "the nurses eat their young" I was lucky enough to land in an ICN 25 years ago where everyone is kind & supportive of each other. It still is that way, it's the culture of our Unit, a collective attempt to welcome newcomers I'm sorry you got stuck in the wrong ICN.

love being a NICU nurse, but it's very hard.

i work in a large Level III unit, and everyone has their own opinion on how to do things properly. they all contradict each other. i have one person tell me that i'm wrong and i should do something one way ... then i have another person tell me THAT's wrong and to do it another way. i have had people flat-out tell me that the way management wants us to do certain things, is wrong. as soon as i feel comfortable that i am doing something the 'right' way ... another person comes along and tells me it's wrong. i have even been chewed out in front of parents by a unit clerk, over something totally insignificant! so yeah ... not good for my new-nurse confidence. i feel like i am doing something wrong no matter what, all the time. it doesn't help that policies and rules are often ambiguous or change all the time, either. it would be nice if someone told me 'good job' once in a while ... but all i ever hear is, 'you should do it this way, this is the way i do it, this is the right way.'

i have also had other nurses chime in and cut me off when i'm talking to parents --- i have no idea how to tell these people that they're being really rude, without offending them. then again, sometimes i get really nervous around parents, because i don't want to say the wrong thing or give the wrong information. i have low self-esteem and social anxiety which can be very difficult at times ... when parents are watching me like a hawk (understandable, because they are worried about their newborn preemie) it makes me so nervous i can barely work at times.

another part is that fitting in as a new nurse is ridiculously hard. a lot of nurses on my unit have been there 20, 30, 35 years or more. some of them act like i am not even good enough to breathe the same air as them! seriously, they give me a dirty look and act like i am scum, and they don't even know me. i do a damned good job, i try my best, i graduated nursing school with a 4.0 -- i bend over backwards to be nice to everyone, be sweet, humble, thank everyone for their help --- and yet some of these prima donnas won't even give me the courtesy of saying hello with a smile. instead, they look at me like i'm unfit to even be alive. ALL of this NICU stuff is new for me ... we don't learn it in school! during orientation, we didn't even get to do certain things, or only got to do them a few times. i am trying SO HARD to do everything perfectly, but every day, all i hear about are things that so-and-so thinks i should have done differently. the majority of the newer nurses are nicer, but even the nurses who have only been there for a year or two seem cliqueish.

i know that all new nurses probably feel this way, and i know some of the other nurses on the unit feel the same. i guess i am just very sensitive, and it bothers me. i can't ever imagine treating anyone, the way some of these nurses treat me.

working nights is hard, too. my husband and child are unhappy because i'm tired all the time ... i have been working a lot of overtime to try to help out with our finances, and instead of telling me i am doing a good job by sacrificing myself for the family --- my husband reams me out and tells me basically that i'm a bad mother because i'm too tired to be as playful with our kid as i should be, or too tired to stay awake and hang out with him. i'm not going to do any more overtime ... but it still hurts. all our bills were behind, my husband isn't making as much money as he used to ... i was just tring to help provide.

just feeling like i am a failure all around.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

thank you everyone ---

weebabyrn -- i would like to message with you.

i don't think i can send messages here yet, though --- (not enough posts) --

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion