Grieving Nurse

[itsaboutime]

Hi Everyone, I really just needed a place to express my grief. I have been an LPN for about 25 years, mostly in LTC with a few short stints in other areas. For the last year and a half I have been a home care nurse for a beautiful little boy with significant developmental problems and some minor health issues. I was with this little angel 12 hrs a day 3-4 days a week and over time came to love this boy as if he was my own. Never in my career have I become so attached to a patient. A little over a week ago he unexpectedly passed away during the night, and worse, I was the one who found him that morning. I am just devastated, and having a difficult time expressing my grief because i was "just the nurse". The thing is I was really more mom than mom was, she was rarely around and when she was she barely paid any attention to him. Not saying that she didn't care about his welfare but no real motherly feelings. I guess I just need to get out how much I love this child and that I miss him so much it hurts. I have not been back to work since and don't think I can do home care anymore especially peds. Im not even sure I can do nursing anymore at this point. Well thanks for listening, it feels a little better just getting that out.

[patty89]

I am so sorry to hear this. Is can be really tough when you get attached to someone like that. Is there someone around that you can talk to? It might take you a long time to feel even a little bit better but dont leave nursing. you are obviously very good at what you do and are a very compassionate nurse. We need more nurses like you.

[agldragonRN]

so sorry for your loss. this is what sucks about our job. death and dying is the one i dislike the most. i know it's part of life and our job but i just hate this part especially when you get attached to your patients. we are not supposed to but we are humans and it's natural to get attached especially when you like the patient.

please talk to someone. do you have e.a.p. at work? maybe you can try that route? please don't leave nursing because of this. many more patients need a nurse like you.

[nursel56]

Dear itsabouttime,

I am so sorry to hear about this loss. I work in private duty/homecare, too. And though we are always told not to get attached, it's very difficult not to when you are one to one for many hours during every week.

I agree with the above suggestions. Above all, don't try to shoo away your grief or minimize it's impact because you were his nurse. You will go through the grief process anyway.

In time you will work through it - right now isn't the time to think about leaving the profession altogether.

You might want to share this in the Private Duty Forum, as there are many people who have gone through exactly what you are and who can offer comfort and support.

Please feel free to PM me if you want/need to share anything.

(((hugs))) to you. :redpinkhe

ed to add: you will need to have 15 posts before you can PM.

[ruthalittle]

I'm really sorry for your your loss. While everyone will be (appropriately) giving condolences to the family, you also suffered a terrible loss. I think that it's inevitable that at some point we all develope a stronger than usual attachment to at least one pt. I can't even imagine if it were a child. I won't work in peds because I know I couldn't handle it. If all nurses felt like me, who would be there for the children?

How wonderful for this little guy that he had you. I also hope that you don't leave nursing. I've worked with far too many ppl over the years who seemed very mechanical & cold.