Grief in Nursing

[Silas]

Hey guys, how do you manage and deal with all the grief and sadness we see in healthcare?

I am graduating this May with a BSN and working as an aid in an acute ICU. I absolutely love critical care and nursing as a whole, but the amount of pain & sadness that we see on a daily basis has been weighing on me for a week or so. I find it especially challenging when families are coming in to find their loved ones clinging to advanced life support or reading about cancer diagnoses in charts. To see an elderly woman looking at her husband of fifty years unconscious and hooked up to a vent is an indescribable experience. Or the scans showing CA mets to every possible part of someones body. How do you deal with it? Can you really just leave it all at work? I am interested in hearing the guys point of view on this one.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

It is hard. I have a pretty utilitarian outlook. Disease, aging, death and dying are all part of life. They are a natural process that will happen to all of us. Sure it is sad, but you can gain so much satisfaction from helping the sick and their families. People need to be heard and it is your job to listen. You can also offer a ton of information that will make them feel better. You have the medical ability to give your patient every chance to recover. Sometimes nothing we do can turn the tide. Very occasionally I'll take some home with me, but these people have lived. I guess I see the glass is half full and feel good about being part of the solution. You have to maintain some professional detachment both to do your job, and to stay happy at home. And speaking of home, nothing keeps the boat level like having your personal life together. Not everyone can balance it but most can. Best of luck.

[RNvocalist]

Develop a sick and disgusting sense of humor.

[justashooter]

you may be facing the question of your own mortality, in disguise. talk with some other male nurses about this in person. see how they cope. learn to accept the fact that we are all going to die soon, and nothing else will faze you.

[NurseGuy30]

I'm a first year student nurse, nontraditional. Been a hospital nursing tech for about a year and a half. I worked for the first year on a medical and oncology unit.

I struggled with depression for the first three to six months that I worked. I used to care for patients who were in and out of the hospital, sometimes for weeks. And then they would die slow, agonizing deaths or (if they were lucky) go home on hospice, usually in excruciating pain.

I don't really know what the answer is. How did I deal with it? I suppose I got desensitized. But not totally. My heart sometimes still squirms when I see family around the bed of a vented patient who probably won't make it. What do you say? What can you tell them? Not much.

There are still names of patients who will probably never leave me, advice and good wishes from patients long gone that still mean a lot. You serve them in any way you can. I grew into my grief, or up in my grief, I guess. Now I can handle it better, and don't take it home, generally. You get used to it.

I'm generally an upbeat person, and now I find things to enjoy about work every day. That all being said, I have to admit it sucked at first. I stuck with it because I knew I wanted to be a nurse. But I drank more often for those first few months.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

You might find some helpful discussions in some of these threads:

Nurses Coping with Personal Grief

Spiritual Beliefs and End-of-Life Care

Self-Assessment of Your Beliefs about Death and Dying

[Davey Do]

Develop a sick and disgusting sense of humor.

This is an example of something Edgar Caycee said, and a tenet I like to adhere to: "Overcome fear by seeing the funny yet ridiculous side of every situation."

My hat's off to you, RNvocalist.

Dave

[RN1980]

dave & rnvocalist hit the nail on the head. you can tend to see some humor in almost every bad situation. it sounds awful to the person on the street, but for many in this feild its how you keep from becomming a huddled sobing mess curled up in the corner of the truama room. even with the dark sense of humor i have developed (with the help of many a co-worker) i still find myself taking home painfully sad memories. but i am no superman and often a few good shots of coke and crown royal with coor light beer chasers and watching "the bachelor party" with a few pals help me recover. with all that been said, dont be afraid to let your emotions show,it dont mean your weak, as long as you can function while bawling.