Going back to HPRP now that I have passed the NCLEX

[iloveclay]

I'll try and keep this short and sweet. Back in 1986, I was fired from my job as an RN for diverting. I subsequently had my nursing license suspended for 6 mos and 1 day in Feb 1989. I applied for reinstatement in May 1990 but was denied. I then went on to school and received a degree in Mechanical Engineering in 1993. I went to work in the auto industry and was laid off in June 2006. And thought maybe I would return to nursing.

So I reapplied for reinstatement. I hired an atty and had an administrative hearing in April 2007. The law judge's decision was that I had met all the requirements and my license should be reinstated. Next, it went to the BON and they accepted the law judge's decision and ordered several things.

1. I had to take the NCLEX. I did in October 2008 and passed.

2. Do 80 hours of clinical. I am taking a class at the local college and will be finished in June.

3. Last but not least is HPRP.

I had started HPRP a year a ago but since I couldn't practice(no license) . They allowed me to complete the NCLEX and the clinical first. So that time is almost here.

My problem is that last yr when I started all of this. They threw the book at me. 2 yrs of weekly group meetings, random urine drops, seeing an addictionist, a narcotic restriction, restiction on when and where I work. At that time, I had no medical insurance. So that was another problem.

I'm writing because in the intervening years I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2003 and my pschy doc said I was using to avoid feeling depressed and to avoid the mood swigns and crying spells. I had all thses mood swings, etc my whole way through college and always attributed to the fact that I had no money, no car and college was hard for me. ANd yet after I finished college and was working I continued to have the mood swings. So in my heart I know I am not a drug addict or an alcoholic. I have not used since that day I was fired many years ago nor do I drink.

A year ago I saw an addictinist who was questioning the omission of attending AA and having a sponser from my tzx plan. I stopped attending AA meetings when I graduated college. I waited in this jackass's office for 5 hours on Good Friday to hear all of this. I was so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I am to begin again with HPRP. Now I have Medicare and am receving SS disability for two hip replacements and my bipolar disorder. I really don't have a problem with random urine drops since I don't drink or do drugs. I do think maybe they could decrease the length of time for probation but they won't. This all happened so many years ago that I really don't even think about it.

Part of me, just wants to forget about all the hassle but SS disability doesn't pay all my bills. I do have the option of subbing(teacher) since I have a enough credits.

I am really questioning if I want to go through all this crap. It is making me feel very angry and resentful . I am really debating if I want to follow through.

Any input/advice would be appreciated. To me, it just seems to be a non-issue. It all happened so long ago.

Thanks Debbie

[comp]

Can you appeal the HPRP part of the decision, it dosn't sound like you need to do it. Remember HPRP is a for-profit organization and like any business they make their money off their customers like us so they'll take you if they can.

[SWS RN, ASN, RN]

First of all, good luck. It shows a lot of determination and guts to take the NCLEX again, so, please don't give up.

I don't believe that they "threw the book" at you...that is a pretty standard contract for narcotic diversion no matter when it took place. The incident I was involved in was over 10 years ago, yet it did happen, and needed to be addressed. That is pretty much the contract I have and the people in my NS group who were involved with diversion in any form.

I would like to gently question you about the fact that you do not feel that you are a "drug addict" however, the fact remains that you diverted drugs. Nurses who do not have a problem with drugs do not divert. Period.

I can relate to the pain issues you may have had in the past and may still have now as I also have had both hips replaced and both knees as well and I have rheumatiod arthritis. I live with constant pain. I, through the Grace of God, am now Drug free and have been for 1 year and 5 months and 18 days (but who's counting). Am I still in pain, yes. Do I want to use drugs, actually, NO! Being narcotic free feels so much better than the misery I was in while using. However, I know in head and in my heart that I am addicted. I will ALWAYS be addicted. It is a disease that I have and while it may be in "remission" ie recovery, I AM STILL A DRUG ADDICT. THe words are not pretty, but true.

I guess what I am trying to say is "how bad do you want to work as a Nurse again"?????

If you really want to practice then you must play the game.....and you may find out that those pesky meetings, AA and the Nurse Support groups,multi UDS'S and the restrictions will actually allow you to see the light. It is actually freeing when you give in and you may find that it is not really a game at all, but reality.

Again, Good Luck.

s

ps, a lot of us are bipolar. It can be controlled fairly well with appropriate medical intervention and with the help of a good psychiatrist...one who has also had experience with addiction.... It is no excuse to not participate in the IPN or whatever agency you are involved with.