Getting avoided by a nurse...in my own family

[kimbo9]

Hello you guys. First of all, I want to let you know that I admire each one of you. You inspire me to pick myself up and try again. I'm fairly new to the board. I just want to know if anyone has ever had a similar issue as this.

My sister in law and I went to nursing school at the same time, but different schools. She ended up graduating two years ago with her BSN, and I was dismissed from my ADN program because of my grades. We always got along ok. When I was in school, she would sometimes ask me about how my school did things, then would go on about how her school was harder. I just brushed it off. Seems like each semester that went by, she said less and less to me. Since she has graduated, she has totally avoided me . I had a very hard time after being dismissed and it made me depressed. She wasn't even there for me. I asked her for advice, she never gave it to me. Encouragement? No way. Now that she is a nurse, I want to ask her about her job, but she avoids having a conversation with me. She could care less what my plans are, and isn't about to ask me what my plans are in nursing. I can't understand why she is doing this to me. I have done nothing but be nice to her and encouraged her when she was in school, but she obviously has a chip on her shoulder for some reason. I thought us both becoming nurses would bring us closer, but its done just the opposite. As for me, I plan to go back this semester and start over. I believe I'll do just fine without her .

[CodyRN]

I agree with the other posters that said she may not know what to say, may feel guilty for making it, may not want to open up a bad subject for you...or simply, as a new nurse struggling (we all struggle, just in different ways) she may not have it to give. Or she just might be tired and not realize she is coming off that way. I would probably approach the subject with her in a non-threatening way and just be like, "I feel like we're not as close anymore, have I done something to offend you?" Or "I feel....are you OK?" At least it might open up the lines of communication. And if she IS a friend/family that sincerely cares about you, even though she may not be able to address her behavior directly, she will probably be sorry that she hurt you and will want you to know that. If she brushes you off, I would just give her space and time and continue to pursue your goals. By the way, I know someone that was dismissed and came back the next year and was very successful. It takes guts to come back and I admire you for that. Hang in there!

[Zookeeper3]

My best nursing buddy failed out of the final semester... was a poor test taker, would have been a great RN. We stayed close for only a short time, as you can imagine our "worlds", took us in different directions.

What I remember, and I'm not putting this on you as you've done this, but food for thought.... our conversations grew to only nursing... at some point I had to avoid it as she was in a different place, had no tolerance for my ner nurse rants and was in a different place in her life. As well, I couldn't tolerate her... that "rn" needed to do so and so and we outgrew each other.

So I'm saying, as others have said... reconnect... and if your interest is solely on family, and getting her back in your life, NEVER EVER discuss school, work. If you're perhaps leaning on her on the nursing aspect more than you may realize, she may have purposefully backed off and thats hard to hear.

So my advice is leave nursing to the clock, once she's punched out, she's simply family. May I suggest that you may come across a touch strong possibly? While the nursing link is so precious, you two have more than that to share, and she's giving you a hint that she needs space in some aspect.... Think hard about your interactions and what that may be. You are more than a nursing student.... remember that.

[wanna b]

Hi,

You will do absoluetly fine without her... Who cares concentrate on yourself and pass. I went back to school to get my R.N (i didnt finish yet) I know how you feel tho. Im a SAHM with 3 kids and get no support or acknowledgement from my family or his. Noone ever asks me hows everything going and noone calls me because they say we know your busy and you arent at home.. Well..Hello.. Im home in the afternoon and evening cause the kids are home and need still need help with thier h.w. Not that you need them to pass but its nice when people show they care alittle bit. Maybe your sisterinlaw doesnt know what to say to you cause she doesnt want to make you feel bad, or maybe she isnt doing well.. But like i said who cares look out for yourself only cause in the end only you count...

[Guest717236]

I can't understand why she is I thought us both becoming nurses would bring us closer, but its done just the opposite. As for me, I plan to go back this semester and start over. I believe I'll do just fine without her .

You will do fine! Start again new, you have all of us for support, minus the dysfunction.

Set your goals, challenge yourself and live your dreams.

I am sorry for the change, but don't let her behavior distract or derail you from your goals...

(This advise from an only child, what do I know:D)

Best wishes!

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

OP, if you have a strong desire to re-connect with her, ask her out for a lunch date. Tell her that you miss your conversations with her and that you have felt distant from her. That will open the door for further conversation.

Assumptions often kill relationships. My mother and my aunt did this for YEARS and wasted so much valuable time because one assumed that the other was angry, when in fact, there were just isolated **** storms in their respective lives and neither had an umbrella. You never know what someone is going through, even if they are close to you.

Offer the invitation and take it from there.

Good luck to you in school. I really admire you for giving it another shot!