Support at home

[janleb]

Throughout the boards I have noticed that many people that are in school do not receive support from their spouse or sig other. My hubby, when I started in 98 was not that supportive, i was taking A&P and did very well, but all I got from home was the house is not clean, you always have your nose in a book blah blah blah.......Now I am in the nursing program and finished my first yr. I think he finally got it through his thick head that I was going to do this with or without him. If you talk to him it is like I don't do anything. here is my life, I have three children boys 11,8,4. I work semi third shift 20 hrs /week, take care of the house, yard repairs ect. He brings home paycheck and goes out Fridays after work. I have an interview coming up for a Nurs Tech job at the hospital(so I will be doing this also). Through his work he has went to Florida.....Golfing, Washington DC and the INDy....Kentucky derby ect......I am really sick of his sh*****. I really needed to vent before I go crazy....thanks for listening!

[shyviolet78, LPN, LVN]

Here's a view from a different perspective. Right after we got married, my hubby decided he hated his job and he wanted to go back to get his bachelor's degree and change careers. I didn't have a problem with this per se, but I wasn't happy that his decision changed our "5 year plan." His decision forced us to push back plans to buy a home and start a family, and he didn't discuss going to school, he simply announced it one day out of the blue. I felt betrayed and, truthfully, I tried to sabotage it by complaining that he never spent time with me, complaining about wanting a baby, scheduling vacations when I knew he'd be busy studying... It caused many problems for us until we sat down one day, discussed our mutual goals and our personal goals, and what would have to be done to make both of us happy. I found out that I didn't mind delaying our plans, I just resented not being included in the decision making process, as it did affect BOTH of us. I have since decided to go back to school to become a nurse, after long discussions with hubby, and even though we make alot less money, our house is never clean and we rarely spend "quality" time together, we are both happy because it's a mutual decision that we know will be best for both of us, as well as any children that might come along in the future. My advice is, talk to your husband. Find out why he is acting this way. Tell him how his actions make you feel and then let him tell you how he feels. Work this out together. If you can't, talk to a neutral third party. Most churches offer free or sliding scale marriage counseling. However, if he is truly abusive, don't keep youself and your children in this situation. It sounds to me though, that there are some resentment issues, and they can be worked even though it seems impossible at times.

Valerie

[essarge]

Well said shy!! That was good sound advice that everyone who is having problems before starting school should take under consideration! Thanks!!! :)

[futrnurse]

I don't see that Janleb is in an abuse situation. Janleb and I have been talking on the net for almost a year now and she knows what I am talking about... I was not telling anyone to stay where abuse is happening,, but even then God can change a marriage in his timing.... So please don''t take my comments the wrong way.. Janleb wrote to me and told me she understood what I was saying and that is really what matters.. God Bless you all..

[Katmease]

I am blessed with a wonderful Hubby who supported me all the way. I still worked part-time, but he did dishes, cleaned house, cooked (he's a much better cook than me), was there for me emotionally when I had tough times & worries (I'm suprised I didn't drive him crazy about the NCLEX) & is very proud of me. Everybody thinks it's so neat that my 43 year old (I'm 39) Hubby that's a Missouri State Trooper, Sniper Team Leader, 6'4", 270 lbs. cooks & openly tells everyone how much he loves me.

I am so very proud of him too!