Really At Lost With My Girlfriend (Nursing Student) - page 3
I've been here before asking for advice. I hate to sound like I'm complaining, but I'm not. I just want to vent. I'm really ****** hurt. Excuse my language. Today was supposed to be a special day.... Read More
Jan 19, '13You need to hang in there and be her support system. Even if there is just no time for the fun stuff, you need to avoid giving her pressure and support her. Nursing is her future and right now she's going through a very important part in order to get there. She definitely doesn't need a headache or heartache. So, just understand that right now its not about you. It might not even be about the ”us” (as in you and her both) as much as she would probably like it to be. Theres no reason for you to be upset, at all.
Jan 20, '13From the day that I was accepted into nursing school I told my boyfriend, who is now my fiance, that he will be a single father until my graduation. We have 2 little ones, and even though he knew I was joking there was some truth to the comment. Nursing school is like no other and you've obviously seen that spelled out in the numerous replies that you've received, but it's the truth. I don't get to spend nearly HALF the time I would like with my fiance or children. This has cause little arguments here and there but nothing serious since we both knew what we were getting into, it was just the frustration that things had changed. If you truly want her to be successful in her course and graduate you have to back off a little. Understand that she's not ignoring you on purpose, it's just that nursing school is draining mentally, physically, and emotionally, but in the end it will all be worth it.
Hang in there!
Jan 20, '13What it comes down to is that your needs aren't being met. It really isn't fair that you're being vilified on here for that, but people will project their own feelings onto these things.
If you can handle the temporary suckiness of a relationship through a rigorous curriculum, you might just look to the future and try to not let these things get to you. Because it will happen again.
If you can't get over things like this, then the difficult choice will be whether you should continue to try to squeeze more out of this relationship than you've been getting, or look to getting your needs met somewhere else. There's nothing wrong with admitting that it's not working and exiting before things get ugly and you both truly resent each other. People will try to make you feel guilty for pursuing your own needs, but in the end you are only accountable to yourself. It doesn't make you a bad person. And leaving gracefully would always allow the possibility of getting back together sometime down the road, when you each have adequate time for each other.
Jan 21, '13One, nursing school really ISN'T like studying for other degrees. I've done that and this is WAY more difficult, just due to the time crunch demanded. If nursing students were given a full four years to complete the actual nursing requirements, probably anyone could do it; but we're not given that kind of time and all the memorization and theory is thrown at us to put into action at the same time.... It's seriously not even close to trying to get an English degree or a teaching degree.
If you are a person in a relationship who needs a lot of together time, then yeah, maybe this one isn't for you for the long haul. If you are a person who can go along for the ride, make yourself happy in the meantime with your own studies and interests, and then show up when she does have time for you, that's awesome. It's not like she's blowing you off to have fun with other friends. She's buried in the books; as are we all.
That being said, I'm realizing my husband is the best man ever.
Jan 21, '13*Hug* Because you said you needed one, which I can understand. My boyfriend was a mechanical engineering major, and he spent day and night studying while he was in school - it was very demanding and at times put a huge damper on our time together. So I want you to know that I can definitely identify with some of the loneliness you are experiencing right now.
THAT BEING SAID...
It sounds like you are taking this very, very personally, in a way that she probably doesn't mean for you to take it. She isn't rejecting you, as I think you said you felt earlier. She is doing the best she can to get through something very demanding. This has nothing to do with you, period, so you really don't need to feel bad about it (easier said than done, I know).
A lot of people are suggesting to spend time studying together. That works for some couples, but I never got much done during our study dates, so I wasn't a fan. Since my boyfriend and I are still dating and not living together or anything, I prefer to see each other only once or twice a week and not have that kind of pressure hanging over my head (spend time/study, spend time/study - that is one thing I absolutely cannot multi-task at, and maybe you are both the same way). Even if we just go out to dinner for a couple of hours, or if I go over to his house to spend the night after a 12-hour shift as a CNA, that's enough for me right now. Back when he was in school, we had a fairly similar arrangement, and it worked beautifully. I don't know if that approach might work for you, but it's something to consider. (Also: if you are living together or plan to live together in the future, especially if she's still in school, obviously you will need to learn how to be around each other without actually constantly BEING together, know what I mean? But that doesn't seem as important right now as just spending some quality time while allowing each other space to get through school successfully. That part can and definitely should come later.)
Final word of advice: when things got tough during my boyfriend's schooling, and when I started to feel very lonely, I always pushed myself to do one special thing for him that I hadn't done in a while. Make a special dinner or dessert, draw up a homemade card, write a letter, do a chore he needs to get done - anything I knew he'd really appreciate. I know you do that too, but the key is in the attitude. You cannot tell yourself that everything will get better because "she'll see how much I love her and make *me* the priority." Acting without expectations and giving freely is the only way this relationship will really survive - whether you're in school or not.
Jan 21, '13Don't feel slighted and be patient. This doesn't last forever. I have 106 days until graduation and the pressure is greater than ever for my husband and I. He's currently working nights so we hardly get to see each other at all. His birthday is tomorrow and we will go out to dinner tonight with his parents. There won't even be us time. He has, through this entire process, been an amazing champ. There are times that I know that he is feeling down about our lack of time together and slighted when I'm spending more and more time in the library, at school or at the hospital but he stays strong for me. Support her now and she will be a great support for many years to come.