Parents will kick me out if I don't drop my nursing dreams...

  1. I am about to graduate high school and not happy about it at all. My parents want me to pursue a career in medicine while I want to go into nursing. They've threatened to kick me out or not let me go to college if I don't do what they say. The fact that I want to do my nursing prerequisites at a community college makes them even more angry. I have tried to do what they want always by not getting a job when they didn't want me to, but at this rate im scared I wont be able to go to college. I've done so much research into my career path and I don't want to compromise it. Does anyone have any advice?
  2. Visit sam.sen profile page

    About sam.sen

    Joined: Jul '17; Posts: 19; Likes: 11
    from TX , US

    45 Comments

  3. by   jess.mont
    I am so sorry to hear that your parents are giving you this ultimatum. Unfortunately, your parents have the right not to finance your education if you decide to pursue something other than what they want you to. They also have the right to ask you to leave their home at 18, I suppose. Do you have a guidance counselor you can speak to at school or a trusted family counselor, family member, or adult friend? There are a number steps that you will need to take in order to become independent enough to make your own educational and housing decisions, and I think you need some expert advice.

    Best of luck to you and big virtual hugs.
  4. by   OcMurse93
    Im really sorry to hear about your predicament! Have you explored talking to them about a doctorate in nursing as opposed to a doctor of medicine? Especially given the projections for jobs in the upcoming years.

    Additionally, Nurse Anesthetists are incredibly similar to Anesthesiologists, but the training is more specialized. But essentially they do almost the same thing as an Anesthesiologist (in your parents eyes anyway).

    Lastly, you could always start as Pre-med and change your major to nursing, if nothing as to stall for time. A lot of the classes overlap.

    I really hope your parents come around!
  5. by   idkmybffjill
    I assume that your parents didn't want you to get a job so that you could spend time on getting good grades? If so, then you should be in a position to start aggressively applying for scholarships. See if you are in an area where there are grants to help pay for nursing school. Talk to your counselor at school about scholarships and grants.

    Start thinking of jobs you'd be qualified for. If you are making good grades, you can always look into tutoring in some compacity. You can always see if you can volunteer tutor now so if you make the decision to pursue nursing, you have some experience you could use to get hired somewhere. There's also some online websites that use remote online tutors to help teach children from other countries English.

    An option is to take a year off, work as much as you can, and take out loans. An ADN is not usually super expensive so you could probably save up a bit in a year and use some minimum loans for the rest. From there, if you can get a job at a hospital, you could get tuition assistance to get your bsn if you want to go further.
    Last edit by idkmybffjill on Feb 12 : Reason: autocorrect
  6. by   sam.sen
    I am so sorry to hear that your parents are giving you this ultimatum. Unfortunately, your parents have the right not to finance your education if you decide to pursue something other than what they want you to. They also have the right to ask you to leave their home at 18, I suppose. Do you have a guidance counselor you can speak to at school or a trusted family counselor, family member, or adult friend? There are a number steps that you will need to take in order to become independent enough to make your own educational and housing decisions, and I think you need some expert advice.
    Best of luck to you and big virtual hugs.


    Thank you for the advice and hugs haha, I definitely do have some teachers I could talk to but if I do get kicked out I have no idea where I would go, which is what I'm most afraid of right now. I could always raise enough money over the summer to attend community college but housing is something I couldn't secure as easily. Thank you for responding!
  7. by   sam.sen
    Im really sorry to hear about your predicament! Have you explored talking to them about a doctorate in nursing as opposed to a doctor of medicine? Especially given the projections for jobs in the upcoming years.

    Additionally, Nurse Anesthetists are incredibly similar to Anesthesiologists, but the training is more specialized. But essentially they do almost the same thing as an Anesthesiologist (in your parents eyes anyway).

    Lastly, you could always start as Pre-med and change your major to nursing, if nothing as to stall for time. A lot of the classes overlap.

    I really hope your parents come around!
    Yes I do plan in the future to pursue graduate level education, whether that be as a NP, nursing professor, nurse anesthetist, nurse manager, etc. I am not sure yet as I would like more experience to determine that. I have expressed this to them but they are dogmatic and do not take me seriously and feel that what I want to pursue is low-level and not respectable. I hope they do come around as well. I have thought about that and have gotten advice from friends and even adults to do the degree they want while completing nursing prereqs, but I don't want to be indebted to them and waste their money and my time doing something I don't want to do.
  8. by   sam.sen
    Quote from idkmybffjill
    I assume that your parents didn't want you to get a job so that you could spend time on getting good grades? If so, then you should be in a position to start aggressively applying for scholarships. See if you are in an area where there are grants to help pay for nursing school. Talk to your counselor at school about scholarships and grants.

    Start thinking of jobs you'd be qualified for. If you are making good grades, you can always look into tutoring in some compacity. You can always see if you can volunteer tutor now so if you make the decision to pursue nursing, you have some experience you could use to get hired somewhere. There's also some online websites that use remote online tutors to help teach children from other countries English.

    An option is to take a year off, work as much as you can, and take out loans. An ADN is not usually super expensive so you could probably save up a bit in a year and use some minimum loans for the rest. From there, if you can get a job at a hospital, you could get tuition assistance to get your bsn if you want to go further.
    Yep, wanted me to focus on school for good grades. THANK YOU! I haven't thought of that, to do tutoring as an option, but yes I do have tutoring experience but volunteering wise for the past two summers at multiple elementary schools, so I think I can secure a job. My teacher has also recommended to get my ADN first, but if possible I would like to get my BSN through like you said scholarship opportunities.
  9. by   FullGlass
    You could join the military. That will provide you with a job, as well as room and board. In addition, the military has great education benefits. I attended Johns Hopkins and we had students that were active duty military - the military paid their entire tuition and also provided a living stipend.

    As another poster suggested, talk to your counselor about the steps to be considered financial independent after high school, so you can apply for college financial aid on your own.

    As far as how to live - get a job and ask around about a room. Maybe one of your friends will let you stay in their family home for awhile. Once you have a job, you can look for a room to rent. There are many online resources for this.

    Good luck.
  10. by   GatorKatie2485
    Hey there-
    I come from a similar situation except that I am much older than you. By failing to follow my own dreams and intuitions and listening to what my parents wanted for me, I wasted my own time and betrayed myself. If you do the same, you will end up a miserable, angry and resentful person. You will work so hard to consistently please your parents and think that when you are an MD you will be happy because it's what they wanted, but you know what- you won't be. Every step of the way you will dread it and feel a bitter resentment.You will feel out of place and when you accomplish something, it won't feel like an accomplishment, because it meant something to someone else and not you. The clincher is that you will be the one who WORKS for everything, day in and day out, and without your own motivation and drive behind it will do nothing but cause you misery. I can give this advice solidly, because I did this and this is what happened to me (as well as any other person that I know that did something because their parents, society, a spouse, etc. thought it was a better plan than their own). My advice is this: trust YOURSELF and only listen to yourself and what YOU want. Parents do not have an ownership over you and even despite maybe having your best interests at stake, they can do some serious damage to your life path and your psyche. You are still young, but old enough to establish that your own dreams and who you want to be is a non-negotiable. If the people in your life want to get behind that, they are welcome to cheer you on. If they want to challenge that, then you don't need them in your life causing obstacles. It's their right to not pay for your tuition or offer you housing, but being as young as you are there are plenty of things you can do to follow your own life path without their consent, which you don't need after the age of 18. Look into scholarships and student loans. A private student loan would pay for not only your tuition, but also your living expenses. You might need a co-sign but another adult or older sibling besides your parents will suffice. You are pursuing a very respectable career and whatever their misinformation is surrounding it, it is their problem. Them offering you housing and tuition if you follow what it is they want for you is one thing: MANIPULATION. By partaking in this, you are allowing them to establish a pattern of control over you. This type of parenting is very destructive. I know because I experienced it. If you want to have happiness and peace in your life, I suggest you start early by putting your foot down, developing your own independence and following your own dreams. The more you allow them to shape your decisions, the more miserable you will be as you get older and the harder it will be to start establishing your own boundaries with them. This isn't about your career, it's about them controlling you. If it wasn't this it might be where you live, who you marry, and turn into a never ending cycle of constant pleasing them with nothing in return for yourself. Your parents do not own you and you will most likely outlive them- left with the life that either you, or they created for you. Make sure you are left with the one you created for yourself.
  11. by   idkmybffjill
    Quote from sam.sen
    Yep, wanted me to focus on school for good grades. THANK YOU! I haven't thought of that, to do tutoring as an option, but yes I do have tutoring experience but volunteering wise for the past two summers at multiple elementary schools, so I think I can secure a job. My teacher has also recommended to get my ADN first, but if possible I would like to get my BSN through like you said scholarship opportunities.
    Then you should definitely be able to get on somewhere. There's a lot of places specifically for tutoring, but I've also heard of some people who just set up their own service and find customers, which would probably make you more money since there's no middle man.

    Start applying for scholarships now then because a lot start being available starting in the fall of the school year for seniors, so some might be closed now. Depending on how much your parents make and how willing they will be to even give you their tax return info, applying for financial aid through FAFSA may give you some grants. Though I believe even if your parents won't give you their tax return info to be able to fill out the application, the government should offer some low-interest loans that will be better than private loans.

    For housing, renting a room or finding someone who needs a roommate with no need to add you to the lease is going to be your best bet. It'll be hard to get on a lease without a co-signer since you won't have great credit or a massive income at this point. Renting a room will probably be the cheapest option.
  12. by   Guy in Babyland
    Threatening to kick you out of the house is a control issue. They have the right to kick you out of the house at 18, but when it comes down to you moving out and living on the streets, your parents (unless they don't care about you) will not let you live on the streets if you don't go along with their plan. You do not need your parents permission to enroll in a community college and get your nursing degree.
  13. by   sam.sen
    Quote from FullGlass
    You could join the military. That will provide you with a job, as well as room and board. In addition, the military has great education benefits. I attended Johns Hopkins and we had students that were active duty military - the military paid their entire tuition and also provided a living stipend.

    As another poster suggested, talk to your counselor about the steps to be considered financial independent after high school, so you can apply for college financial aid on your own.

    As far as how to live - get a job and ask around about a room. Maybe one of your friends will let you stay in their family home for awhile. Once you have a job, you can look for a room to rent. There are many online resources for this.

    Good luck.
    Thank you for the advice! However I do not have an interest in joining the military, although it would be a nice solution for a problem like this. I was also thinking of staying at a friend's place, but problem is I don't have a lot of friends to rely on haha. But if push comes to shove I guess I will have no choice. I have also looked into apartment living and renting rooms, but right now I don't have the money for that and if I did have a job more than likely I would be struggling to make ends meet.
  14. by   sam.sen
    Quote from GatorKatie2485
    Hey there-
    I come from a similar situation except that I am much older than you. By failing to follow my own dreams and intuitions and listening to what my parents wanted for me, I wasted my own time and betrayed myself. If you do the same, you will end up a miserable, angry and resentful person. You will work so hard to consistently please your parents and think that when you are an MD you will be happy because it's what they wanted, but you know what- you won't be. Every step of the way you will dread it and feel a bitter resentment.You will feel out of place and when you accomplish something, it won't feel like an accomplishment, because it meant something to someone else and not you. The clincher is that you will be the one who WORKS for everything, day in and day out, and without your own motivation and drive behind it will do nothing but cause you misery. I can give this advice solidly, because I did this and this is what happened to me (as well as any other person that I know that did something because their parents, society, a spouse, etc. thought it was a better plan than their own). My advice is this: trust YOURSELF and only listen to yourself and what YOU want. Parents do not have an ownership over you and even despite maybe having your best interests at stake, they can do some serious damage to your life path and your psyche. You are still young, but old enough to establish that your own dreams and who you want to be is a non-negotiable. If the people in your life want to get behind that, they are welcome to cheer you on. If they want to challenge that, then you don't need them in your life causing obstacles. It's their right to not pay for your tuition or offer you housing, but being as young as you are there are plenty of things you can do to follow your own life path without their consent, which you don't need after the age of 18. Look into scholarships and student loans. A private student loan would pay for not only your tuition, but also your living expenses. You might need a co-sign but another adult or older sibling besides your parents will suffice. You are pursuing a very respectable career and whatever their misinformation is surrounding it, it is their problem. Them offering you housing and tuition if you follow what it is they want for you is one thing: MANIPULATION. By partaking in this, you are allowing them to establish a pattern of control over you. This type of parenting is very destructive. I know because I experienced it. If you want to have happiness and peace in your life, I suggest you start early by putting your foot down, developing your own independence and following your own dreams. The more you allow them to shape your decisions, the more miserable you will be as you get older and the harder it will be to start establishing your own boundaries with them. This isn't about your career, it's about them controlling you. If it wasn't this it might be where you live, who you marry, and turn into a never ending cycle of constant pleasing them with nothing in return for yourself. Your parents do not own you and you will most likely outlive them- left with the life that either you, or they created for you. Make sure you are left with the one you created for yourself.
    I'm glad I am not the only one going through this. It is definitely a struggle to feel like you're not a bad daughter by stressing your parents out but at the same time believing in yourself. It is hard to become independent because my parents oppose any actions to do so. Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry you had to go through that as well.

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