Not sure I'm enjoying this

Thedreamer · Jun 22, 2007

*hugs*

Mommy TeleRN, RN · Jun 22, 2007

I have to tell ya..I'm enjoying things a whole lot more being out of clinical! I have more ownership now you know? more autonomy. I like that I decide what order to see patients, how to plan my shift... it's not all dictated to me.

I made my own "brain" that fits my thinking, I don't have to do it the way the teachers want me to do it for their paperwork.

In clinical I took 2 patients, now I am taking 3 and building...and it's just so much smoother feeling.

As far as your own space, it was that way in clinical. I hated the whole charting system. Where I work is totally different. Each nurse has their own medcart with their "stuff" in it, the MAR for your section is there, you chart on laptops in the hall..so you really have more of your own space/work area.

ICU I think is a bit more like this too. You have a small section for 2-3 nurses with their patients around them..so you don't have to fight for so much space.

I think it does get better too once you focus in on a specialty. I hated all my rotating and feeling like I was starting over every time. Now I have my certain type of patients that I can really learn about and we give more of the same types of meds, so I can really learn those. I don't have to know about surgery meds or L&D meds or chemo.

It is very hard when you are used to being good at something, then feel like you are back on the low end of the totem pole. I don't like not understanding things. But we have many resources and you can research and learn. As you have one patient with something and learn all about that you will know it for next time.

You are likely feeling overwhelmed with everything in your life right now. That is very understandable. Perhaps with getting some more bedside experience you can later combine that with something similiar to your old career. There are corporate nursing positions. I've contemplated even maybe pursuing like an MBA down the road.

There is also nursing management to consider too.

I wish you well during this big transition. I have cried many tears just from the overwhelming feeling of change in my life. The pride and accomplishment even. I think I've been in maturational crisis lol.

I hope you find your perfect spot :)

SoundofMusic · Jun 22, 2007

Mommynurse2B: Thank you so much for your kind post. Those were the words I think I really needed to hear. I agree that once I just don't have all these folks looking over my shoulder, I'll just be able to figure things out for myself and feel that ownership. I know that when my preceptor isn't there, I tend to just relax and figure things out myself twice as well.

And I am going to an ICU, so that's great. It DOES have more space -- I can't wait to be able to "spread out."

Yes, that feeling of change ... you really hit it on the head. I feel I'm venturing out to a very unknown world. . . without a paddle at times!!! And when you're also experiencing life changes as well . . it gets to be a bit much. Just being self-aware helps. Thanks again . . .

llg, PhD, RN · Jun 22, 2007

It sounds to me as if you "really have your head on straight" if you know what I mean -- and that is 90% of the battle. Change and adaptation are hard and this is a big change in your life.

Right now, you are remembering all the good things about your old job and probably down-playing some of things that weren't so good. Changing careers is scary, so, you're focused on the negatives about nursing. On top of that, there's just the whole stress of being a beginner again and all the insecurities that go along with that. And on top of that ... as if that weren't enough ... there is all the stuff in your personal life that adds to your stress level.

Another thing ... remember that "reality shock" is common and normal. We all have a tendency to build things up in our minds as being either "wonderful" or "terrible" before we actually experience them. Reality is usually somewhere in between. The overly optimistic dreams you had about nursing now have to be brought into line with the day-to-day reality of it. Yes, some of it is wonderful, but some of it isn't. .... And isn't that the way it is with most careers? You didn't really expect all of it to be fun, did you?

Take a deep breath and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It sounds as if you are on a good path. If you keep moving forward, that path will eventually become a little smoother and the way a little more clear.

Good luck,

llg

MMARN, BSN, RN · Jun 22, 2007

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I feel the same way sometimes, though I never really question my career choice. However, I do feel inept and completely out of place sometimes. The one area in which I haven't had that feeling quite as much has been in OB. I'm really enjoying it here and I think this is the specialty where I want to concentrate and build my career in. As was said before, I think once you find that place where everything seems to go right and everything seems to be in its place, you'll feel more at ease and comfortable. I hope you have already found, which by reading your most recent post, it seems to be the case. :) Good luck!!