Too attached

[Double-Helix]

So I've reached a point with a patient that I think most of us get to at one point. This is the first time in my short career as a PICU nurse that I've really 'taken work home' and can recognize that I'm spending too much time thinking about this case.

Without sharing details, I've reached the point where I don't think another nurse can care for this family as well as I can. Not medically, because I know all my co-workers are incredible nurses, but emotionally and socially. I've been taking care of this patient for the past several weeks, and more recently the past two days. I have spent significant amounts of time talking to this child's mom, and I've been able to advocate for her and really connect with her. I'm not working today, and it's honestly tearing me up because I'm concerned that there isn't anyone with her who knows will be able to listen and care for her like I could.

So that's my dilemma. I'm at the point where I understand that I am too close to this case, but not at the point where I would begin to know how to distance myself, or even if I could.

Thoughts?

[PsychNurseWannaBe, BSN, RN]

The first part of this is that you are assessing your feelings. That great. What my red flag is the statement that you feel your fellow nurses can not provide the same care. As a nurse you have to be concerned with transference and counter transference. You also need to keep in mind that you are engaged in a therapeutic relationship, it is goal driven. It is part of the nurse - patient relationship.

Even with all that in mind, we do at times get too close to people. We are human after all. But you need to step back. You do not want to be a crutch for this person. What you may want to do is empower them to be their own advocate.

But the first step you did... you realized you are too attached.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I think we're human and sometimes you form a deeper bond with a patient/family. Accept that, but remember your coworkers are knowledgeable and able to care for the patient/family. Sometimes we have favorites and sometimes patient/family have a favorite nurse or staff member. Remember you will see them again the next time you work and even if you were not assigned to them that day you could still stop in and say hi, as we are a team and help each other with patients, right.

I admit occasionally I will check on a patient on my day off if the nurse on is someone I trust, just a heads up how did the test or procedure go, are they ok if they were doing poorly. Before anyone flames me this does happen on occasion and I know I'm not the only nurse that has done that.

Otherwise if I'm concerned about someone I know I will check in the next day I work and at least say hi if I'm not assigned. I don't see anything wrong in that. Also we are all a team and answer call lights and help assist with patient care especially working nights with a skeleton crew.

Remember you can always keep them in your prayers and I like to say a "blanket" prayer for all my patients (past/present) for God to bless and protect them and help them.

[SweetsRN522]

You built rapport and a connection with the family and the patient and that is nothing to be ashamed about. You are a caring and compassionate nurse and you feel obligated to that patient. I know what it is like to build relationships with people it is hard when you don't have them the next day or when you are off you wonder if they are getting as good of care as you provide them. As long as you can focus and react appropriately like Esme said, then there is nothing wrong with being emotional and attached to your patients.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

It's so easy to get attached to the vulnerable ones who "need" someone......mostly they need someone who is objective, and can see the whole picture. When you insert yourself into the family system, you actually become less effective (and I know you didn't do this on purpose- kids are tough).

This is actually a good thing. You have the chance to step back and analyze yourself- and how you need to strengthen your boundaries. You know in your head that she's getting good care on your days off- YOU need to take a break on your day off- to 're-charge'...

:heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :heartbeat :hug:

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

I know exactly how you feel, Ashley. In my 2 years in the NICU, I've gotten a bit too attached a couple of times with special babies. One of them died, and it hurt like hell for a long time. I hope we can both manage these incidents better as we grow older in our vocation.

I also hope we never lose the heart that allows us to care that much.