Should I take Med-Surg job or ICU job working near ex-husband?

Nurses General Nursing

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I graduated in May, passed my boards in July and am ready to start working. A little back story, my ex-husband is a perfusionist in the cardiac OR. He left me during nursing school for one of his students who is now also a perfusionist at another hospital. It was an AWFUL divorce, but time has healed me (kinda) and we get along now (for the most part).

So here's my dilemma. My ex husband can pull strings to get me an interview in a few places at the hospital he works at. I am interviewing next week on a cardiac med surg floor on which my best friend from nursing school just started working. BUT I could easily have him pull strings for me to interview on ICU at the hospital.

If I work in ICU, I'll be working within his network of friends and colleagues. The chances of me seeing him while I'm working are fairly high, especially if they're running an ECMO, in which case I would see him quite often. We get along, and I would never bring personal issues into the work place, but the last thing I would want is to have some sort of emotional reaction (internally or externally) while I'm on the floor.

Med-surg would be in the same hospital, and the chances of seeing him would be slim.. I might see him in the cafeteria or in the hallway. I would be working with my best friend. BUT I'd be working Med Surg, and my ideal preference would be ICU.

So, what do you all think I should do? People who have worked on Med Surg and ICU, would you put yourself in the position of probably seeing your ex at work so that you could work ICU instead of Med Surg? (btw, ICU is 2:1 and Med Surg is 5-6:1)

Of course I can apply to other hospitals, but this one pays the most, and most of them don't hire new grads for anything but Med Surg. Thanks in advance for advice and opinions!

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Specializes in Critical Care, Capacity/Bed Management.

To be quite honest I would not have an ex-husband pull strings for me to interview/work in a place where they also work.

Nursing at the bedside is incredibly taxing and stress inducing, you do not need an added level of stress in your life having to work alongside your ex-husband.

With all that being said, you know yourself and what you are capable of handling. Best of luck in your career.

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I agree with the previous poster. If your ex can pull strings to get you the job, what kind of strings could he pull that might affect your job if things between you sour and go left? Aside from that I wouldn't want there to be any feeling on either side that I "owe" him for helping me out. I see too many ways this could go wrong, and that to me, would outweigh any benefits. All the best in making a decision that's best for you and congrats on graduating school and starting your nursing career.

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Specializes in ICU.

As somebody with an ex-husband who I semi-get-a-long with, it's a very bad idea. You are divorced for a reason. Cut the cord.

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I would feel pathetic accepting "help" from someone who treated me that way.

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I didn't accept his help, but I wouldn't feel "pathetic" even if I did. Its not my fault he abused me, and that doesn't make me pathetic at all.

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I don't think anyone was calling you pathetic. Take a deep breath and relax. It's a touchy situation. I think Sour Lemon was just stating how that would make Sour Lemon feel.

That said, I think having him pull strings and being in his network is an awful idea. I'm a sensitive person, so I personally would be too worried about the situation to think and act properly. Also, as someone said, who knows what strings he could pull in a negative way.

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I didn't accept his help, but I wouldn't feel "pathetic" even if I did. Its not my fault he abused me, and that doesn't make me pathetic at all.

I'm confused. Can you clarify how your relationship is with your ex-husband? I would personally never put myself on the line to get someone an interview unless I was willing to completely vouch for the other person, meaning that I'm comfortable and know the person well enough (and consider them worthy of sticking my neck out for).

If you and your ex-husband are not on great terms, you need to run...run screaming from this situation.

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We are actually on very good terms now, believe it or not, even after all that happened between the two of us. He is a typical narcissist and he is obsessed with his nice and shiny appearance, especially at work. Now that I have gotten therapy and learned how to hold my boundaries with him, he is very respectful of me and no longer tries to abuse me emotionally, I imagine he is reserving that for his girlfriend at this point.

Anyway, I ended up not having him pull strings for me and got the job utilizing my own network that I had created on my own during nursing school :)

I apologize for taking offense to Sour Lemon's comment. October is Domestic Violence awareness month and I've been very vocal online about advocating for people in Domestic Violence situations. Of course this hits very close to home for me and I've been re-experiencing a lot of the abuse in my head.. so I'm a little sensitive right now!

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Glad to hear you didn't let him pull strings, ESPECIALLY since he is a narcissist. Being the daughter of a narcissist, I completely understand on all levels the sensitivity you have about the subject. Emotional abuse is a serious thing and is just as detrimental as physical abuse.

Congrats on the job and the new-found you via therapy.

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Specializes in peds.

I'm glad you got it on your own.:up: enjoy your new job.

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