Shaken Baby

[royr]

I am a senior in a BSN program and the last couple of days make me wonder if I can in fact be a nurse. In my clinical I took care of a newborn baby that was suspected to have been shaken to the point of loosing the ability to breath. I did everything by the book - helped the baby and the family. I even showed the dad the shaken baby tape and explained anger managment (walk away, count to ten - take deep breaths). I helped the primary nurse fill out the suspected abuse forms and call for the opthemologist consult and ultrasound tests. I did everything by the book - the right way and in the right order. After all tests and paperwork was completed our tiny pt was released with an apnea monitor and follow up from family services was arranged. Several weeks have passed, my clinical is finished and as I prepare for my final exams I notice on the local news that this baby - now 1 month old - was brought back to the hospital this time beaten and shaken to death and the dad is in police custody charged with murder. Everything was done "by the book" - so why is this little baby dead - and what as a nursing student could I have done to prevent this from happening. I feel like a useless fool for trusting this baby to "the system" that failed to protect. Should I give up my dream of working with children because I will never be able to help them be well and safe? My heart aches and all I can do is hug my own little daughter. My school has no berievment program or services available and I feel like - I think everyone has the idea how bad.

[jesika23]

I am sorry to hear about that poor baby. Honestly I don't think there was anything else you could have done. I would have been devastated as well. I have a two year old and I couldnt imagine someone doing that to my child. I wouldnt give up on your dreams there are bad thing that happen in this world and we cannot always prevent them, but you are one of the special few in this world who actually cares. If we didnt have people to give us hope and help in a great time of need where would we be.

[DDRN4me]

It is nurses like you who need to be in this profession... you did everything you could for him. Unfortunately, the system ensures that the "family" is maintained as much as possible and without "proof "that the baby was shaken by the parents , they will try and keep the "family" together :angryfire

i spent many years battling such a system. As a matter of fact one of the social workers i used to work with just committed suicde..poor thing had had enough of the strife of this world :angryfire

Please do not give up on your career , we need more loving caring nurses to stand up for these little ones!!!

[nicunana]

You did everything possible at the time, but now you can do even more! Harness that anger & sadness and work within the system for change. Write to your congressman, senator, governor & director of DCFS. Courts ARE beginning to hold DCFS responsible for bad judgment calls. This death is now a matter of public record, so ask some leading questions & request a full investigation. While it won't bring back the life of your precious little patient, it may save another child from the same fate. On behalf of these little ones, who can not speak for themselves, we must be their advocates! I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but please think of this as an opportunity to improve the plight of others.

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

If you are passionate about this, you might look into volunteering to be a children's advocate through the courts, if your area has something like this. It is basically someone impartial who volunteers to speak only on behalf of the child in this type case. The social worker often has the entire family to consider, the child advocate has only the child.

This is an excellent idea. I just saw an ad in our local newspaper looking for people to volunteer. They offer classes for it.

OP, please know that there is a purpose for each and every soul in the universe. This little baby may well have crossed your path to speak to you about your own purpose in life. Take comfort in knowing that having experienced this so early in your carreer will help you deal with this type of situation for the rest of your life as a nurse.

[royr]

Thank you to everyone that responded to my original post. I have spent my whole weekend in bed, so sick from this that I have suffered repeated waves of nausia and vomiting. My wife, daughter, American Bulldog and Cat (both rescued from animal shelters) decided to join me curled up in my bed - not throwing up). I finally got up the courage to go to school today and sit for the first of my Nursing finals. Your posts touched me and gave me what I needed to get back in and fight. I am going to complete my RN program and I am going to stick with pediatrics in the hope that someday my skills as a nurse will enable me to make some small difference in the life of one of the little ones that needs me ther to fight for them. I hope that I am up for the task, as I am quite sensitive to children having a Daughter of my own. I really apreciate all the support that boardmembers have given me in this situation. Thanks to all who responded!

[EmerNurse, BSN, RN]

Royr - do hang in there - we NEED nurses like you in peds! Not everyone can do it, I know.

I tried PICU, and left 2 months into the internship. There was a little kid, 2 yrs or so old, who'd been brutally beaten by mom's SO, and abused such that his orifice was permanently about 3cm dilated. He was brain dead. This by itself CRUSHED me, but then, since it is a teaching hospital that does several multi-visceral transplants, mom agreed to organ donation and there was speculation about tissue matching on that abused little boy, to match other kids in the same ICU who needed transplants. That just did me in.

Multi-vis transplants on kids who're already severely retarded or otherwise unhealthy just freaked me out too. Most of these kids were under state care or foster care or institutional care - parents nowhere in sight. It broke my heart every single day.

Throughout the preceptorship (in which I did VERY well) we were told "if you can't handle it, it's ok to leave, we know it's not for everyone". When I left the preceptorship I was called Unprofessional for leaving halfway through. Still gets me mad - would it have been more professional to let them finish my training, work for a month and THEN quit?

I learned Pedi icu isn't for me - may the good Lord bless those of you who do it every day. Your great hearts and emotional stamina hold me in awe.