oh shyt - page 5

i had the MOST disgusting patient last night. he has an unusual bowel regimine..... stay home with no bowel movement for weeks, get admitted to the hospital then get digitally disimpacted by... Read More

  1. by   RNanne
    :roll That is the "crappiest" story I ever heard. Had to get the depends out because I kept peeing my pants. And it got funnier and funnier. Nurses have the sickest sense of humor. Why don't you just hand the next one a bottle of mag citrate and a plastic spoon, kind of a do-it-yourself kit. What a pair of book ends in one room!!!
  2. by   thisnurse
    i had forgotten all about this thread.....lol

    now im thinking about that pig.
    im in report the next day and the nurse is reporting off to me about him (i was so happy to get him again) and she says...
    he has a hygiene problem...i said...ya think?
    then i went off about it not being a hygiene problem...more like hes a pig.
    i havent been able to work for a while...but my guess is he was back. for real...this is how he maintains bowel function. and if he hasnt been back...he surely will when i go back...and ill get him...lol

    one of the docs said to me....wow, you always get the weirdest patients...lol
    i told her..nice of you to notice.
    if they arent weird when i get them, they are on my shift....
  3. by   fedupnurse
    Thisnurse, hang up a picture of Jack Kavorkian in his room and consider giving him a gift certificate. Of course, it is only good for one visit...
  4. by   maizey
    Oh my God. I laughed so hard at your post. Bless your heart. That was the pooper from Hell. We've all seen this type but not quite to the extent that you wrote about. You are so hilarious. Sorry you had a bad night. I howled when I read the part about you thought about asking him to marry you. :roll
  5. by   RNanne
    You should write that book. You could call it Seymor Buttnugget's School of Fecal Arts 101.
  6. by   2MagnoliaTrees
    Definitely ask for a mental evaluation!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. by   thisnurse
    book in progress....its a collection of the weirdos i have met in my career.
    all fact but nobody will believe me.

    you know what kills me is his doc doesnt care. its the same thing every admit..
    he cant poop
    he goes to ER
    he is admitted...oh my goodness is this an obstruction?
    surgeons come in...digital disimpaction (surgeons that misbehave get him)
    xrays, cat scans, enemas, laxatives, nausea meds
    poop all over the place (tho i feel special cos he never saved his for anyone else)
    three days in house
    a month or two...restart bowel maintenance

  8. by   cactus wren
    You poor thing, Worse poopy story i have ever heard.......Treat yourself to something nice on your very well deserved days off...
  9. by   nursecheryl
    I'm sure glad my specialty is pediatrics. :spin:
  10. by   RenayCCRN
    OMG 10 of 10 on my pain scale, I really don't know if I could have done it. Top on my list of great nurse.
    The poop and vomit was bad on it's own
    The behavior on top would have sent me over the edge

    Great laugh, glad I wasn't there
  11. by   stressedlpn
    lax him to the hilt, 10 mins b-4 discharge then let him have fun in his car,driveway,his own home thats just my vote, i wonder if he would still call you to come see his surprise
  12. by   kathkrn
    This definatly put a smile on my face...The guy has psych consult written all over....
  13. by   SmilingBluEyes

    *scratches her head: Ok I give up: HTF do you do this w/a FREAKING WASHING MACHINE????

    OH MY G-D!

    I have been sheltered so in nursing!