Nurse and Parent: Overload Alert!

In this article, the author discusses ways to cope with being a full time nurse and a parent. She asks the reader to share some of their ideas, too. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Nurse and Parent: Overload Alert!

I waved at my young co-worker in the grocery store. She pushed her cart over my way, all loaded up with a baby in a car seat and a three year old riding up front in the grocery cart disguised as a car. The toddler pushed her wheel from side to side and the baby slept peacefully while we chatted a few minutes. Nelle, a nurse a local hospital, graduated from nursing school two years ago. After a few pleasantries,I asked her how things were going. She stopped, then said, "Do you really want to know?"

I smiled and nodded. She said, "Honestly, things are rough. I love my job, but it's insanely hard getting there, keeping my marriage going and taking care of these two. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stay with it." I could see tears filling her dark eyes and threatening to spill over, so I put my hand on her arm, trying to offer some support.

I listened a while longer before the toddler began to ask for a snack and the baby squirmed in her seat. We parted ways with a quick hug, and I said, "I'll say a little prayer for you!" She moved on quickly, snatching up the few essentials in the minutes she had left.

As I walked on, I contemplated times when I had been in her shoes. Nursing is a challenging profession for parents of young children because of the special circumstances that surround covering health care on a 24 hour basis: Early mornings, late nights, on call, continuing ed, community service, shift work, week-ends, emergencies... Nursing can be a challenging career for a person with no family responsibilities, but if we add to the list above a few more: babies, crying, fussing, coughing all night, diaper changes, car seat transfers, daycare, diaper supplies, bottles, pumping...or at a different stage in life: homework, baseball, gymnastics, PTA, church activities, back to school shopping. The life picture gets muddled and exhausting. Sometimes, we wonder: how does a nurse cope with being a parent? And continue to do the job well?

Whether you are a mom, dad or a grandparent, being a professional and a parent is not for the faint of heart. As the great philosopher, Dr. Jeff McCord once said, "The devil is not in the details, he is in the distractions." He makes a good point that often we get so sidetracked and "busy" that we forget to stop and focus to reorient our priorities.

After our encounter, I wondered what I could have said to help her. What advice would have been helpful to me when I was in her position? While everyone's situation is different and no counsel fits everyone, there might be a few things that could help. You may be able to add a few of your own to the list.

  • Talking about it can help. Finding a few minutes while on lunch break to talk things over with a friend can help to restore some perspective. And sometimes by simply talking it out, you are able to find your own way to a resolution. As a supportive friend, you may not be able to actually "do" anything for your overwhelmed co-worker, but if you can take a moment to listen empathetically, it might just do wonders for his/her outlook.
  • Leave the guilt behind. Kids thrive when their parents are fulfilled and happy. Carrying guilt along with a full workload can sink even the most buoyant. If you have little ones, read them a book about what nurses do. If possible, show them. And be careful to clarify. I have a friend who told her grandson she was going to take him to see her workplace. He was all excited until they got to the hospital and asked when they were going to ride on the helicopter! The five year old then burst into tears of disappointment when he found out his grandma didn't work on the helicopter. In his child's mind, everyone there worked on the cool helicopter.
  • Find a family communication tool that works: schedule sharing apps, a simple dry erase board, refrigerator magnets-anything. It's surprising how a basic tool like this can make sanity survive. It's also handy for leaving early morning messages or quick reminders as you head out the door.
  • Prioritize, prioritize. If you are a working full time as a nurse and managing family duties, then it is personal critical care to decide what is important and what is not. Letting the urgent win over the important can make family life tilt dangerously off-kilter. A few basics of organization, coupled with a realization that you can't do everything, will set things back to a steady place. Most of us can remember begging our parents or loved ones for stuff. But more than "stuff" we wanted them-their time and attention. When time is at a premium, then letting the excess go, can help fulfill the most basic need for love and security. Making reasonable goals for ourselves as working parents can lead to success all around.

After I got home that evening, I sent off a quick text to Nelle, telling her how much I enjoyed running into her and wishing her well as she continued to juggle her career and her family.

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jeastridge

About jeastridge, BSN, RN

(Columnist)

Joy has been a nurse for 35 years, practicing in a variety of settings. Currently, she is a Faith Community Nurse. She enjoys her grandchildren, cooking for crowds and taking long walks.

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Been there, did that. Jut remember, none of us are perfect parents, we all just do the best we can. And seeing your parents work helps kids to realize that school is THEIR job and they have to do their best at school (again, not perfect, just doing the best they can.) And a perfectly clean house is NOT a priority, anything clean enough that you don't get a disease is clean enough.