In Trouble With The Bon!!! Please Advise Me...

explorer · May 12, 2005

I am begging for help. I am literally shaking, I am so scared.
I will just start by saying that I have REALLY screwed up.
I have worked full time in a very busy, very aggressive cardiac ICU since graduating in June 2004. I realized that I was in WAY over my head by December. The hours, the "alpha-female" competition, the lack of concise physician preferences ("Well, that is just the way we do this because Dr. X likes it like THIS...remember!") And my personal life wasn't so great either.
When I was giving morphine, I did not document waste in the Pyxis (more than once, I confess.) I fouled up my documentation on the flowsheet AND failed to document in the computer charting. I even pulled up drugs on the wrong pt. a few times. And I gave a pt. the wrong dose of morphine three (yes, THREE) times in one night.
.
:balloons:
NO PATIENTS were harmed by this (thank God).
My head nurse confronted me with all this last week. (Pyxis printouts galore.) I immediately offered to do a drug screen on the spot. I owned up to my mistakes immediately. I emptied out my purse voluntarily. (My offer to do a drug screen was declined by my employer. I went to an independent testing site THAT DAY after my discussion, and the results were absolutely NEGATIVE.)

:balloons:

You might consider working in a slower paced atmosphere in the hospital.

PicklesRN, RN · May 12, 2005

first of all...my post to you was obviously taken as an attack on you...i do apologize as it wasn't intended that way. and as i'd believe i've said in my previous post....i know i sound a bit harsh...& it wasn't to put you down...but to give you advice that you've asked of us all. i don't believe i've said that i (or anyone else here) are the perfect nurses or that we've not had any mistakes within our careers. however...we're not the ones facing the bon here from what *you've* told *us* all.

i don't know or quite understand what sort of advice & comments you were looking for exactly because from what i've read here so far....most have said exactly the same thing i have...most did so without being as blunt as me (i'll admit that...& again i'm sorry for that). but like i said before...i got the impression that you've not fully accepted your responsibility here. as i'd said before....correct me if i'm wrong about that! you've singled my post out (i think) without really reading it fully. you read it & did so in anger & for that...i'm sorry.

i hear your anger & do feel for your situation....i really do! but how dare you try & lay some sort of guilt trip on me (or any other person giving you advice about the *obvious* :angryfire) is again...concerning to me. telling me you'd rather kill yourself rather than face your situation (professional as well as financial...which we knew *nothing* about by the way) but stop short due to your children is scary to me. you definitely must seek professional help for your anger (self or projected) & depression before it's too late.

i'm keeping you in my prayers because no one should have to feel this way. again...i apologize for being harsh in my choice of words. i don't mean to be unkind...just the opposite. it's because i *do* care is why i don't sugar coat what i've say.

good luck & best wishes to you,
moe

great post! keep up the good work. someone asked for opinions. they didn't ask for 'make nice' words, they asked for honest opinions. you gave yours. keep it up.

with that said, i think nobody is a worse critic of self than self. it's hard enough to take from self let alone someone else. sometimes it's just hard to be honest, brutally honest with self. but that doesn't mean it isn't necessary.

to the original poster, please consider what everyone here has said. everyone is posting what they honestly feel to be true. it is your job to sort through it all and absorb what works for you and let the rest go.

you worked hard for your license, protect it. get a lawyer.

LeahJet, ASN, RN · May 12, 2005

Hi Ladybug,

I, like most others that have responded to your post, am very sorry about what happened. You are going through some very hard times. There is not a nurse out there that hasn't held their breath about something at one time or another. There have been SO many times that I have second guessed myself after I threw the vial in the sharps box. I KNEW it was the right med, but I guess the OCD part of me kicks in.....like the old..."Did I turn off the iron" thing when you are 5 miles down the road.

Anyway, you do know that your mistakes were more than just second guessing yourself. And I know that you are NOT "an idiot". I was just wondering....and this is just a thought.... if maybe you've considered being screened for adult ADD. My cousin has adult ADD and I remember her saying that maybe she was "just an idiot" because she was getting in some hot water at her job (totally different profession). She couldn't seem to stay focused and was making many mistakes. She was on the verge of losing her job and was going through troubles at home too when she decided to "see someone" for professional help. This is when she was diagnosed. I don't know, this may have already been covered in this discussion or totally out of left field.....just trying to help!

Good luck and God bless.

~Leah

prmenrs, RN · May 12, 2005

There is a lot of useful info on this thread; unfortunately, it has degenerated, and is no longer a constructive discussion.

Therefore, I am closing the thread.