Okay, so I have decided pretty much to leave my current job doing eight hour night shifts in psych... and return to Med/Surge.
Med/Surge used to leave me so mentally and physically drained at times... I used to have to go into the bathroom and cry sometimes because I was so stressed out at work... I used to hate, hate, hate to call docs in the middle of the night for fear of getting yelled at... and the list goes on and on. So why in the world am I going back???
Well, first of all I'm doing it out of financial necessity. I'm currently trying to find a job doing 12 hour shifts, three nights a week, closer to where I live. My current job is five 8 hour shifts a week, and almost an hour drive to and from where I live. Plus, benefits at my current workplace are horrid; I pay out the rear end for a family health insurance policy that isn't even very good/inclusive, just for one example.
There aren't many psychiatric positions available closer to where I am, but I probably COULD land one if I tried hard enough. But... even though psych is physically much less demanding, and most of the time even mentally less demanding... I'm really not happy.
I actually MISS the fast, hectic pace of Med/Surge! I never thought I would say that, but perhaps I really am more Type A than I'm willing to admit. =) I miss the hands on stuff like starting IV's, catheters, dressing changes, etc.. I miss running around the unit. I miss the feeling at the end of every shift of being physically exausted but feeling like, well SOME of the time anyway... like I had totally kicked BUTT that night and really helped some people and actually had a good time doing it. =)
Plus, I miss mostly being my "own employee". Meaning, I was responsible for myself, a CNA (possibly two), and my patients, and that was it. I never did charge nurse when I was in Med/Surge and never wanted to. In my current job, I'm responsible for a whole 22 bed unit every night, and I have one LPN and 4-6 techs that I'm responsible for. And that, is mostly what I do. Supervise. I supervise my employees and tell them what to do, I'm supposed to discipline them (and I'm not good at it at all), and I push a pen. Plus, I'm responsible for everything that happens on the unit. Funny thing though, my autonomy is very limited. I have to call the house supervisor every time I or my LPN give an IM injection, and my house supervisor has to come behind me and inspect my initial patient assessments. I feel useless most nights, bored, and then stressed like crazy when a patient acts up, because it is so NOT cut and dry what to do in those cases.
I just don't feel very fullfilled or rewarded by this job at all, and I hate that and I miss those feelings... even though they didn't come all the time and sometimes, I'd go a long time in my Med/Surge job without having those feelings. I never feel rewarded at this job. I mean, even though at times our patients do thank us for what they do for them, and I know that sometimes they really do mean it... for the most part, I deal with the sickest of the sick patients, and they have been in the system for so long and have become so manipulative... you can't trust or believe anything they say, and you know that while they seem like they are better... next month, they are going to be right back there, as bad off as they ever were, because they stopped taking their medicine.
So, as much as it sounds like I don't like this job at all... if it weren't for the severe financial strains that it is causing on my family, I would probably actually stay at least a while longer. But, because it is so financially draining, I have to find another job, and I just don't have the heart to stay in the psychiatric field. I feel like med/surge, and similar fields... that is where my heart is. I would like to build my confidence back up in med/surge... perhaps higher than it was before... and then I might move on to something else, who knows.
But, am I crazy for wanting to leave a job that is, for the most part, NOT really all that stressful about 70-80 percent of the time, for a job that was pretty stressful most of the time??? That I even complained about quite a bit??
And before you suggest it... I can't at this time look for anything like home health, community health, day surgery, doctors office... anything like that that is still hands-on but a tad less stressful... because I still have to do shift work. I can't work days. My husband works days and is very happy with his shift and hours and I'm trying not to mess that up for him.
But like I said, I think I MISS the hectic, fast pace of med/surge. Isn't that just... CRAZY? =) I've got applications in to three diff. hospitals at this time, including my former employer.... and I am nervous about this. I do hope it works out and things are better for me than they were when I left. I think I was burned out but I think I needed a break and a new perspective and now that I've had all that... I think I'm ready to go back.
That was LONG!!!! Sorry.... :)
