Do any fem. nurses here have Stay at Home husbands/SOs ? - page 5

I know, i ask tons of questions - but i can't help it. I want to know. Do any of you have husbands who are staying at home looking after children and u are the breadwinner? I'm 27, my son is... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    agree, mario. agree. and that does not happen often for me. lol
  2. by   micro
    nurse good guy and rusty.........

    since my children are only furry, but you can bet i am the best furry child mother around......but i digress.......

    thanks for sharing and standing strong for what you believe in and for the child's sake.........

    children matter, dang nab it............
  3. by   Jenny P
    My Hubby and I have been married for 27 years; and for the first part of our marriage we were strickly non-traditional-- I worked full time and he went to school or else was job searching for about 6 of our first 8 years together (hint: if you are born and raised in a big city with no background experience; don't go into agriculture or graduate during the biggest farm recession of the last half of the 20th century). We did have our son about half way through that time, and our dtr. was born at the end of it. It is very possible that he won't be working much longer in the near future because of on-going health problems.
    I have been lucky in that I love my job and have a passion for it; but I also am strongly passionate about my family. My husband loves to cook and I don't; that's his passion. As long as YOU 2 are talking and travelling along the same path and paying attention to what is important to your family; it will work out. It is really important to keep your eyes on the goal (doing what is best for YOUR family); because once the daily grind sets in, you will need to remember what you are doing this for.

    It isn't easy to be a SAH parent; but I do believe it takes guts and courage to do it successfully. And keep communicating, cuz that's what makes the whole thing work.
  4. by   nursekac
    I went through this several times in my marriage. I think that a hubby laid off is different from one choosing to stay at home and be "Mr. Mom." My hubby took a hard blow to his ego each time he was laid off, so was depressed and all the little things that I did (and expected him to do) didn't get done. Be aware that Hubby (and no one else for that matter, except maybe our Mom's) do things like we do them. I believe it can work if both work at it!
  5. by   JMP
    I totally agree with the two of you. I think you both should be commended for your ability to see past some of the crap dished out on this post and tell it like it is. Rusty and Goodguy.........I applaud you!

    People need to get their heads out of the 50's and see that traditions have changed. Society has moved forward.

    Thank God we have.

  6. by   bobbiesal
    What a great thread! I simply cannot believe that this is generating so much controversy...

    I'm a 40 year old pediatric nurse practitioner, one who firmly believes it doesn't matter which parent stays home with the kids, as long as someone does. I've been married to the most wonderful man for 12 years, he gave up his career to raise MY 3 boys, who were 8, 4, and 2 at the time. Now young men, they credit their adoptive dad with their successes in life, and we couldn't be more proud. I worked the weekend plan for 7 years, 12 hour shifts, Fri, Sat, Sun, straight nites to pull in the money to make life good and get my master's degree, while Scott worked part time evenings during the week. Our kids simply accepted the fact that dads stay home. (BTW, one of my brothers is the primary caregiver for his daughters and has full custody of them as well) This just seems to be a family value for us. What has it done for our sons? It has given them the gift of sensitivity toward their mom, and other women as well. It has taught them that anyone can cook & clean & run errands, that the world doesn't have to be one that assigns jobs based on chromosomal makeup. That personality, much more than sex, determines who should raise kids and who should be the breadwinner.

    Pressure? Well, maybe...but I do carry insurance in case anything were to happen to me, just like any man would do. And will wonders never cease, my 18 year old son just graduated from highschool and is strongly considering a career in nursing-no gender bias there! Enough of this archaic predetermination of who should do what based on gender, instead, let's base life on who does what BEST!

    Oh, and BTW? Since when does staying at home and raising children consist of "sitting on one's duff?"

  7. by   JMP

    YOU ROCK. what a great response and so heartfelt.

    Thank God for you, your husband and your kids.

    I agree with everything you said...... thanks for posting.

    The world needs more enlightened people to show us the way!

  8. by   ICUBecky
    what year is it again? ohhh yeah 2002. women have been fighting for a long time to become equal to their male counterparts. it is a HUGE slap in the face when i hear "it is the WOMAN's job to raise a kid" and "the MAN should always be the breadwinner." i'm sorry the Ward and June Cleaver days are looooong gone, and people need to realize that....even if they are in the earlier generations. i did not go through highschool as an honor student and go through a hard 4- year nursing program so that a MAN can take care of me. right now....i make more than my fiancee.

    as for a man staying home with the children. i feel that this is perfectly fine, as long as they are able to love, nurture, and play with their children. i'm sorry, but some of the posters here who have had bad experiences with the father staying home, married men that were incapable of these things and did not realize this to begin with. i don't know...but i see ALL OF THESE QUALITIES in my fiancee, and i believe that he would be a great stay at home father. if he actually WANTS to do it. i think the main word there is WANT. not because he was laid off, or disabled, or just didn't want to work.

    i plan to stay a staff nurse for awhile, or at least until my child(ren) is/ are still young. you can work 3 12 hour shifts, and be home for 4 days. tell your husband to find a flexible job, with a flexible work schedule and he can stay home those three days that you work. i know 4 nurses that do this, and they said it works out perfectly. i know one nurse that works three straight 12s nights, and takes care of her child during the day. luckily...he sleeps a lot and she gets enough rest. her husband is there to take care of the child during the evenings. there is more than one way, so that you can spend time with your child, and still earn enough for a comfortable living. but, keep in mind money isn't everything, and there are ppl that raise children with a lot less than a nurses salary!! good luck in your decision.

  9. by   mario_ragucci
    Originally posted by bobbiesal
    It has taught them that anyone can cook & clean & run errands, that the world doesn't have to be one that assigns jobs based on chromosomal makeup. That personality, much more than sex, determines who should raise kids and who should be the breadwinner.
    I agree very much wit this. Brain matter knows no's the other pathways. Well, birth related hormones are in the brain I think, so I just shot myself down :-(

    chromosome is comprised of meiosis and lots of cross over. Stuff like being intelligent has so much to do with what you observe and then remember how it will be positive when you try.
  10. by   E. Obrosky
    For your self, you NEED to have a job/career. Husbands can die, be disabled, leave. Get an associate degree first. You can get in the job market sooner. Then get your B.S.N. when you can. Be sure your hub keeps his contacts and job skills current, and if possible, working from home. He can increase his hours at home or out of home when the kids go to school. There may come a time later when you are burnt out & need his help w/ finances.
  11. by   mario_ragucci
    Originally posted by E. Obrosky
    There may come a time later when you are burnt out & need his help w/ finances.
    Lol, you know as well as I do, once a person is burnt out, they can not be re-lit. Thats why it's called burnt out.

    Neil Young said it best. He said, "it's better to burn out than it is to rust"
  12. by   bungies
    Originally posted by mario_ragucci

    Lol, you know as well as I do, once a person is burnt out, they can not be re-lit. Thats why it's called burnt out.

    Neil Young said it best. He said, "it's better to burn out than it is to rust"
    Surely better not to burn out at all, Mario!

    I'm just 6 months into my Graduate year and my husband is currently working at the Immunology Dept. of a local university packing media plates into boxes (oh, but you need a Science degree to pack boxes at a uni - would you believe it?)

    We've discussed several times him staying home when we have our kids and me working. I think it's a great idea in one respect, as his current job isn't exactly challenging, and his degree is a bit eclectic to lead to anything concrete, but I also feel that not working - even by choice - is frequently bad for self esteem. Even friends who are stay-at-home mothers have said the same thing.

    Our solution is that while I work full time this year and next, he'll do post-grad study in teaching, then we'll both work part time (3-4 days). This will allow for some time together as a family, very little or no time in childcare, and still bring in enough to live quite comfortably on.

    I don't know if that's helpful, Anagray. You know your hubby best - he might be happy at home, but perhaps even better off looking into retraining for something he really wants to do while at home. Just a thought!

  13. by   roobeary
    Yes I work and my hubby stays home with the kids, however he is disabled and unable to work but he tries so very hard to help at home as much as possible and he still fulfills the Biblical obligations as the husband in the home just not the one of financial support and we are ok with that. He is the one who goes on field trips and goes to teacher conferences and makes phone calls and takes the kids to the various functions they are involved in and with 3 kids that is alot of functions. He is truly a Mr. Mom. He makes the cupcakes and things for school, he does most of the homework with all the kids, and takes care of them when they are home sick. He is truly a fantastic hubby. And I appreciate all he does, even with his limitations due to his disabilities he does so many things for the kids that they would not get if both parents were working.
    Last edit by roobeary on Jun 8, '02