Dealing with death

[savealife]

I am looking for advice on dealing with death.

I graduated in May and began working in June on a tele unit. Aside from feeling quite similar to many new grads in the sense of feeling really stupid at times, I find my hardest dealing at this time to be with the death of a patient.

Since I started, I have had two Code Blues. Although I knew it would come sooner or later, I was hoping for later.

1st, for both codes, I feel I was ill prepared in the actual code process, again feeling stupid, not knowing how to document the situation as it proceeded. As the nurse, I understand my role is to report to the MD and be prepared as to the patient history etc. This part of the process I can improve over time and I am not concerned with.

However, my bigger problem is this, I made it through the codes as all the action was taking place, stumbling a little of course, but made it through. But, when the end came and the patients did not make it, I lost control of my emotions and cried. I questioned my abilities, my assessments, and my view of myself as being a weak individual for my expression of emotion. I also feel my peers see me as weak as well, although they state they don't. Both times I have taken this home with me and brewed for days over it.

I have had a very supportive team of nurses to help me, but some, with their explanation of "death is part of life" and "you'll get used to it as time goes on" just doesn't cut it for me and almost feels cold to me.

I was not naive to the fact that death would be a part of my career. I guess I feel some how I have not prepared myself well enough for it mentally.

I would like words of advice from others in how you have dealt with this throughout your careers.

Thank you in advance.

[JoeTheNurse]

Dealing with death came as part of my experience as a Squad Leader in the Infantry in Vietnam. The "defense mechanisms" and counseling methods that I learned in Vietnam helped me a great deal as a hospice nurse.

Nurses take on the role of spiritual guide and counselor when dealing with death.In my opinion, the highest art of nursing has to do with counseling,caring for and supporting dying patients and their families.

I served with the U.S. Army;4th Inf. Div.;2/8th Inf.;Republic of Vietnam 1969-1970

I to dealt with death while in Vietnam, almost every day (at least it fealt that way), I was an Army combat medic. The problem with seeing so much death is that you become hardened to a point where you find it dificult to show some empathy and/or compassion.

[justavolunteer]

I thought about my earlier post. I didn't mean to make the discussion about me. I was mainly trying to show that death touches us all. Obviously, we all learn to move along in life. (Some hospitals have counselors & support people who may be available for staff.)

I have also reminded nurses that most of their patients get well and go home. This is often due to the care that a nurse has given them. It helps to remember the good pt. outcomes, not just dwell on the ones who don't make it.

[leslie :-D]

I to dealt with death while in Vietnam, almost every day (at least it fealt that way), I was an Army combat medic. The problem with seeing so much death is that you become hardened to a point where you find it dificult to show some empathy and/or compassion.

correct me if i'm wrong, but working in such a traumatic environment and having to 'perform', our bodies pump the adrenaline r/t the fight or flight phenomena.

what you perceive as hardened, is a necessary and protective mechanism that enables you to tend to all the victims in their life and death situations.

that's why ptsd is rampant among soldiers in war.

you function as needed, during the horror.

but it's usually later, that the reality of what was witnessed or performed, that becomes a burden too much to bear.

i would be surprised to hear of vets who weren't affected by the horrors of war.

for sev'l yrs, i worked in-pt hospice with very high acuity pts.

much of the time it was intensive care for the dying and their families.

w/o getting into it, the yrs of dealing with tremendous suffering, caught up with me.

and all that time, i thought i was handling everything so well.

it often got to a point, that death was a welcomed relief.

it's not because i lost my compassion, but rather, the peace that came when the screaming, begging for the pain to end, the desperation....it stopped w/death.

i don't know if one ever gets used to it.

the day i get used to it is the day it doesn't affect me.

but with experience, you do learn ways of coping.

leslie