abused nurse...HELP!!! - page 2
hi, i am so frustrated i dont know where to turn, then i found this great forum for nurses. i need advice. i am in a critical care unit just turned trauma. stress is high as it is. problem is, a... Read More
Nov 18, '01Unhappy Nurse, the real question here is: is it JUST the one nurse or are there more than one trouble makers in the unit? You say you love your job and the patient care you are doing; if it is just the one nurse and she is making threatening comments like that behind your back; she definitely needs to be reported AND your hospital HAS to take measures to make your workplace a safe environment for you and your other co-workers. Verbal abuse is still violence. To me, this girl needs anger management and a severe reprimand from your superiors. HR should definitely be at this meeting that is planned for you; and bring your witnesses with you (or at least a list of those that will back you up on this). A critical care unit that is switching to a trauma unit is very busy; and I cannot understand why you wouldn't have a unit secretary for the phones and orders.
I can understand why it would take several hours to do post mortem cares in critical care/trauma with a grieving family and no secretary or CNA. Most families of patients in critical care are already stressed out because of the severity of the illness of their loved one and in the case of pulling a tube and letting them go, there may be many guilt feelings and angst among family members. It is sometimes hard to get the family to have closure and do it all without offending them.
Nov 18, '01While I have no idea how many people work in your unit, I do know that units do tend to be very clickish, you either fit or you don't. Sounds like you do not fit..and who would want to? I used to work in a 10 bed CCU and had some of the same problems, one of the nurses that I worked with was a drug addict, I was the charge nurse, whatever she did I was eventually responsible for, so I went to the head of the unit. Little did I knowthat they were lovers, so when I failed to get any satisfaction from my immediate boss, another nurse and I went to the director of critical care nursing. She basically told me to mind my own business, picked up the phone and called my boss, who immediately made the nurse in question the "new" charge nurse. The house supervisor told me of an opening in the ER and I got the hell out of there. I've been in the ER ever since and never regretted my decision to leave. I wish you the best, I know you love your job, but its just not worth it...besides the ER RULES!!!
Nov 18, '01I am sorry you are going through this but you are definately being harassed!!! Try to document negative interactions with this nurse and witnesses names who are around. You should not have to leave this job if you don't like it, it's not fair. I would report to someone higher than the charge nurses and manager's you've reported to. Also, christian or not, I would pull this nurse aside after shift and ask her what her problem is? Please stand up for yourself and let her know you will not take any of her s@#! any more!!! Good luck. If her behavior does not improve, high tail it out of there and let your boss know exactly why you are leaving. Don't let her frustrate you, it is only affecting YOUR health.
Nov 18, '01i want to thank you all for your advice and opinions. today I turned in a transfer request for the emergency room. it will probably be a while until i know anything, but God willing, it will be the right decision and i will get the position. thanks again!
Nov 18, '01Meanwhile, start a journal and document each and every episode of this garbage with date time and witnesses. It may come in handy!!
God be with you, as I'm sure he has been throughout this.
Nov 19, '01It is a shame that people like that are able to be in nursing and actually allowed to thrive in nursing. Growing up I had to deal with bullies, and I always thought, oh, well someday I will be grown up and not have to deal with bullies anymore. Wrong........these kind of people thrive on the informal power they get out of "running the show" and "running everyone" or "running everyone away". And they are supposed to be caring, compassionate nurses. Yes?????
[FONT=century gothic]You are not alone, unfortunately many of us have went through similar, going through similar or will go through similar again.
Now, my opinion is going to show!!!!! I think think there is definite good and bad in this world.....and people lean one way or the other without even knowing it!!!!! Think I 85-90% lean to the good!!!!! Or at least I strive to!!!!!
now very old quote reference---------WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!!!!
Nov 19, '01i am so sorry to read your about your situation. sounds like its time to go. for some reason these people don't like you. it's just the old nasty game of politics reaing it's ugly head at you. it doesn't matter if you are christian,jew or the best little wiccian this side of the mississippi,you are just going to lose at this game. it doesn't matter if you don't want to play the game. it doesn't matter if you are super nurse and do all the work,for everyone there. it doesn't matter if you insert a foley into your self and take no breaks they will still pick on you. i have seen this happen many times.they are dogging you and will not stop. i have never seen human resources help[ out much except to get you to a different unit. if the new unit is not "friends" with the ones you are on now it should be ok. if you want to give it another shot where you are....you must sit down with the one who has it in for you and have a heart to heart....this does not mean you lie down and let her abuse you more...you must get to the root of her problem with you. what can you do so she won't be so angry and passive agressive. with the rate of escalation however, soon she won't even be passive about it..life is not fair..work is less fair...that's why they pay us..lol...good luck to you and god bless..and remember sometimes when everythingthing is pushing you in a direction contrary to that in which you want to go ..there is a reason.the reason becomes clear once you let go and find the next door and the old one closes.....
Nov 19, '01try to think of everything she has said about you and all of the things that might come up in the meeting.
give the impression to your supervisors that you are actually grateful this meeting is taking place because you would like nothing more than to correct whatever "misunderstandings" have taken place. thank them for arranging it.
stay positive throughout the meeting. DONT put the other nurse down in any way. by all means stick up for yourself, but do it in a way that doesnt reflect on her negatively.
be very nice to her and your supervisors, be very professional. one thing they will be doing is observing how you both act when you are together.
establish yourself as a professional who is appreciative of her managers taking the initiative to correct any "misunderstandings" that have occured on the unit.
what do you think she will do?
sounds to me like shes a spaz. i would expect her to act that way in front of your managers too.
she is prob thinking that because the meeting was called mgmt is blaming you. but you know what? if shes doing this to you, shes doing it to other ppl too. your mgrs know this.
if you get upset (and i sure as hell would) dont let them see it. hold it in till after the meeting . let her be the one who loses control. if she is as you describe, you can count on that.
she will ruin her credibility. thats exactly what you want her to do.
you will look good, she will look whacked.
maybe then SHE will be the one asking for the transfer.
this is not an easy thing to do, i know, but ive done this to whackos that have played the political games with me and it ALWAYS works for me.
they always hang themselves, i just hand them the rope.
good luck to you
Nov 19, '01Good luck with your transfer. I am sorry you had to leave somewhere you love just remember you can always go back somewhere else. And that witch you spoke of her day will come. God doesn't like ugly take care. :-)
Nov 19, '01I agree with the NICU Goddess and Mopsi, keep a journal, dates times and witnesses.
This type of behavior should not be tolerated.
Years and years ago I moved to another state (which will remain unnamed). The nurses there had grown up together from preschool through nursing school. I came in as an outsider. I was never invited to lunch much less to any of the parties or get togethers outside of work. Plus any invitation that I gave was turned down. I had a few friends outside of the hospital so I was OK but it still hurt.
When my husband was transferred, they threw a very nice party, gave me a beautiful bracelet and wrote wonderful things in the card. But where was that nice stuff throughout the year that I was there?
The ER may be a better place for you but you may still have to watch you r back for a while. Continue to keep a journal, not for writing down everyone but for writing down how YOU are doing, what you learn and see, your goals, your frustrations etc.
Good luck to you
Nov 19, '01I've been reading this thread and it makes me sick. I have also been a target of harassment. It's good that you are looking at other options, your mental health needs to be a priority. However, since you were physically threatened, if I were you I would keep going up the chain of command and telling anyone who will listen that you were threatened on the job and don't feel safe working with this person in this hostile work enviornment. (The EEOC deals with harassment and hostile work enviornment issues) I would do this regradless of whether I thought she would make good on her threat to punch me. Absolutely, go to the meeting and confront her, plan in advance what you will say. go in with something written, document everything that goes on. Make sure you are heard before you move on out of that unit.
I realize that this is easy for me to be a troublemaker from several states away. Think of how the issue of child abuse has changed over the years. Today, the child is believed when he/she claims abuse instead of being told that the abuse is their fault or not being believed. This was not the case in the past. As nurses, (in my state) we have legal duties take seriously and act on suspicions of abuse, child, domestic, elder, etc. Harassment, verbal abuse, and threats are just as abusive and damaging as physical violence. If we can advocate against abuse for our patients, what will it take to make it politically correct not to tolerate abuse in the workplace?. Abuse can only thrive in an enviornment of secrecy, looking the other way, pretending it doesn't exist, and blaming the victim.
Good luck in whatever you decide. Thanks for the chance to give back some of the support I have received from this site.
Nov 19, '01You sound like to good a nurse to be wasted in a unit that sounds really disturbed. That nurse should find a different position or career. Unfortunately there are always people like that, and you have to look deep into those reasons why people behave like that if you wish to stay in your job. What I do, is to smile and laugh at the person, obviously not too there face, but when you go to the bathroom for example. I guess it sounds like that nurse has the opinion that a deceased patient is not a patient, and should not be cared for, with the dignity that they would deserve, what just because they dont put the call light on every five minutes etc. Dealing with death and dying is incredably time consuming, and she has to remember that the patients family payes her salary, and thus is her employer. It really annoys me when people (nurses) are pains in the a**s