FURIOUS at RNs at school

[2bRNifitkillsme]

Hello,

I am in my second year in a diploma (soon-to-be degree) program based at a local hospital. The two-year program is very reputable, but very challenging. I am 36, a man, married with two kids and working part-time at a methadone clinic. My goal is to work with drug addicts and/or acute psychiatric patients upon discharge.

Right now, I'm in a very intense med-surg course (both for classrooms and clinicals). I didn't do well on the first test, so now I have to study like crazy. My clinical professor is very thorough and meticulous and I'm grateful for that -- although it makes for a lot of work.

My anger -- and no, it's not just frustration, it's ANGER -- lies at the RNs at the school's parent hospital. Some of them are wonderful, helpful and kind, but others seem to bring all their baggage with them and take it out on YOU. It seems like many will do ANYTHING to throw a student under the bus. In 201, I was written up for having a food stain on my pants (THEY'RE WHITE -- things happen!) and a scraggly beard (it was just growing in -- it couldn't be scraggly). In 203, a nurse actually complained to an instructor that I was ANNOYING her with communication about stuff I was INSTRUCTED to communicate to her. I wasn't breaking any policy or even usual practice. Just being annoying. This same nurse is celebrated with her picture throughout the hospital with a recent special award for treating her patients "like family." Yeah, maybe, but she treats her students like dirt.

Which leads me to today. At the end of my clinical rotation in peds, my instructor said that somebody had reported me referring to a narcotic painkiller with the words "that's the good stuff" in front of a 16-year-old patient. Not only did I not say that -- I would NEVER say that. It's unprofessional and foolish. I do sometimes use the phrase "good stuff" as words of encouragement in my daily conversation, but I would never say it to glamorize a drug. I vehemently denied using that terminology and I think the instructor believed me -- because she said she'd leave it alone. She did mention (as every other instructor has), that I can be very excitable (lifelong ADHD) and can work people up. So what? Most people find that endearing. Maybe these nurses don't.

Anyway, these interactions have left me with a very bitter taste in my mouth. I don't even want to apply at this hospital anymore, despite the advantage they give to graduating students. I feel like I'd tell off these nasty ladies in my first few days. And if I was going to work in a hospital, it would be the ER, psych or peds. But I wonder what/who I am that is so off-putting that someone would just assume the worst about me -- including a misheard "inappropriate" comment that wasn't.

Very frustrated right now. Insights are certainly appreciated.

[rnwestla]

It seems like it's human nature to focus on the negative feedback... we all do it and there is something to be said for it, too... we want to know when we're not doing what we should or could be doing. I would say you are right to look at this and figure out if you are bugging people. ALSO... I would be careful about seeing a pattern with other nurses. Some are overworked, some are burnt out, some are having a hard day, life, etc., just like anybody else.

I can tell the story of my clinical rotations many ways... one where it was crazy event after another, but also where I met great nurse after great nurse who changed so much for me in so many good ways.

In your position I would be curious about interactions outside the hospital as well... does this happen with friends or families or neighbors... where you feel falsely accused or targeted or just misunderstood... because if that pattern is valid it won't JUST occur in the hospital (I would guess) and then you can go from there and figure out how you are making things harder for yourself.

OR... you can say, well, this has been weird but OVERALL I get along really well with people and have... need to chalk this up to a learning experience, etc.

I will add that I have a ton of enthusiasm and do have to tone it down especially with new people and in the mornings... it's not that there is anything wrong with it but it's jarring and I got that pretty early on in terms of the wide-eyed look of horror my chirpy greetings and 80 questions seemed to elicit.

Tough on the ego but good for the soul, you know?

Good luck.

[llg, PhD, RN]

This caught my eye. Nursing instructors typically bend over backwards to be as sensitive, gentle, subtle, and supportive as they can be about giving student feedback about personal qualities (and, in my experience, they don't get into personal qualities unless there's just no way around it). If every instructor you've had has mentioned something along these lines (that you "can be very excitable" and "can work people up"), that seems like a big red flag to me. Obvioiusly, it's not "endearing" (who are the "most people" who find it so? Your family and friends, or people who have to work with you for eight or twelve hours?) -- it's something you need to work on.

Best wishes for your journey!

I 100% agree with elkpark here. I think this is the your answer -- or rather, the source of your problem.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

If every instructor you've had has mentioned something along these lines (that you "can be very excitable" and "can work people up"), that seems like a big red flag to me.

There's a saying (and you will frequently hear it or a similar one if you do decide to go into addictions nursing): If one person calls you a duck, ignore them. But if 10 people call you a duck, start looking for tail feathers.

It's not necessarily saying that you definitely are a duck (or excitable or of the working-people-up type). But there IS something valid there that is causing people to draw this conclusion about you. It's easy to be blind to our own quirks and faults because we are so used to them--we may not notice them whereas others do.

I think you need to do is step back and do some honest self-assessment, and/or have a trusted friend or classmate give you some honest feedback about how you are coming across.

Best of luck with the rest of nursing school.

[JessiG]

I am a female, currently in my BSN program and going through clinicals. I also have been diagnosed w/ADD (no H in mine though) and also would love to work in a drug/alcohol treatment program later on. I have watched many people close to me battle these issues, some come out on top and some sadly don't come out at all...but my story is besides the point, just know that it is a very difficult field and takes a very special person to work with those battling addiction and the fact that you want to do it is awesome! Anyways, welcome to the world of working with predominately females Like I said, I am female and love women, nothing against them, but some can be very "catty" and tend to gossip and feed off each other. When one doesn't like someone, they may talk and then it can get passed on to another and before you know it, a group of women don't like you because one had a negative encounter and talked it up until the rest of their group felt the same way...and when you believe something, you tend to see more of it. Whether it is there or not. So that works both ways, with them seeing your negative behavior and with you seeing their dislike in your actions. I do not know your exact situation so I can not tell if you have actually ruffled some feathers or if you walked into a den full of felines, but either way, keep your head down, kill em with kindness, and move on. I have also been in situations where I felt I was viewed negatively or treated unfairly and if you let it get to you it will eventually overcome you. I just try my hardest to focus on the job at hand, the goal in my future, and to pat myself on the back for being the bigger person and not falling victim to (or joining in on) the gossip and name calling that others choice to make the focus of their life.

[RNlove17]

I think assuming something is inherently wrong with you, based on a message board post that doesn't include much info, is a little far reaching. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't - we don't know.

Many nurses are ******, just look around this site and you'll see it. And many women are ****** in general, in the workplace. I had a nursing instructor always say "remember, you deserve to be on this unit as much as anyone else." So have confidence in yourself and value your own self worth. Because some nurses WILL try to devalue you because it makes them feel better about themselves, they are bullies, etc. Some nurses just don't like students because they think they interfere with their own duties, they hate teaching, they don't like dealing with people (lol), etc. Meet with your clinical instructor to discuss this issue and ask for his/her HONEST feedback. This is the time to work on what you need to improve before getting out in the real world. Everyone has issues - personally and professionally - that they need to work on. Yes it is possible you are rubbing some nurses the wrong way, if you have no insight into that than maybe your instructor does. Don't make any scenes at actual clinical though, keep your head down and try to be as accommodating as possible. You just have to get through clinical.

[beshacohen]

I was called "Overbearing" by an instructor during clinicals. My reaction was similar to yours. I called shenanigans on it. I felt I was being persecuted for coming from a different culture. I lived most of my adult life in NYC. New Yorkers are just different from people in the town where I live now. We're more direct, more energetic. We talk faster. We tend to talk more. There is one thing my instructor said during that conversation that really helps me in my practice today. She said, "These are sick people."

I AM charming. I DO work people up, in a good way. I encourage them to take responsibility for their own outcome. I give them information that the doctor doesn't have time for (appropriately, without stepping outside my scope, and in line with their ability to understand.) I encourage them to fight, if that is what they need to do. But with a sick person who is scared and tired, and hurting, I do none of these things. I sit quietly and hold their hand. I listen to whatever they want to talk about. I validate them.

The thing that teacher taught me (without meaning to) was that in a hospital setting I must park my personality at the door and be whatever the patient needs that day, that time, in that situation. It isn't about me. It's about the patient.

Sometimes one has to read between the lines of narrative to learn a lesson that the teacher doesn't know she is teaching. You can learn from anyone, even if what you're learning is to avoid being like them. You're in school to learn. Focus on that. Turn your anger into opportunity.

You're right. You have no worries about finding a job. You're a man. Men get hired. Men get promoted. Men get better money. It's unfair to female nurses, but it's a fact.

[AlannaCT, BSN, RN]

Sorry to hear about your trouble, but have you ever heard the term: Nurses eat their young? well, get used to it because it's real and it's out there, most nurses will be glad to throw other nurses under the bus. If you doubt me go to any library and search the peer reviewed nursing journals for "nursing lateral violence", " nurse on nurse violence", "horizontal violence in nursing"...etc...you will see plenty of details of a silent epidemic that no nurse wants to admit or talk about. Better get used to it cause, you will get them in all parts of nursing, nurses who: won't help you, won't teach you, won't be team players, will be the first to throw you under the bus and report you, nurses who are rude, condescending, will treat you like crap...it is real, and it is part of the profession.

Good luck

[AlannaCT, BSN, RN]

Hmm, I am not sure were you live, but in my area, the northeast, all the hospitals want are BSNs and will not hire diploma grads or A.S. grads unless they already have BA. or BS. It is the new reality of nursing with the whole nursing profession moving towards, APRNs, NPs with doctorate, BSNs & MSNs employed in hospitals, the A.S nurse in nursing homes, and diploma & LPNs out of luck.

[lovenotwar14]

My advice is to keep your head down and let your work speak for its self. You def don't want to get kicked out for something so petty.

[ChristineN, BSN, RN]

Hmm I am not sure were you live, but in my area, the northeast, all the hospitals want are BSNs and will not hire diploma grads or A.S. grads unless they already have BA. or BS. It is the new reality of nursing with the whole nursing profession moving towards, APRNs, NPs with doctorate, BSNs & MSNs employed in hospitals, the A.S nurse in nursing homes, and diploma & LPNs out of luck.[/quote']

I am pretty sure the OP is in PA where there are a large number of diploma programs. This area of the country is unique in the hospitals still give preferential hiring to graduates of their own diploma programs. Assuming the OP can graduate, finding a job shouldn't be a problem

[CaitRoseRN, BSN, RN]

Hmm, I am not sure were you live, but in my area, the northeast, all the hospitals want are BSNs and will not hire diploma grads or A.S. grads unless they already have BA. or BS. It is the new reality of nursing with the whole nursing profession moving towards, APRNs, NPs with doctorate, BSNs & MSNs employed in hospitals, the A.S nurse in nursing homes, and diploma & LPNs out of luck.

Also, I live in the northeast area (NJ) and I also graduated from a ASN/diploma RN program and I haven't had any trouble finding a job. I had 5 interviews and two job offers. Of course it is who you know, but not all the interviews I went on were through connections. So there is hope for RN's without your BSN afterall... but definetly get it sooner then later. Starting my BSN in January, wish me luck! And good luck to you too!

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

Dude, honestly I'm pretty frank when I see nonsense and some of this is being bounced on you because you are a man getting into a woman's field. Some just can't wrap their heads around it especially some of the "seasoned" RNs. My first semester was terrible. Basically me and the other guys in class just say, keep your head low and get through the program. They say jump, you say how high. I just doing what it takes to survive. Some will also just nag at you just to push your buttons to see how you will react, then they can write you up for something. Not only some RN's will try to throw you under the bus but patients as well so don't take it personal, just get used to it. Unless they got solid proof of something I won't even worry about it.

All I'd say is just try to chill out, ignore the snobbish bickering and get your diploma. A lot of new grads say its different being a nursing student and being a new grad RN in training so I won't write that hospital off, just on a count of a couple of nurses bad impression of you. As for the facial hair, unless you are being fitted for a mask that requires clean shave, which would be only in an isolation level that nursing students don't even get to go in, I'll just ignore it and just be polite about it, like say something like you'll do it next time. Hang in there man..Don't take anything they say personally, don't let the estrogen get to you...I know because I'm married and have 2 girls.