I took care of a guy once who had an injury to the third toe and complete amputation of the fourth toe. When asked how this injury occurred......"I was using my twelve gauge shot gun to kill moles in my yard." :chuckle
All I kept thinking was "you might be a redneck if........." :rotfl:
I told him that I hoped his family was going to get plenty of miles out of his injury and his son said "oh yeah. The last thing I told him was not to shoot his foot with the gun." The guy had been balancing the barrel of the gun on his shoe while he waited for signs of the moles moving underground.
Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
I was a young Sergeant artillery section chief at Ft. Bragg, and showing some newbies (Cherries) how to rig an artillery piece for Heavy Drop. Showing (and warning) them of the dangers of letting the rachet on the tie down strap loose while it is under a lot of tension- you don't want your "piece " to separate from the drop platform. The Cherry lets go, and of course, My knee is in the direct path! Needless to say, I spent that field exercise on bedrest and with ice and narcs!
First of all this never came to mind when I heard the word "fracture" but apparently it happens! I have had two patients with this diagnosis and the last one being the "funniest"?
I had a male patient come in and states, "My member is HUGE!" I take a couple steps back and ask him to repeat himself. Again he says the same thing. He says he needs the Dr to come take a look at it right away because it is just HUGE!...NO PROBLEM...off to get the the MD.
Doc comes back out, says, "He fractured his member!" HUH??
So then the pt. girlfriend comes back to the room, the patient gives the details of "Me and my lady were...well...you know...and then I felt a pop!"
So in the meantime, the secretary is taking a phonecall at the desk and transferring it to the patients room, he picked up and there was no one there....
The secretary says, the patients WIFE just called from her cellphone and was frantic because a friend of the patients just called her and told her the patient was in the ER but she didnt know why...
Guess who shows up!
Needless to say, security had to get involved!
Let that be a lessen to them boys that think they are getting away with somethin'! :chuckle:chuckle
here is one i saw on the internet, took me a few days to find the story and picture.
... statistics show that archery is safer than baseball, football, and even soccer, ...
october, 2001 - two brothers, ron and brian, were hunting deer. as ron shot his bow, he bumped his brother, causing brian to swivel as he was shooting and his arrow hit ron in the back of his head. the arrow penetrated ron's skull and pierced his brain. the fact that the brothers were standing close together prevented the accident from being worse. ron remained conscious and was calming brian down, who was shaken by the incident, as they walked from the woods. surgeons spent three hours removing the arrow.
took care of a ranch hand once who was got an eye infection after collecting a sperm specimen from a bull. Until then I had never considered this was a "manual" procedure.
I wonder if this would count as an STD?
Boy that lends it's self to an entirely new meaning when you hear some body say they hand bred the cattle. And to think I thought it ment just taking the bull to the cow.......
I had this guy come into the ER with C/O feeling of fullness abdomen and rectal pain. Stated he got drunk night before and had taken someone home with him and thinks he passed out. On digital exam an object was felt but could not be extracted manually. He was then given conscious sedation but they were still not successful. He was then taken to surgery and under general anesthesia using a rectal dilator they extracted a 8 inch vibrator that was still running. Good batteries uh!!!!!!
we had a teenage boy and girl come in by ems for getting their braces stuck together.
Father of the girl came in before the Doc got them unhooked
The father wasnt amused as we were
So that isn't an urban legend after all! Note to kids (and adults) with braces: Be careful when you share a strand of spaghetti a la "Lady and the Tramp."
:chuckle
Better this than the girl who had to be unstuck from the gearshift! Yes, she sat on it.
First of all this never came to mind when I heard the word "fracture" but apparently it happens! I have had two patients with this diagnosis and the last one being the "funniest"?
I had a male patient come in and states, "My member is HUGE!" I take a couple steps back and ask him to repeat himself. Again he says the same thing. He says he needs the Dr to come take a look at it right away because it is just HUGE!...NO PROBLEM...off to get the the MD.
Doc comes back out, says, "He fractured his member!" HUH??
So then the pt. girlfriend comes back to the room, the patient gives the details of "Me and my lady were...well...you know...and then I felt a pop!"
So in the meantime, the secretary is taking a phonecall at the desk and transferring it to the patients room, he picked up and there was no one there....
The secretary says, the patients WIFE just called from her cellphone and was frantic because a friend of the patients just called her and told her the patient was in the ER but she didnt know why...
Guess who shows up!
Needless to say, security had to get involved!
Let that be a lessen to them boys that think they are getting away with somethin'! :chuckle:chuckle
How did the patient's friend find out? If s/he was a hospital employee, s/he could have lost their job, even before HIPAA.
When I was working at a local hospital, one of our human resources secretaries managed to amputate half of her pointer finger by slamming it shut in a file cabinet drawer. They were able to reattach it, but how she managed to completely cut it off that way, I have no idea.
I have a friend who did this to the tip of a pinky finger. Thing is, it grew back because it was cut off beyond the base of the nail; it doesn't look like the one she was born with but it has a complete nail.
She told me later that the first few days, she took the maximum dose of Darvocet, and for the breakthrough pain took the maximum dose of Tylenol. I nearly blew out her eardrum going "WHAAATTTTTT?" and she said, "Oh, is that dangerous?"
Yes, extremely! But it was just for a short time, so her liver probably rebounded.
Had a 50 something man come in after thinking that the vacuum might be pleasant to use "you know where." Unfortunately, he didn't use the hose of the shop-vac, thought there would be better suction if he was closer to the motor. He's not half the man he used to be. Wound up somehow being picked up by national news service!! (yes, ETOH was involved)
[/b]Attached to his crotch area by duct tape was a very large "zucchini"....!!! When he finally woke up and was able to talk; he was totally embarrassed by the zucchini lying on his bedside table!!
Ever seen "This Is Spinal Tap"? There's a scene where the band is going through an airport metal detector, and it goes off when Derek, the bass player, passes through. He gets wanded, and it squawks when it's passed over his private area. The security guard says, "Do you have any artificial limbs or plates?" He replies, "Not exactly" and proceeds to unzip his pants and extricate a zucchini wrapped in aluminum foil.
This scene is immediately followed by Nigel Tufnel playing a lovely classically influenced piano number called "Lick My Love Pump".
:lol:
But that's nowhere near as funny as the drummer who choked on vomit. (people in theater: "EWWWWWW!") But it was actually someone else's (people in theater: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!") vomit that he choked on. Unfortunately, Scotland Yard did not have the facilities to identify whose vomit it was. It's not like fingerprints; you can't dust for vomit.
:chuckle:chuckle
Vikingkitten
172 Posts
I was a young Sergeant artillery section chief at Ft. Bragg, and showing some newbies (Cherries) how to rig an artillery piece for Heavy Drop. Showing (and warning) them of the dangers of letting the rachet on the tie down strap loose while it is under a lot of tension- you don't want your "piece " to separate from the drop platform. The Cherry lets go, and of course, My knee is in the direct path! Needless to say, I spent that field exercise on bedrest and with ice and narcs!