Frustrated is an understatement...

labordude, BSN, RN · Dec 23, 2014

I did have to read through a few times to really get the gist of everything. First, take a deep breath. You can even yell for a minute to let the tension go. Then I'd highly recommend the iPhone app Headspace. Back to your post, there are a few things that stand out to me that I'll respond to. First, you mentioned that " After the very first weekend I worked with them I brought to my assistant directors attention the attitudes that were present with this crew" I would not recommend you ever do this. You did say later that you tried to speak with the charge nurse you were having the issue with, but it was unclear whether you did that first or went to the manager. It's certainly okay to bring in outside mediator help if two people can't get something fixed, but don't bring a 'naughty list' with you.

Second, about the complaint letter. It happens to most people at some point. Learn from it what you can and move on. Enough said.

Third, while understanding the culture of an area is important it shouldn't be necessary to change your personality. It might be necessary to alter some of your speech patterns (not necessarily using certain words you aren't comfortable with though) because I have met people from certain southern areas who perceive us northerners to be a little uppity.

Fourth, I must caution you to pay attention to something you said.but these issues seem to be following me from hospital to hospital (worked at 2 since moving down south 3 years ago Two time is a coincidence, three times is a pattern where the common denominator is not the hospital.

Your response to this situation must depend on what you want to get out of it. Do you want to stay? Fix what you can, find a way to work professionally with the people there, or realize it will never work and leave if it is that stressful. It seems clear that charge nurse doesn't want to work with you one on one, perhaps there needs to be a third party sitting with you during your conversation to keep it on track and hold people accountable.

Best of luck, PM if I can help you any more.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Dec 23, 2014

When I got down to this being the third job similar issues have come up, that changed the whole context of your dilemma.

I'm afraid you have to take whatever complaints you are getting seriously, in spite of what all nonsense is going on around you by other nurses.

It's not all that uncommon! Most fairly new nurse's need to get socialized into nursing, it's one of those fields where certain things really stick out like a sore thumb, not bad things necessarily but in the context of nursing, they are problematic. I couldn't really tell from your post what they are, because you yourself seem unaware. If it's gone on in three different settings, then let this be the last one.

It is a part of maturity to be able to take constructive criticism without getting defensive and freaking out. It's not easy but I guarantee you your career as a nurse will be so much more satisfying. What talents you do have will never get developed unless you are willing to accept uncomfortable feedback.

My first several years as a nurse I got consistent sometimes nice, sometimes not so nice feedback that I was too 'passive'. Sometimes, it was called 'laziness'. Anyway, it came up over and over again. It baffled me, I got my work done, missed a bit of charting here and there, missed a progress note here and there . . . I got defensive. What's the big effing deal? Well, in nursing it IS a big deal. Not for me to decide it wasn't. I had to grow up and stop 'rebelling' and take responsibility for myself. Had to eat some humble pie :)

Forget for NOW about the 'tude issues with the other nurse(s), you clearly need to put your energy into yourself. Is there an EAP available at your work place? Maybe you could develop a helpful relationship with the manager, and check in with him/her for feedback on how you are doing. Nurses aren't great at admitting their own issues to each other but that doesn't mean they don't happen. You are hardly alone.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 24, 2014

Go in and do your job, do not complain about the behavior of others unless it is bullying in nature towards you directly, or in fact a patient safety issue.

If this is your 3rd job in just as many years, there can be a pattern that you have developed that needs to be changed. And the only way to do that is to look objectively at your professional behaviors and practices and conform them,

You are a person outside of work that can do and say whatever you see fit. While you are working, you need to be an effective nurse in both practice and professional behaviors.

Stop listening to other's chit-chat, and when spoken to by your charge, if you do not understand the directions, ask for clarification.

A patient complained in a letter. Not the offending co-workers. Therefore, it is not on them. Ask to read the letter. Objectively take the point of the letter to develop a timelined improvement plan.

If you are union, speak to a union rep regarding these issues.

Finally, It may be in your professional best interest to seek a therapist who can coach you in your career. Sometimes, we develop patterns of professional demeanor that is not in our own best interests. Or as my Mother would say "can't get out of our own way". This is changeable behavior.

Do not spend copious amounts of time writing down things that could incriminate you as opposed to the reasons you intend that "information" to be used. I know that there are so many nurses who could tell you that the professional behaviors of some others is mind blowing. With that being said, you can only control your own practice.

Do NOT allow a meeting to end without a written plan in place. That a manager is going to point out deficiencies in practice is one thing, but to agree on how to change/improve them is quite another. Unfortunately, you need to adapt to the culture in a way that makes sense to you. No drama. No personalization. This is about your practice, not who you are as a person outside of the facility.

If you are so inclined, you can state to the face of, and with the manager present, the charge's treatment of you PROFESSIONALLY. "When you delegate me in a degrading manner, I find that professionally inappropriate" "When you question my practice in the presence of patients, I find that it affects patient's trust in my abilities as a nurse"

Be 100% sure that you never, ever, discuss with a patient that you are being treated poorly. Reading in between the lines of the patient you hugged when she left--Do not get into personal/professional conversations with a patient, ever. I the complaint letter is regarding your practice, then you can certainly address the issues and be re-educated. (timelined and goal oriented)

Best wishes and let us know how it goes.

Anonymous865 · Dec 24, 2014

It's not very clear from the post, but I think the Op is saying that the issues she is having started when she took a job in the south. If that is the case, she probably doesn't understand the culture of her new community. If someone were to travel to Japan, they would make an effort to learn the culture of Japan and adapt their behavior to that culture. You need to do the same thing when you move within the US.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Dec 24, 2014

Boy it that the truth...when I moved to New England they did not understand me and I did not understand them....It remains a struggle.

I am warm and fuzzy....I say honey and sweetheart. I hug patients (if welcomed) and hold hands. People in New England are just....well...different.

OP....learn your culture. Everyone has given great advice. The writing up....I know in NE the best defense is a good offense...but it isn't like that elsewhere.

What Jade said its right.....get a plan. Tell them you are trying to adjust. Be friendly but firm...maybe change shifts?