Friends at work?

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Oct 14, 2009

I don't go to work specifically to make friends but in the process of working I have made a few and am glad for it. Like Tweety I try not to worry about backstabbing as long as I'm not the one doing it.

gentle · Oct 14, 2009

Just the other day I heard someone say she didn't come to work to make new friends and that comment kind of stuck with me. How do you see that? According to her, every other person says something, but when she does, these same friends run along and are the first to turn her in.

It doesn't sound like she has friends at work. It doesn't sound like she should put forth the effort to make any friends at her work environment either. I know I wouldn't.

I finally learned that I don't think I really need friends at work. I don't think I really want friends at work either. I have a good support system outside of work. Sometimes, I do make the big mistake and say things at work about my private life that I shouldn't-especially, if I'm trying to hold it together and finally end up teary. (Which has happened all too often over the last 2 years.)

My thought is be nice to everyone. Share soda, Starbucks, donuts, cinnamon rolls, M&Ms, and coffee creamer. Make work a nice place for everyone to come to, if you can. If I get that and can give that, then for me I've made friends.

gentle · Oct 14, 2009

That said, in my experience, people who say "I didn't come here to make friends" are usually trying to justify rudeness or bullying.

That is very interesting. I have had quite the opposite experience. I was recently involved in a situation where the people who wanted to appear friendly and did try to appear friendly, were and still are inappropriate individuals. They are the ones who were and still are trying to justify their rudeness and bullying. And it is blatant.

In addition to this, I have seen people who made the statement "I didn't come here to make friends", who had come out of a situation I described as above, and they were trying to protect themselves.

I have would, and will continue to give people who tell me the above statement alot of space and time. My experience is some of those people have been really burned in toxic environments. They are sooo on guard and defensive, they can't always distinguish when a threat is imminent or not. Something they have encountered in life has made them that way.

I had blessed experience of working with a phenomenal team of nurses who were able to be patient with the injured nurses who came to our facility. Eventually the many of the injured nurses would heal. I no longer work there as I was changing specialties at the time. But that facility is truly a rare gem of a place to work in.