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Found out I may be bipolar----explains alot

Posted

Specializes in med/surg. Has 18 years experience.

Back in Feb 09, I posted on the general forum that I had some type of panic attack at work and had to tell my nurse manager I could not work that morning. I had called her into the office first thing after the day before having a horrible day. I had worked at the hospital for 3 years. I didn't know what was going on with me, but was diagnosed by a PA with depression, panic attacks and anxiety. I could not go back to work and had to go on medical leave. There I sat at home pondering where on earth I would go from there. After weeks, I thought I was better, and had planned on going back to work. On that day, I had a panic attack at the mere thought and could not go in. My Medical leave was extended. Meanwhile, knowing I could not take the stress of hospital work, I took a chance and asked for my old job back that I had 6 years ago in home health and by a miracle, there was an opening. It is MUCH less stressful and I jumped at it. After starting I was on cloud nine. Low stress, I felt like I could cope, but then after the euphoria of having a less stressful job leveled off, I started getting depressed again. When I get depressed, I feel like the whole world is bad, I hate everything except my family and I think evil has taken over the world. I don't like many people and I don't want to go to social events. I eat too much, I gain weight, I have no will power, I have no interest in much of anything and its all I can do to go to work.

So, I thought I was not doing well, so I asked for counseling. He asked for me to keep a diary of my moods and things and amazingly, I realized just how much my moods swing. I go for several days of depression, then become elated (but I don't think the elation is extreme) then I feel almost normal, and then the cycles go again. He thinks I have a mood disorder and may even be bipolar. I have an appt with a doctor next week and he will send his info to her.

I get along well with my family. I don't have the classic symptoms of the manic part of bipolar disorder in that I don't spend too much money, desire sex unusually or am unable to sleep. Rather I just feel euphoric and get extremely hyped up with all that I'm inter tested in, am high energy and really feel euphoric. I never know how I will feel from on day to the next. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. My memory is shot.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, just need to vent. I'm just really still lost and this has been going on for months and months.

I think I need a hug.....

Hello, inthesouthrn! I am sending you a big Texas sized hug. Let us know how you are doing. :specs:

inthesouthrn

Specializes in med/surg. Has 18 years experience.

Thank you! They say things are bigger in Texas! :)

the first thing to tell you is: it's not your fault. i had a wonderful physician who helped me for years to understand the complexity of our chemical makeup. now that you have the time and resources to work this out, things will probably get better.

((((((((((inthesouthrn)))))))))

let's hope that the hardest part is over. :specs:

dont forget that the first step is a thorough physical including endocrinolgy.

Being Bi-Polar does not necessarily mean going into great debt over unwanted purchases or grabbing sex everywhere. It is a broad range of symptoms that fit together over time. It is freeing to have a name for your symptoms. Before dx I had no idea why I would have some of the behaviors you mention. For me the memory issues were really bad. I had been placed on antidepressants (which sometimes make B-P worse). Now I am fairly well controlled in spite of many stressors.

Get checked out and do what you are told. I fought the necessary tx for a long time but eventually I did what I was told. Glad you are getting care.

inthesouthrn

Specializes in med/surg. Has 18 years experience.

UPDATE:

Thought I might come here and update you all on my post of 11-09. Here it is, May 30, 2011 and I am still not stabilized with my bipolar. It is bipolar type 2, where one does not have periods of mania with the depression, but periods of hypomania. Hypomania is not as severe as mania and mostly manifests itself with just a real good mood, nothing extreme, or agitation. A mixed state is a mixture of both depression & hypomania where it really puts you in quite a state. I've learned alot as I did not even know a type 2 existed.

I'm currently on Pristiq for depression, but they can't find a mood stabilizer for me because one of them put me in a state of panic attacks and the other one knocked me out. So he increased the Pristiq and that's where I am now. However, I believe this has aggravated my hypomanic state where I get quite agitated.

For me, I really think that I was not the kind of person that should have taken on the stressor of being a hospital floor nurse. Though it is wonderful for those who can take stress, or have a good way to deal with stress, it was just not for me. I think my mind and body could not take anymore and I had a mental breakdown one day at work. I have not been the same since.

New nurses out there, good luck and know your limits. Most of you will do well. Just know yourself.