Former foster kids who are becoming nurses...

mrsboots87 · Nov 12, 2013

I cannot understand your exact situation, but keep in mind that even though your friends with parents may not understand living on your own and not having parents or family to rely, many other people who are not foster children face the same thing. Being a foster child does not make your expenses or hardships any worse then the person who lives out of state from any family, or the person who has small children and lives on their own with no outside assistance. Your friends may advise to live with parents and such, but you will need to get used to living just like everyone else. Only you can see your situation as a disadvantage, when in truth it is just normal adult living to do this on your own. Good luck. You can do this, think positive and work hard in school and life and you will be just fine.

amberdawn85 · Nov 12, 2013

I'm not trying to be rude but it sounds like what many others go through. I don't like with my parents, instead with my 3 babies. We worry about all of those things you mentioned, plus providing for them and I don't qualify for any financial aid so I pay out of pocket for all my schooling. The idea of going to work and coming home to study sounds great! I don't study until all the kids are asleep, I stay up late and then wake up early, living off 5 hours of sleep every night to manage a happy family and school.

Guests · Nov 12, 2013

I know one foster kid up close and personal... because he lived with us until he aged out and we both left home for boot camp.

He picked himself up by his own bootstraps and has made a great life for himself. He faced obstacles that I never have but he's accomplished far more than have I.

I don't have to be a foster kid to understand foster kids...

Lots of people from disadvantaged backgrounds overcome their challenges and excel in life... that includes victims of child abuse, poverty, foster kids, and orphans...

You can do whatever you set your mind to.

"What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve"

Fawnz · Nov 14, 2013

The first two commenters are a perfect example of what my non-foster kid peers say. The fact of the matter is that problems sometimes intersect, in my case I have financial issues and no parents. You can either understand both issues, one issue or none at all. If you understand both issues, great you are the best person for me to ask advice. If you understand one issue, that's fine, but sometimes advice not completely apply to me. And if you don't understand either issue, I don't know why you would offer me advice at all - it's like childless couples giving advice to parents.

If anyone has some great tips for financial problems, that's great. But it would also be nice to hear some advice that deals specifically with crown wards.

Also...yes you kind of do have to be a foster kid to understand one. Explain in depth the problems a foster kids faces. Why does only 44% of foster kids graduate high school, compared to 88% of the general population? Why do only less than 2% of foster kids go on to higher education? Why are foster kids more likely to become homeless? What specific obstacles do they face? If you honestly don't know, then you don't really understand.

And yes foster kids, and other people from disadvantaged groups can succeed, but most struggle. And those who don't have ways to combat these struggles will fail...hence why I'm asking for advice...specifically from foster kids...especially from successful foster kids because they met these struggles and somehow overcame them.

If you don't understand foster kids, just don't comment at all. It's like telling a parent to quit whining about how tired she is, she should just manage her time better...when you have never had the experience of raising children.

If you want to give me advice about financial stuff, fantastic, I'll be happy to hear about tips. Especially if your main source of income was financial aid, OR if you worked part time while in school full time. Hearing about financial or time management tips would be great.

mrsboots87 · Nov 14, 2013

Honestly, you are only further proving what I was trying to say. Only YOU can make YOUR situation a DISADVANTAGE. You assume I know nothing of foster kids which is immature. My best friend in highschool was in and out of foster homes her entire life because her mother was a drug addict. She had to see her parent in the depths of drug use, then get taken away. I have seen her struggles and helped her the best I could. She is not using the fact she was a 75% of the time foster child as a way to say her life is so much harder.

Yes, you were dealt a crappy hand in the parents department. Some foster homes are crap with caretakers not caring about anything but the monthly check and let the kids fend for themselves. Some are good, but the majority leave the kids feeling like they are missing some part of themselves. Mentally, this is drainging to the foster child and does not set them up for a bright future. Hence the reason graduation rates are so low for them. Im sorry you need an explanation of why I had my original opinion and assume I am a jerk for it.

My anectodal evidence as a point to my original comment. I live on my own with my husband. We do not rely on either of our parents as they do not have a good income and they live out of state. In fact, we end up helping them out a lot. So on top of caring for ourselves, we also care for them. Then add to that I have 2 children to care for. I now have to provide for children, survive on my own without assistance from family, help out parents, find time to take care of my home, then fit studying and school into that. So no, I am not a crown ward. Yes I have parents. No, I do not use them to get free living. Yes, I understand foster kids a little.

To make it in this world you cant play the foster kid card. There are plenty of wards who have grown up to do something great because they have dedication. You can be one of them if you want to. You struggles are not any harder than any other struggling group.

For financial advice, file your FAFSA. You will more than likely qualify for both grants and loans. Since you were a previous ward, there are probably even special scholarships aimed at your demographic. You can work part time. You can get a room mate, or two, or three, or whatever.

I do not work. My husband does. He makes enough money for us to scrape by. Without financial aid I wouldn't be in school because I use it to pay for school and daycare expenses while I am in class. I may not be a foster, but my struggles are just as real and not any easier than yours. That was the point. If you just wanted financial advice you only needed to ask. It was the acting like your struggle (very valid stuggle none the less) was somehow a far greater disadvantage then any other disadvantaged group out there. Yes, some people are more entitled and don't give good options, but just because 2 people call you out on how your OP was phrased and what was implied, does not make us jerks or wrong. GL in school and life. Work hard, and you will be just fine.

mrsboots87 · Nov 14, 2013

Also, if your disadvantage is so bad, please elaborate. Having no parents and financial problems is valid, but it is not unique to your situation. Are there other struggles that only a ward could understand. Are these struggles something that prevent you from getting a job or financial aid. Playing the "my life is so hard because of XYZ" doesn't work for me. If you want something, you have to go for it. You cant use a disadvantage in your life to hold yourself back. You have to overcome it and move forward. SOunds like that is what you are trying to do, but your attitude is wrong.

shotcaller28 · Nov 14, 2013

I worked full time in nursing school. I had to. My alcoholic abusive father literally drank himself to death while my mom was out somewhere doing something. To this day I'm still not sure what she does. I was also the primary caregiver to my demented, diabetic, chf grandmother. I moved to a different state after high school and started my own life. That's what people do. They grow up. They do what it takes to take care of themselves and those they love. It's life. Life sucks. Your situation is awful. While I can't sympathize with you, I can empathize. I would never claim to understand a situation I don't know first hand.

Financial advice? Get a job. And no that is not easier said than done. It is easy to find a job. I worked in fast food and supported myself through college until my grandma moved in. It was around the same time I became a CNA. Scholarships are out there. Look for them. Be proactive. Stuff isn't just going to fall in your lap. Nursing school is tough and like me you do not have the option to not work. That only means you have to work harder but on the other hand it means you want it more. You will excel because you have to.

I am not trying to downplay your situation but if you keep the attitude that the world owes you something because you had a crap start you won't get very far. I've never used my childhood as a crutch. I've never brought it up to gain anything from anyone and boy do I have some stories. But guess what? That's my past. That is who I WAS not who I am or will ever be. It's always been a silent motivation. Use your past as a motivation.

shotcaller28 · Nov 14, 2013

And for time management.... I brought my books everywhere. Every break I had I was in them. You have to be dedicated to yourself in order to succeed in nursing school. I allocated at least two hours a day to study. Anything more than that drove me crazy. Short attention span. Sometimes there wasn't a way in the world I would have two consecutive hours so I would split it up. No matter what I got them in.

I can't say enough how much you have to want it I get it. You have to make the decision that you are worth it. Once you believe that you will find yourself making any changes to your lifestyle that you have to in order to reach the ultimate goal.

You're used to fending for yourself, this is not any different.

Guests · Nov 14, 2013

Or do what my foster bro did: join the military, do your time, save your money, get a GI bill and then go to college.

Or, be a victim and hang on as tight as you can to "nobody understands me"

Fawnz · Nov 14, 2013

You have made this whole post about yourself. I made this post in order to connect to other foster kids in order to gain some aspiration and tips that would be specific to foster kids. You and everyone else here are not foster kids. In my original post I already mentioned that non-foster peers of mine cannot relate to this issue, as they are not foster kids themselves. That should have been enough for you to self evaluate how inappropriate your comments or advice would be. However, I did mention that since problems can intersect, financial advice could be beneficial...as long as it doesn't rely on parental support (obviously). I also think that sometimes foster kids can also be better at giving this advice as they would know the specific aids that help foster kids (like ECM) or grants (like Living and Learning), those are two helpful things I would mention to a crown ward if they asked me for advice. This is better advice than "just shoot for the moon"...or saying that "if you just believe you can make it". My attitude isn't wrong, I'm being realistic. I know my disadvantages (reminder this is my life, so despite what you think I do know more about it than you), and I'm trying to find a solution. If you think that is wrong...then it's you who has the wrong attitude, not me.

"It was the acting like your struggle (very valid stuggle none the less) was somehow a far greater disadvantage then any other disadvantaged group out there. "

I never said this, and I don't think I ever even implied it. If you got that impression, I'm don't know what to tell you, except stop reading into an imagined tone and just read what I flat out say. I made this post to reach out to people like me, because people who are not like me don't understand me. And you just perfectly illustrated my point. You came in here, judged me, and tried to give me flat advice. The fact that you think "just try harder" is solid advice just shows how ignorant you are. If it illustrates how hard I tried, I graduated high school when only 44% of my foster kid peers do, and I'm pursuing higher education, when only 2% of my foster kid peers do. Obviously foster kids deal with some unique challenges, otherwise foster kid's statistics would be equal to the general population (spoiler: they aren't). If you are going to be judgmental, I don't really have any reason to post anything about the disadvantages I face. Clearly you are ignorant to them, so it serves no purpose. You will continue to be judgemental, and you will still have no solid advice for me. And honestly you are just contradicting yourself, you criticize me for playing a "my life is so hard" card, but then you ask "if your disadvantages are so hard, please elaborate". I'm not here to be on a soap box and share my problems, I'm looking forsolutions. If you want to hear a foster kid complain about how hard their life is, why don't you kindly **** off, I'm not here for you to rub one out.

And for any foster kid reading this. While I was doing some research I found about the Jim Casey Youth Initiative. It doesn't apply to me, because I'm not American, but it seems rather helpful for those who are. It can help you purchase a car, computer or other asset by matching your savings. And it can teach you some valuable lessons with financial education. You can find out more here.

VampyrSlayer, CNA · Nov 14, 2013

You have made this whole post about yourself. I made this post in order to connect to other foster kids in order to gain some aspiration and tips that would be specific to foster kids. You and everyone else here are not foster kids. In my original post I already mentioned that non-foster peers of mine cannot relate to this issue, as they are not foster kids themselves. That should have been enough for you to self evaluate how inappropriate your comments or advice would be. However, I did mention that since problems can intersect, financial advice could be beneficial...as long as it doesn't rely on parental support (obviously). I also think that sometimes foster kids can also be better at giving this advice as they would know the specific aids that help foster kids (like ECM) or grants (like Living and Learning), those are two helpful things I would mention to a crown ward if they asked me for advice. This is better advice than "just shoot for the moon"...or saying that "if you just believe you can make it". My attitude isn't wrong, I'm being realistic. I know my disadvantages (reminder this is my life, so despite what you think I do know more about it than you), and I'm trying to find a solution. If you think that is wrong...then it's you who has the wrong attitude, not me.
"It was the acting like your struggle (very valid stuggle none the less) was somehow a far greater disadvantage then any other disadvantaged group out there. "
I never said this, and I don't think I ever even implied it. If you got that impression, I'm don't know what to tell you, except stop reading into an imagined tone and just read what I flat out say. I made this post to reach out to people like me, because people who are not like me don't understand me. And you just perfectly illustrated my point. You came in here, judged me, and tried to give me flat advice. The fact that you think "just try harder" is solid advice just shows how ignorant you are. If it illustrates how hard I tried, I graduated high school when only 44% of my foster kid peers do, and I'm pursuing higher education, when only 2% of my foster kid peers do. Obviously foster kids deal with some unique challenges, otherwise foster kid's statistics would be equal to the general population (spoiler: they aren't). If you are going to be judgmental, I don't really have any reason to post anything about the disadvantages I face. Clearly you are ignorant to them, so it serves no purpose. You will continue to be judgemental, and you will still have no solid advice for me. And honestly you are just contradicting yourself, you criticize me for playing a "my life is so hard" card, but then you ask "if your disadvantages are so hard, please elaborate". I'm not here to be on a soap box and share my problems, I'm looking forsolutions. If you want to hear a foster kid complain about how hard their life is, why don't you kindly **** off, I'm not here for you to rub one out.
And for any foster kid reading this. While I was doing some research I found about the Jim Casey Youth Initiative. It doesn't apply to me, because I'm not American, but it seems rather helpful for those who are. It can help you purchase a car, computer or other asset by matching your savings. And it can teach you some valuable lessons with financial education. You can find out more here.

Listen, these people are giving you sound advice. I was adopted, my father is dead, and I can't rely on financial support from my mother. I have played the adoption card. Yes, being adopted or a foster kid is tough, not just physically if you are bounced from house to house, but emotionally. You are probably very independent due to your circumstances and you should use that strength to your advantage. Don't allow yourself to make excuses or get angry at people who aren't giving you " good enough" advice. They are trying to help you and they all have solid suggestions. Fill out your FAFSA, meet with a financial aid counselor at a community college, figure out if you qualify for loans or grants, get a job and start cracking on those prereqs. Teachers won't give you any special treatment for being a foster kid, it's time you stop doing it too.