For StillRN

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

Hey Girl,

You wrote

StillRN said:

I've had this terrible fear of going to meetings and keep coming up with excuses to put off going. Don't ask me why. But I know I have to go SOON!!

I felt the same way - I didn't think of myself as an alcoholic or addict back when I was first go caught(BTW it was Benadryl that brought me down too) but I had to go because it was stipulated if I wanted to keep my license. So I found a ladies meeting at a local church swallowed my pride and stepped through those doors. The minute I did I felt "At home" for the first time in my life. I could discuss these things that I felt with people who totally understood. I had 4 regular meetings that I went to regularly where I spoke and 3 larger Speaker meetings that attended for 5 years. I still go some ten years after finishing the program some ten years ago. When you get serious and stop feeling sorry for yourself and fretting over your cravings and start working the steps with a sponsor your cravings will melt away. If you were in my local area I would offer to sponsor you - but I am hard core (Call me every day - go to a meeting a day - get involved- be of service etc, etc,etc..... the road to wellness is right in front of you but you have to take the first step. There are people on the other side of the road with hands outstretched to pull you in just reach out and grab on.

Hppy

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

Hppy you sound like you're a great sponsor :)

[StillRN]

I'm sorry I never saw this until now!!!! I must have not scrolled down enough. But, thank you for your post. I still haven't gone but I just sent in my contract, so I have no more excuses..I have to go. I do still struggle with the idea of being an addict vs self medicating to control my worsening anxiety due a very hostile abusive work environment (and my plea's for help being ignored by my MD ).

Hppy, you sound like you would be a great sponsor. . But I think I'd fail you miserably. Since I got sick, I have mostly gone back into isolation/ostrich mode.

Who knew benadryl could be such a trouble maker?!

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I'm sorry I never saw this until now!!!! I must have not scrolled down enough. But, thank you for your post. I still haven't gone but I just sent in my contract, so I have no more excuses..I have to go. I do still struggle with the idea of being an addict vs self medicating to control my worsening anxiety due a very hostile abusive work environment (and my plea's for help being ignored by my MD ).

Hppy, you sound like you would be a great sponsor. . But I think I'd fail you miserably. Since I got sick, I have mostly gone back into isolation/ostrich mode.

Who knew benadryl could be such a trouble maker?!

\

Self medicating is by definition what addicts and alcoholics do! My sponsor used to laugh when I would call myself an Alcoholic/Addict. He said that was like a canine calling itself a dog/German Shepherd.

First of all stop being so hard on yourself - You are in extremely good company here - addicts and alcoholics are not bad people - they are sick people who need to get well. You have a new family now! The family in the rooms of NA/AA who will totally understand you. It's going to take those who are closest to you as if family to come to terms with this and in the meantime you need a support system to lean on.