I remember looking around the room during orientation before the nursing program started. There we were, the chosen 60. We were told that this year the school had over 800 applicants and only 120 were accepted (the other 60 were at another campus). So automatically I assumed most, if not all, were almost straight "A" students, as the average GPA was 3.8 to enter the program.
As the year went on and the classes got harder, keeping up my GPA also got harder. There also seemed to be an unspoken competition about grades, and therefore I found myself keeping my B's, and my *gasp* C's to myself. This my friend, is when the first ounce of self-doubt crept into my mind.
Consequently, my self-esteem went down too. I felt like I had nothing to make me stand out, not my performance in class, not my grades, nada. Heck, I was sure some of the professors didn't even know my name.
Then came clinicals - and boy, they sure came with a fury.
Call lights, bed rails, bed pans, Foley bags, med passes, a unfamiliar supply closet, IV machines, and dose darn bedside tables (why do they have to be different at every clinical?!) Oh and to top it off many, many, uncomfortable "firsts" (and hoping the patient didn't ask if this was your first time!).
And I hated it.
It was then that I started to consider that nursing wasn't for me. Why wasn't I comfortable with simple things like dumping out the Foley bag or simply toileting a patient? How was I supposed to be a nurse if patient contact made me uneasy?
Every new skill, and every rotation seemed to rub in the fact that I was not made for the nursing world. But I didn't quit, and my first year came and went.
As year two started, I realized that I had retained more information than I thought. I could actually answer questions I was being asked. It was like magical nursing osmosis. I couldn't believe it! I did know a thing or two. Not only had my database of information and skills increased, but so did my self-confidence.
I started to accept that I was a B student (and that C's get degrees! *wink*), and became comfortable with my classmates' achievements. This, along with the strength and support from my close-knit friends in school, fueled me to finish.
Years have passed and I'm still not a bedside nurse, nor do I think I will ever be one. I enjoy more slow passed, one-on-one work and that's okay! (I work as a school nurse/home health nurse).
Now, enough about me, let's talk about you. If you clicked on this article, then most likely you are either questioning, or have questioned if you are cut out to be a nurse. Listen (or read I guess) carefully, you chose to be a nurse for a reason. Don't let situational low self-esteem get in the way of your goal. You already have the great accomplishment of getting into nursing school, now finish it. Once you are a nurse, the world if yours. There are so many different specialties in nursing that at least one will fit you.
In the meantime, stop comparing yourself to that nursing student who is so confident they call themselves the nurse when going into a patient's room (true story!). Also, remember it's okay to stumble, cry, vent, dislike a rotation or two, get a few C's, eat your feelings in ice cream, run solely on caffeine, and...did I mention run solely on caffeine?
Bottom line is that if you want to finish, you will finish and in a few years this will be your story too.
