need advice badly please help

[RN0707]

I have been a nurse for 3 months in medsurg and I dread going to work the past few weeks! My chest feels heavy and I feel deflated all the time! I am usually a happy out going person and I feel like I am loosing myself UGH!

I went into nursing b/c I wanted to give back all the caring and kindness I was given many years ago. I never ever thought I would be a nurse but after spending so much time in the hospital and caring for my loved one 10 yrs later I just decided I was going back to school to be a nurse!

Well anyhow I got on the computer now to ask others how do they know where they belong??? I knew I did not want to do med surg but then I was told over and over to do 1 yr by many people and my last rotation was at the hospital I work at now! its a medsurg floor and they asked me to apply way before I took my nclex I was so flattered b/c I was they only one who was asked in my class and I thought I would like it there. The nurse manger raved about how I treated my pts and family and what a great nurse I would be

And now I am doubting if I want to be a nurse at all:cry:

I am told I spend too much time with my pts by other nurses and my preceptor! The pt load is huge and it's so much more impersonal then I expected! It's like get in and out of the rooms work your butt of 12 hours stay late to finish and leave feeling like you didn't get to be the nurse you really wanted to be!

I know there is a shortage everywhere but there has to be an area with smaller pt loads. I mean I know there are... but will I always feel shorted no matter where I go b/c the nurse pt ratio will be high for all areas even very specialized ones???

When I graduated I was so excited and felt it was a privilege to help others I feel that caring for a life of another is a great responsibility and I was deeply motivated to be the best nurse I could possibly be! Now I am questiong if I even want to be a nurse! I want to move but I am afraid I might hate somewhere!

my heart has always bee in peds or phych but after dealing with sundowners and getting spit at and called names I am questioning phych!I want to work with depression anxiety panic etc but it is all mixed together!

PEDS is so close to my heart b/c I am a mother of a sick child! I have thought about NICU step down or Level 2 NICU. I am not ready for level 3 my son was there 3 months and I don't want to deal with that high of acuity using echmo etc.! there is an opening in the hospital where he was and it is in the top 3 of the nation it would be such an honor to say you are part of such a team ...but then I am afraid I may not feel well or get sick to my stomach being in the same place he almost died on more then 1 floor over the years! But then I think maybe it would help me heal I wish I knew!!!!!!

I did well with my 5 week clinicals there until I broke down and cryed to my instructed b/c I saw nurses talking about pts and families poorlyI think I held the hospital in such High regard that it hit me hard to see such actions!Plus lack of sleep etc etc etc I loved there medsurg floor but I am afraid it would turn out the same as the adult!I think the only floor he hasnt been onis the cadriac and the hemot floor but hemot is where those nasty nurses were and I would never work along side such people!

During my roation there my son ended up an in pt and his pulmonologist found out I was in nursing school and came in and said " you never told me you were in nursing school you are gonna come work with us right??" that was flattering too but I am also afraid to work along side his many specialist I have known for 13 yrs I have heard the pulm who I love treats nurses poorly!it may just be the nurse just doing

what he asks or maybe he has a GOD complex wit the nurses????

I did my l&D somewhere else in a huge inner city hospital and loved it even got to be invovled in a code pink! Helped a mother who was all alone during lbaor and delivery of her 25 weeker tok her to NICU and was able to expalin on a nurse and mom level I think that was the most rewarding school expericnce! The pt even said "God sent you to me I know he did! Talk about a good feeling leaving the floor!!!!!

I have thought about mother baby or L&D but that's a hard area to get into as a new grad! I did interview for nursery at a community hospital the other day on an OB floor but the way they acted trying to squeeze as many nurses out as they could.I wonder if it was all about money not pts. I hate that! One thing for sure is I dont think they should of had me in the office while 4 of them were discussing the next shift I dont know if I am sensitive or what... but it just felt like the bottom line was to keep the least amountof nurses on the floor as possible! I thought it would be different in area like this... Is every where like that???

I am hoping maybe there is someone out there that can tell me how they followed there heart and found where they belong I need to figure that out so badly right now b/c it is effecting my life so much!!!! I guess I don't want to make a change and feel the same way in 3 months

[Mulan]

A strike- a silent strike- you're so right.

yeah, but what good is that doing for nursing or nurses, nothing

there is nothing one person can do but that

nurses need to unite, all across the country, stand together and together can make needed change

how can a hospital function without nurses?

but that will never happen, never, never, never

nurses don't stick together, they don't have each others back, don't agree on the same things, some like to play the angel/martyr (somebody has to take care of the patients)

and administration uses all of that to their advantage

[AMOEBA]

It is hard when you first get a nursing job and you feel like giving up. It is good experience that you are getting on that ward you're in. Give it at least 6 months to a year to see if you feel any better. If you dont apply for somewhere else. Your sanity and happiness is more important. And you will find something else if you're still unhappy where you are. But it's only natural what you are feeling just now. Give it another wee while and see how you feel. Try not to stress about it. You'll find your niche and everything will sort itself out, it always does! x

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

No advice, hon, just a great, big hug.

[RN0707]

I became a nurse because I want to make a difference. Nobody likes to be at the hospital but if I could be there to showed I cared and was able to make the time to listen to their story:( My preceptor had a little talk with me about how i am not a student anymore and I can't be spending as much time in my patients rooms as I have been. I had two patients in the same room and the first patient I handed meds out to was new. I explained all her meds she was talking and answered her concerns. The next patient I had had so many meds. Both were pretty needed of my time but that's what I am there for. To make them as comfortable as i can....right!!!

Maybe we are right and if we stick to it and make some noise about the nurse pt ratio things can be changed in the future. Look at CA dont they have 4:1 or something like that? I refuse to let people that do not have there heart in nursing anymore make me hate it! I was feeling so down and lost... thinking maybe I made a mistake.....I dont want to be a nurse anymore!!!! But there are those of us out there new or not that do care and are not hard and dont care only about time. I do my med passes the same way you described and I have learned to get faster at it Your right I think it all comes in time!I was so proud to graduate and become a nurse. Then I was starting to feel so defeated NOT anymore wherever I work I am going to put in 100% if others dont like it I feel sorry for them and their pts! where there is a will there is a way! GOD knows I have been through Hell and back through out my life and I not about to let someone take away my dream to give back and help others! I am not some young stupid idealistic nurse I know things can and do change but people have to get together to make the change! I am so glad to be off orientation my attitude is so much more postive even though I got screwed with the holiday schedule but thats what happens when your the low man. I will work my way up! we all have to pay our dues Just remember where we are at now never forgetting to help those that come after us!!!!!!