Yes I know... Just let it go. But after school is over - long 8 hour days and your main worry should be about books and studying I have one extra load. Dreading the next day of school.
Why did I think fellow nursing students would be better than average everyday people? They are not, in fact probally worse, yes I'am fat not a "little" fat, I weigh 300 pounds. I'am treated with disgust by the other students and the 2 teachers. When classes first started this quarter and this is my first quarter of nursing classes, no one would sit by me, it was really embarassing. I've made "friends" in all my prereq classes no problem and those classrooms were one fourth the size of this room. About a week and a half went by and I decided to seek out somebody to sit by, just having a conversation with a few of the people in the room. I now sit with a group of 3 girls that seem to include me fairly well, but not at first. I felt the usual "fat" person disease routine but after several days of acting like a human, they decided I must be... human that is.
Today something happened that has been bothering me, I really don't look for problems and usually brush off the rudest of comments, but one of my teachers is always talking to me in a demeanor way. And it not just her way of talking, I watch how she talks to others and she doesn't act that way. She encourages us to ask questions or add anything we would like to lecture at any time, for the first time I did today... not really trusting her because of the way she is with me. After I said my little story she made a comment "Now that was hardly wasting our time about." People share everything and anything and she has never said that to anybody else. I'am so use to it that I don't have a tear to shed for my own raw emotion to protect my insides anymore. I've been beaten down so bad that there isn't too many words or statements that could get me. But I have to admit sitting here tonight trying to do some reading for class, I'am not enthused as usual, she did kick me down a bit. A nursing teacher, somebody that I'am trying so hard to respect for her insight and knowledge rip out some of them feelings all overweight people feel when judged so harshly. Yes I could go on a diet, I did not get fat by overeating, I was sick for a period of 2 years and bedridden, few pounds already on a few more here and there, I've had a hard time getting well. Now I am healthy, except for the weight and I almost died but I survived the odds.
Why can't they see a person inside of me?:angryfire:madface:
:angryfire:madface: