Families from Hell

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I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

I just hate that 'phone. It rings constantly and how am I supposed to do my job if I am always answering the phone!!

Oh, I am so glad you brought that up. The nurse manager got on our case the other night about not answering the phone for a patient. He said that a family member had called and complained because their HOH father couldn't hear the phone ring. They wanted to know why the nurses cannot just go down and answer his phone for him.

We explained that while we are rounding or in the med room, we cannot hear phones ringing. I thought we came to work to actually take care of patients, not operate the switchboard. Well, he said that we should do it because it's things like this that makes a difference. Oh, I guess getting the patient's medicine to them on time doesn't matter as long as the Press-Gainey is good. Oh, just forget about seeing the patients, just answer the phone. I asked him was he serious? He looked at me like I was crazy and just left.

See, a huge part of family behaving unacceptably is because management caters to them and doesn't educate them on their loved ones purpose for being at the hospital. We are not there to provide room service and we don't deserve to be treated like crap, either.

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Specializes in GI and Telemetry.
My favorite are the families that stay over-night and complain in the morning that they didn't get any sleep because the RN went in ~midnight to do vitals and assesment, I peeked in at 2 for our "clinical rounding," at 4 to do vitals, and at 6 to do weight/i+o's and blood sugar. (our trays come at 6:50!!!)

I just want to ask them which is more important: their sleep, or that their loved one receives good medical care?

Where on earth do they think they are?

I worked on a tele unit and had a patient who had two daughters that stayed w/mom the entire time she was on our unit. We figured out fairly quickly that this was a case of 'kid-guilt', since according to another sibling, these two had had nothing to do with mom or her health for years. One had a notebook with her, and she'd record every.single.vital. One time the NA was taking her temp, and told me the temp in Celsius, to which the daughter said, in a very demanding tone "interpret". The NA and I looked at each other, and I said, "she's fine, her temp is normal". Then I walked out of the room. I just wouldn't put up with that BS demanding behavior.

The kicker was when mom had a blood transfusion, and due to the fact the the daughters kept piling blankets on mom, her temp went up a bit, but nothing to think she was having a reaction. They starting literally screaming "She's Dying! Get the doctor". The other patient in the room rolled their eyes at me and said "Either they go or I'm going to call the DoM and get them kicked out!". I asked them both to calm down, since they were disturbing both their mom and the other patient. You'd have thought I had a horn growing out of my head. Somehow we got them off the unit to the cafeteria, stopped the transfusion and lo and behold, mom was fine, since once we removed the extra blankets, her temp went back to normal. These women thought they and their mom were the only people on the unit, and really made me rethink if I wanted to stay on the unit as a hospital nurse. Where did they think there were, the Hilton?:angryfire

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Specializes in GI and Telemetry.
Oh, I am so glad you brought that up. The nurse manager got on our case the other night about not answering the phone for a patient. He said that a family member had called and complained because their HOH father couldn't hear the phone ring. They wanted to know why the nurses cannot just go down and answer his phone for him.

We explained that while we are rounding or in the med room, we cannot hear phones ringing. I thought we came to work to actually take care of patients, not operate the switchboard. Well, he said that we should do it because it's things like this that makes a difference. Oh, I guess getting the patient's medicine to them on time doesn't matter as long as the Press-Gainey is good. Oh, just forget about seeing the patients, just answer the phone. I asked him was he serious? He looked at me like I was crazy and just left.

See, a huge part of family behaving unacceptably is because management caters to them and doesn't educate them on their loved ones purpose for being at the hospital. We are not there to provide room service and we don't deserve to be treated like crap, either.

Press-Gainey is a joke.

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Specializes in GI and Telemetry.
Oooo. I hate when families answer for the patient (comments are fine, but you know what I mean). When that happens, I look directly at the patient and talk to them. I know it ticks off the family, but frankly I don't care.

I've noticed that the older a couple is, in many instances the wife answers for the husband, even if he's A&Ox3 and fully able to speak for himself! What is the deal with this behavior?

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I agree that it is completely inappropriate and rude for people to badger, overly question, or talk down to their nurse. Why be mean to someone who takes care of you?? I also understand that there are bad nurses out there, but for the most part, those are few and far between. Whatever happened to the days when the nurses received respect? Patients and families did what they were asked by the nurse because they had respect for her, her knowledge, and her profession. Did those days ever really exist, or are the older nurses just pulling my leg?

LoveCharts: Sadly, I don't think many people get respect these days. Look at how politicians try to dig up the dirt on each other. Maybe patients and their families are thinking ahead - they don't want to be too friendly just in case they can think of a reason to sue. Am I becoming just an old grouch, or is society going down the toilet? I can't believe the things I see on tv. I think nurses used to get respect when we had a civil culture.

Diahni

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I worked on a tele unit and had a patient who had two daughters that stayed w/mom the entire time she was on our unit. We figured out fairly quickly that this was a case of 'kid-guilt', since according to another sibling, these two had had nothing to do with mom or her health for years. One had a notebook with her, and she'd record every.single.vital. One time the NA was taking her temp, and told me the temp in Celsius, to which the daughter said, in a very demanding tone "interpret". The NA and I looked at each other, and I said, "she's fine, her temp is normal". Then I walked out of the room. I just wouldn't put up with that BS demanding behavior.

The kicker was when mom had a blood transfusion, and due to the fact the the daughters kept piling blankets on mom, her temp went up a bit, but nothing to think she was having a reaction. They starting literally screaming "She's Dying! Get the doctor". The other patient in the room rolled their eyes at me and said "Either they go or I'm going to call the DoM and get them kicked out!". I asked them both to calm down, since they were disturbing both their mom and the other patient. You'd have thought I had a horn growing out of my head. Somehow we got them off the unit to the cafeteria, stopped the transfusion and lo and behold, mom was fine, since once we removed the extra blankets, her temp went back to normal. These women thought they and their mom were the only people on the unit, and really made me rethink if I wanted to stay on the unit as a hospital nurse. Where did they think there were, the Hilton?:angryfire

Good story! Sounds like a sitcom. Does your hospital have a psych ward? Maybe the daughters could get some services.

Diahni

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Specializes in GI and Telemetry.

I only wish they had a psych unit - sadly they don't. I no longer work there, and don't miss this aspect of nursing at all!

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Specializes in Recovery (PACU)-11 yrs, General-13yrs.
I've noticed that the older a couple is, in many instances the wife answers for the husband, even if he's A&Ox3 and fully able to speak for himself! What is the deal with this behavior?

Because they don't speak for themselves! My father always says he's fine when the doctor asks, so if Mum's not with him then at least half the relevant information isn't provided (history of AAA repair, renal failure, now on dialysis, bowel cancer-hemicolectomy, pnuemonia, so no, he's not fine when he goes to see the doctor, just infuriatingly polite!!! And then there's my husband, who I feel like giving a written script to take with him, as he too leaves out half the information, but he's a grown up so i say stuff it.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i agree that it is completely inappropriate and rude for people to badger, overly question, or talk down to their nurse. why be mean to someone who takes care of you?? i also understand that there are bad nurses out there, but for the most part, those are few and far between. whatever happened to the days when the nurses received respect? patients and families did what they were asked by the nurse because they had respect for her, her knowledge, and her profession. did those days ever really exist, or are the older nurses just pulling my leg?

i've been a nurse longer than you've been alive, and i can tell you that those days were over long ago. but they really did exist! honest they did! i wouldn't have lasted this long if they hadn't!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i've noticed that the older a couple is, in many instances the wife answers for the husband, even if he's a&ox3 and fully able to speak for himself! what is the deal with this behavior?

it's the same thing as the idea that the car is the husband's area of expertise. my mother might drive the car every single day while my dad drives it to church on sunday, but when the pair of them take it to the mechanic (mom driving the car and dad driving the truck behind her so he can take her home when they leave the car) it's dad who describes the problem. the mechanic won't even look at mom! healthcare seems to be the woman's area.

me, i take my own car to the mechanic and dh waits outside to take me home!

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Specializes in Orthopedics.

I swear, Pbelle, that story sounds like the family that I'm dealing with. I wonder if we work in the same hospital. ;)

Where did they think there were, the Hilton?:angryfire
That's our favorite phrase..."Do they know that they're in Hospital not the Hilton?"
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Specializes in med-surg, OB, Psych, D&A Rehab, Hospice.

For my money, the abusive family is not the worst of it. The worst is when you do your best to give the best nursing care you can and then the family talks to your boss because you did not smile enough and the already crazy family sees that as "having a bad attitude". Of course this all happens duing one of the days from the dark side of the universe is happening.

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