Foreign Objects in Body Cavities

Specialties Emergency

Published

This is how they present in triage. You note that they appear anxious, possibly in a bit of pain, sometimes they are very matter of fact. We've all seen em. Retained foreign object in various body cavities. Kids with beans up their noses, beads in their ear canal, men with various household products in their rectum, women with various toys gone horribly bad.

With the adults you try really hard to look concerned and serious. This is a delicate subject and boy do they watch your face for even the slightest hint of a laugh. Now I'm not talking about assaults, that can be awful. I'm talking of grown adults that really should know better. A spray can just does not belong up ones bum.

How do you handle this? How do you write the complaint on the chart? Do you send the object to pathology as you would any other material? What do you put in the discharge instructions?

We had a boy that put a birthday candle in his member to see how far he could pee it out. The birthday boy spent the day in the OR

How old was his member? (just a joke)

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.
Regarding vibrators and other sex toys inserted rectally that end up in the colon---I always consider that a teaching opportunity, or at least a referral opportunity.

I worked in San Francisco, and I will never forget seeing a very, very scared young man being readied for surgery to remove a vibrator from his colon. He asked the surgeon, actually; he asked the very pompous surgical RESIDENT, very earnestly, "Can you tell me what to do to avoid this happening again?"

Rather than taking a moment to draw an anatomical diagram or to explain how and why the problem occurred, the resident very condescendingly replied, "Yeah. Don't stick vibrators up your a**."

I was appalled, and later told him how inappropriate he was; he admitted it. I told the patient about a very sophisticated San Francisco sex toys store called Good Vibrations, which actually offers mini-classes on the SAFE use of sex toys, and suggested he sit in on one of these classes before "next time." There must be such sophisticated sex toy stores in every major city that offer a similar service, and even in some smaller communities. I know there is a similar store here in Portland. Next time I take an operating room assignement in san Francisco, I intend to sit in on one of those Good Vibrations classes myself, so that I can feel comfortable teaching.

All that said, I remember many years ago being called in early Christmas morning to remove a foreign body that had been inserted that the ER staff couldn't get out safely. They didn't elaborate on what it was. We were going to start with an anoscopy under anesthesia. The surgeon was grouching about how he didn't even get to tell his wife and kids "Merry Christmas," and he was sure they were going to open presents without him.

We got the guy in the "jackknife" position, inserted a lighted anoscope, and all gather 'round for a look-see. There, big as life, was a red GLASS Christmas tree ornament that said in glitter "Merry Christmas!" We all cracked up, and the anesthesiologist snorted and said to the surgeon, "THERE'S your Merry Christmas, a**hole!" :uhoh3:

Then, one time I remember taking a supersize cucumber out of a guy's colon. The elderly, grouchy circulator (all of 48; younger than I am now!!) said, "Whaddaya want me to do with this thing? Put it in formalin or VINEGAR?" :rotfl:

OH! Then there was the sweet, elderly gentleman who got his member stuck in a vacuum cleaner hose--this was 30 years ago, when hoses were metal. Ouch! We all fondly (not to his face!) referred to him as "Mr. Hoover."

Good Vibrations Classes 101

I can hear the Beach boys singing in the background

Im picking up Good vibrations

they are giving me the excitations

etc

I never looked at that song that way before

spoils my whole image of the Beach Boys

Discharge Instrucions: Refrain From Placing Cucumbers And Beerbottles In Any Oriface Above Waist

Last time I did an assessment, the orifice and lady parts were BELOW the waist. Has something changed, LOL?!

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.
Hmmmmmm the lamp or the squash........ I guess the lamp was a bright idea :idea:

Yes, but squash is a good source of fiber.... :rotfl:

We had a guy come in with a vibrator of some kind up his rectum, beyond the, uh, point of manual retrieval. When we called the GI doctor, he asked,"So does he want me to take it out or change the batteries?"

So where did you find a GI doc with a sense of humor!??!

:rotfl:

Had a pt one time who inserted a 6 inch jigsaw blade in his member.

Well..at least he was trying thin out the gene pool!

Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but how do these objects actually get into the shower/tub? A hotdog? A lamp? WTF! And even if you are NOT in the tub, then we have a whole lot of people running around their homes with very slippery floors. Do I even want to go there? I think not.

The whole animal thing is just wrong! LOL! Where are those animal rights people when you need them? Hippa schmippa...I think their names should go in the local paper, at least warn people to keep their dogs on a leash. :uhoh3: ;) j/k

Not only are there people running around in homes with strange objects "milling about" their bathtubs...but they are running all around thier houses naked...how else would those sill FBs find their way IN those orifices???!!??

:rotfl:

When dogs mate, the male's member swells and they remain in an embrace called 'the Tie.' In larger dogs, this time has to be carefully supervised, because the male might endure an injury if they start hopping around or the ***** wants to get away and starts a fight. It seems to me that dogs do OK on their own, but this is what my dog-owner's manual said.

We had an incident about 15 years ago when a well-known professor had an amorous adventure with her Great Dane. During the 'tie' phase, the dog got violent and started biting her, so they were brought to the ER in tandem. Unfortunately, the animal had to be destroyed. IMHO, they should have destroyed the professor. Poor doggie.

It was supposed to be very hush-hush (long before HEPPA) but the news got out anyway and spread like wildfire. When she'd try to give a lecture, naughty students would hide in the bushes outside her lecture hall windowand bay. :rotfl:

Ah, the pleasures of living in a college town!

Lefty :)

Just gotta ask...

Exactly what did this professor teach?!!?

Sorry about the multiple replies but I've been out of touch for awhile...just got back online...

Man...how much I've missed!!!!!

So here are my stories...

20-something male:

Comes in with c/o Pain in orifice...yea, no kidding!

Goes to xray...

FB found in rectum (NOOOOO?????)

Too high up for removal in ER (Thank God!)

Has to go to surgery...sorry OR friends!

His response...is that where it went?!!?

So he's in surgery to remove the ketchup bottle he lost...

(Cooking in the nude?!!?)

All of a sudden there is a great deal of comotion...he's bleeding out...

Oh no...that would be the bottle breaking!!!

Anyone with a burger handy?!!?

Again, 20-something male:

No FB but DOES have MULTIPLE rings on his member...

Thought if one is good many are better!!!

Til you loose circulation to the organ...did ya want to keep that?????

Let me tell you...titanium...one tough metal.

Don't go there!

Just gotta ask...

Exactly what did this professor teach?!!?

Was it "Human Sexuality?" :uhoh3: :chuckle

Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
Was it "Human Sexuality?" :uhoh3: :chuckle

And if so, could it be considered workman's comp? ;)

Specializes in M/S, OB, Pedi, HH, util review.

I'm ROTFL!!! These are hysterical! Sadly, they're true, too. I'm glad there's idiots like these out there to give us all job security! LOL Goodness, you've all made my night, and I REALLY needed those laughs right now. Thanks.

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