Early Toilet Training Is Best

Indy, LPN, LVN · Jan 29, 2006

Okay. First off I think, commuter, that you're being a bit of a troll by opening this thread. I think it's in response to another thread that was closed.

Second, I realize I shouldn't feed the trolls. Here I go!

I toilet trained four people. Two were my little brother and sister. My little sister did fine with the help of some M&M's and it took her a summer to train to go pee by herself, another year or two to get good at wiping her butt efficiently so that she didn't leave skid marks.

My little brother was a bit more difficult 'cause he wouldn't stay still anywhere after turning 9 months old. He began to crawl, then to run shortly thereafter, skipping the walking phase prettymuch altogether. He would run away when I'd take a diaper off and so it was exhausting to try to change him. I began to change him in the bathroom and shutting the door. Then when he got the idea that he couldn't go anywhere, I'd remove the diaper before he had gone and put him up to the potty. Fortunately, he thought this was amazing and kept doing it. Pooping in the potty was just as fascinating for him so he had no problems getting that routine down by age 2.

So I thought I knew everything. Then I had my kids, 11 years later. My oldest daughter was gradually trained by age two, with some regression behavior in the poop department, but only for her daddy. She figured out it made his face turn red when she pooped, pulled her pants down and swished her butt up against the side of the tub. So... it took him a little time to get her to not do that. Time, and handing her a washrag and having her clean it up. Of course, she was four when she did this, so she was perfectly able to understand and the phase didn't last too long.

My girls were 12 and 1/2 months apart. So ideally by the time the oldest finished her regression phase at age 4, the youngest would at least have the peepee part down pat, right? No. No interest whatsoever, and apparently no comprehension of what on earth was going on either. So after 1 and 1/2 years of trying to get this otherwise compliant and delightful child to go potty on her own, I began consulting pediatricians. We then proceeded over the next two years to obtain a diagnosis of her actual problem, autism, and to try every trick in the book and a few that aren't, to get her to go to the bathroom.

We consulted the specialists at some school for autism at Emory University. They said, lock her favorite toy under the bathroom counter and give it to her when she uses the potty. Oh yeah? My darling 3 year old dismantled the cabinet lock and hid her toy so well I couldn't find it for 3 months. She began going to the potty on her own, to pee, a month before she turned 5. Teaching her to poop in the potty took another 5 years, mostly due to diet and bowel problems that seem to be fairly common in autistic kids. THAT saga I won't share because it would take too much time.

During those first 3 years I heard many, many "helpful" comments by people who thought I must either not know how to potty train kids, or that I must be a lazy, easily manipulated mother, or whatever it was they would think. It's apparently easy to tell someone else how to be a parent. What is NOT easy, is doing it yourself.

Potty training is one of the most stressful jobs a mother can have when it comes to her kids. You're dealing with many, many issues - not all of which are within a parent's control- and it can test your sanity severely. Having a child who doesn't conform to the "norm" in any way can make a parent feel like a failure, and in many cases, that is not so.

I don't appreciate the fact that this thread is even here. The mother who posted (what, was it yesterday... not sure, it was very recent) needed actual help and ideas from people whose kids have had problems in this sensitive area. It's not easy to ask the public for help with something like potty training your child. She did, and wow. Anyhow I think that the OP here should really take a step back and realize that we're all people here, and nobody knows everything, particularly about such a complex subject.

Home Health Columnist / Guide · Jan 29, 2006

With such sage advice from experienced mothers along with great info links, closing thread.