Do nurses eat their young?

_kelly_rn · Feb 28, 2015

Not a complete newbie but will just be entering the workforce again after a while... First of all, thanks for the posters here. You made me realize that although there really are some nasty nurses out there (I have experienced some real NETY in the past), I can really use growing some thick skin in this industry. After all, we are dealing with pretty tough situations on a daily basis working as nurses so some "bullying" from petty co-workers should not bother us.

I realize I should learn how to differentiate tough love from actual, true blue NETY, bullying, lateral violence; and to change some of my less attractive qualities (at least in the workplace) --- being too eager, too friendly, vulnerable, too open--- NAIVETE in general.

Here's my question, though, I have always been sensitive even as a child. Are there some practical things that I can do to practice being tough, less prone to being a bullying target?

OCNRN63, RN · Mar 1, 2015

We see that quite a lot on this board even. "How should I report my preceptor for not wearing gloves when she brushed a patient's hair?" Not "should it be reported?" or "Is it OK to touch a patient without gloves despite what my clinical instructor told me?" but "It MUST be reported, and how do I do it?" Or my personal favorite: "My preceptor didn't drop what she was doing to greet me when I walked onto the unit this morning! She hates me! She's a bully and she hates me!"
After a few rounds of that, the preceptor wants nothing more to do with the orientee, but is trapped in the mentoring position until the orientee is off orientation. That betrayal turns a would be mentor into a future colleague who will avoid the present orientee like the plague. If the orientee burns enough mentors, I can see where they feel unsupported. I can also see why no one wants to support them more than once.
I've been fortunate enough to have had great orientees through the years, some of whom I am quite proud. It seems like I always end up with the hardest working, brightest orientees. Almost always. Except for once or twice. And those one or two . . . . lets just say I understand how mentors can feel betrayed, sometimes. Luckily there are enough great orientees who follow the one or two that I haven't been embittered or stone faced.

I remember that one. "My preceptor is respectful and helpful, but she doesn't engage in social chatter with me. She's a bully! This is horizontal violence!" What really got me was this individual was a nursing student, not even a new hire, yet she expected this nurse to share personal information about herself with her.

OCNRN63, RN · Mar 1, 2015

Not a complete newbie but will just be entering the workforce again after a while... First of all, thanks for the posters here. You made me realize that although there really are some nasty nurses out there (I have experienced some real NETY in the past), I can really use growing some thick skin in this industry. After all, we are dealing with pretty tough situations on a daily basis working as nurses so some "bullying" from petty co-workers should not bother us.
I realize I should learn how to differentiate tough love from actual, true blue NETY, bullying, lateral violence; and to change some of my less attractive qualities (at least in the workplace) --- being too eager, too friendly, vulnerable, too open--- NAIVETE in general.
Here's my question, though, I have always been sensitive even as a child. Are there some practical things that I can do to practice being tough, less prone to being a bullying target?

Start by not assuming you will be the target of bullying. If you go in expecting to be treated negatively, you will most likely have a self-fulfilling prophecy.

enkwanta · Mar 3, 2015

I am working on IRB approval right now so I can move on to data collection. It is such a tedious process. I anticipate finishing by the end of this year. At this time I cannot give a specific date when my thesis will be publish. Thank you for responding.

Jenn W · Oct 28, 2023

My thing is sometimes management are the bullies themselves so they stand by and allow it to happen and do nothing about it. Cause I spoke up for myself, went up the chain, even the Chief Nurse officer was an awful hateful person who I went to speak to and she yelled in my face!? It was miserable and I felt outnumbered and no one had my back at all! I just had to keep telling myself "I did nothing wrong"!!

allnurses Guide · Oct 30, 2023

Pumpkinn said:

Thank you guys! Yes it's true perhaps it is no different than working anywhere else. I am open to criticisms as they allow me to grow as a person. So things like that, I would not be upset over. It's just what I've heard LOL, I too don't like the term "eating their young". Bullying is a much more profound and valid way to describe this occurrence. I guess like other posters mentioned, it varies between people and workplaces. I love this site! I just hope when I'm new (sorry I know not all new nurses are young, I'm not young myself either) I will find a mentor (someone I can look up too and learn from). And if his mentor has criticism to bring I will accept them with open arms! I want to be a good nurse for my patients, as they come before my "feelings". Thank you guys for your input!!

I have no problem acting as a mentor but where I work new hire nurses get 8 weeks of orientation across the whole facility then they immediately become charge nurses and float to whichever unit needs them the most so I might not see someone I oriented for several weeks. I do tell them to call me if they get hung up on something.

Hppygr8ful