Did I over react??

[donegal1]

First off just want to say hi to everyone Im new to this site. Just need a little advise about something that happened today that is really bothering me. Im a first year 2nd semester nursing student doing an OB rotation. I was at clinicals today and a mother delivered a 34 week old baby that unfortunately demised. The delivery was around 5am in the morning and the parents requested that the baby be kept in the nursery because there was family coming that would like to see the baby. The nursery is only used for blood draws, hearing test & so patients are not able to go in or even see in for that matter.

This was my first time seeing a demised baby and it really upset me. I know that this is part of life an all but it hurt anyway.

So heres the issue. A nurse came on shift around 7pm From the minute she got on the floor she was complaining about one thing or another. She went into the nursery and the first thing she did was ask why is this still here ( referring to the baby) another nurse responded that the family had asked for us to keep him in the nursery because family is coming by to see him. The first nurse said well why cant she keep IT in her room. It shouldn't be here IT should be in the morgue. Again this baby was not taking up needed room he did not have an infectious disease he was just unfortunate.

I let my mouth get the better of me and asked this nurse why was this such a big deal?? She replied because IT shouldn't be here IT should be in the morgue we can get IT whenever the mother asks for IT.

Of course this nurse was not very pleased and quite frankly I didn't care. As I was driving home I started to question myself about why I wanted to be a nurse. I don't know that I will be able to work along side of some one with an attitude like this. And unfortunately this is my 4th clinical rotation and there seems to be a nurse like this at every one.

Did I over react?? Is this just something as an experienced nurse that I will learn to handle? It wasn't the just the death of the baby that upset me it got me more when the nurse was referring to this baby as an IT like IT was a parasite or something.

[SmilingBluEyes]

The insensitivity of that nurse is glaring. You did not over-react in how you felt. But be careful how your reactions play out before people like that. And remember this: You will have to guard against just such burnout yourself as a nurse. It's easy to slip into it, if one is not careful. Just be professional when pointing this out to others. Sometimes, I think we all can use a reminder about being very sensitive in situations like this. We deal with this all-too-often. The parents, however are devastated. Also, understand, some nurses are VERY uncomfortable with stillborn situations. I know I work with a few will almost beg to be able to "pass off" their stillbirth cases to other nurses. They just don't cope well.

Fortunately, I cope fairly well and have a good feel for how this affects the families losing these babies. I have plenty of loss experience to draw on. But for the first two years after my last loss, I did not cope well and had coworkers covering me for these cases. It was just too personal and close to home for me----way too painful. We all react differently. Maybe that nurse has a history that you don't know about...never know unless she shares it with you. Either way, she had no business saying what she did, for sure.

And for the record, our parents can have their babies for visitation anytime they are with us. And we WILL keep the stillborn babies in our nursery (out of the sight of other parents/families) at the parents' requests. If they are done, we take the babies down to the morgue and keep them on hospital campus until the parents are discharged home or request they go to the funeral home.

I am sorry you were witness to this. Unfortunately, I can't lie to you; there is a lot of callousness out there. I have been privvy to it myself as a patient and it hurts much worse. Hopefully this nurse does not display such behaviors around her patients.

[SmilingBluEyes]

What every happened to if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?

But really thank you all!!!!!!!!!!

She forgot this rule. Your reminder may be all that she needed. Hopefully so anyhow.

[phoenix72]

I'm not a nursing student yet, but I would have felt the same way. I pray that I never get to the point when a baby, or any other human, would become "It". If I ever reach that point, I'm done. I think that you will be a wonderful nurse. You are obviously caring and willing to help your patient in any way you can. Just hang in there and don't let this other nurse have any power over you.

[white_tigress_247]

Perhaps she was showing an example of how the family was responding to the infant's death?? Yes, there is a grieving process afterwards and part of that would be to allow the parents to hold the baby as part of the healing process.. but to have the baby just waitng around till 7pm after a 5am delivery sounds a little absurd... Like you said, she was a very experienced nurse, probally setting an example of the harsh reality of nursing. And opening eyes to how difficult of a career it is. It may look nice and fluffy from the outside, but reality is we work long and hard hours, constantly on our feet, cosntantly fullfilling requests, answering lights, helping with bed-making, chainging clothing, barely able to stop or a bite to eat... and more and more. As a professional you must maintain a caring attitude, but at the same time you cannot become too involved with heart-felt sympathies. You need to uphold neutral ground where you know you are making the best decisions for your patients well-being, without crossing the line. Emotions can become more draining than the actual physical part of the job.

Other questions... I mean, she may have just come onto the shift but she knew somethng was going on if she was asking "Why is it still here????"

Was the family out of state?? Travel time was long?? First priority would be to handle your patients situation... Did the mom mind having the baby waiting around??? How was the family handling the death?? Was SHE trying to play devil's advocate??? -Trying to prove a point, such as.... WHY is the baby still here???? Everyone has different perceptions in nursing, and it's not always a career that has a right or wrong answer.

[presuppose]

So glad to see support for you here. You will do fine as an RN. That night shift nurse needs to go work in the morgue - she needs a new job anyway.

just my .02

[Armygirl7]

tweety i love what you said:

"i've never had a job in any field, or worked or floated to any unit, or taken a class, or gone to a church, where 100% of the people acted and thought like me, in a way that i approved of. trolls are everywhere."

trolls is such a perfect word to describe these types of people who we meet everywhere! if we can set our minds to the perspective that life is an adventure - that we will meet trolls, fairies, angels, demons, foes, and most importantly friends, along an obstructed road that will still, absolutely, be worth traveling, then we can find the mental strength to deal with anything that comes our way.

it is why fairy tales remain so enduring and appealing to very young children - because all those iconic stories really do represent the trials and pitfalls and triumphs of a well-lived life.

if only we could remember that each of us is the hero or heroine in our own destiny and we need to choose our allies and not give away any power to our enemies!

trolls! if in the heat of the moment i can just hear that word in my head and put the offending person in their place in my mind!!

donegal 1 - hold tight to the positive reasons you wanted to be a nurse. don't let a big, tricksy, nasty troll make you doubt yourself. hang in there and fight the good fight!

[gwapalicious]

Yah I agree. Sounds like she is losing her touch. It may be that she has encountered a similar problem in the past and made her irritable to the situation. Who knows.