It started by offering several case histories of individuals who experienced this horrifying phenominum estimated to affect 40,000 people in the United States each year. One lady was alert as her eye was pulled from her head (she suffered from coneal erosion syndrome which can cause extreme eye discomfort). Another women wrote a book entitled Silenced Screams after her experience of awake alertness during an operation.
One of the expert featured on the program, Dr. Peter Sebel of Emory University indicated that often there are no overt indications when this rare phenominum occurs. Dr. Sebel indicated that studies have shown that in many cases of anesthesia awareness there were no detectable physiological clues that this was occuring. What is more even when the hypnotic and analgesic agents fail, the paralytic agents seem not to and to prevent the person from in any way signaling their plight. What is perhaps worse even when clues to increased alertness are detected, the additional paralytic agents rather than additional anesthesia are often administered which may not solve the problem. He indicated that sometimes these anesthesia failures may be due to genetic resistence to agents like fentanyl, errors made during pre-opt evaluation, or equipment malfunctions. However, in some cases he indicated that we just don't know what the etiological basis for these anesthesia failure are.
Dr. Paul Miles of Melbourne University is working on a machine which may provide a solution. The BIS anesthesia machine (bi-spectral analysis machine?) add EMG and EEG brain wave data to traditional telemetry elements such as blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate ect. The theory is that even if blood pressure and heart rate do not indicate increased conciousness, that brain waves patterns are likely to be altered. The BIS then integrates all of this information (including brain wave data) via an algorithm into a NUMBER that reflects the relative level of conciousness. One hundred equates to maximal, awake, alertness, while a zero would equate to a profoundly deep coma. Most patients are maintained in the forty to sixty range. One patient featured undergoing surgery with the BIS machine to monitor anesthesia displayed increased awareness after the first surgeons cut. Dr. Miles indicated that due to the information provided by the BIS that he administered additional analgesics, rather than increased paralytics, as would have been the case were he lacking the extra information provided by the BIS. IF trials prove effective then this technology might make possible precisely adjusting anesthesia dosages to achieve optimal levels of conciousness, and more importantly to prevent "anesthesia awareness".
In addition, it occured to me that active monitoring of brain activity might prove even more effective in accurately judging conciousness. If technologies such as PET scanning could be employed (active PET scans are already being investigated to improve the effectiveness of certain anti cancer therapies such as radio frequency ablation of hepatic cancer) then the brain could be monitored in real time. Certain areas of the brain such as the anterior, cingulate gyrus are almost invariably more active with increasing conciousness and would signal anesthesia failure. Of course there would be issues such as cost, and perhaps physiological conflicts between the dyes used for such scans, and the requirements of surgery.
Is this a subject that is frequently addressed among CRNA's? If so what are some other alternatives that are considered to minimize the chances of this sort of horrific experience?
I came across this post when I was looking into awake awareness during surgery and ofcoorifice being nosey as I am, I read and as I kept reading I could not believe what the arguement was all about. Debating the number of people who wake up during surgery each year. Does it really matter if it was 40,000 or if it was just 1? Also, feeling as though anesthesiologists who mention the risks and talk with his patient are, in your opinion, grandstanding, basically saying that they should not go in great detail about the risks to stur up more unwanted fear. You also say that patients really don't want to know, "better left unsaid." Or the discovery show being bias, the media is at a frenzy for ratings and money. Lets remember something, patients who wake up during surgery have been made at times to feel ashamed, not believed, and guilty on some level by the same anesthesiologist who administered the procedure. They are told to forget about it or its all in there head. So when someone like Carol who went through such a life changing horrific experience speaks up and leads a crusade for others to come forward and speak up, we knock her down? Lets be honest here, most people have never heard of awake awareness. And I'm also refering to doctors, pychologists, and the average person. This has been a very touchy subject for anesthesiologist, almost hush hush. So ofcoorifice when the word is out and people from all around the world are hearing and listening people start to ask questions. And why not? Why shouldn't we be givin the knowledge about the risks during surgery? To ask questions and to look at other alternatives to anesthesia. Like for instance the forarm technique. And to see what type of equipment you will be using. To ask if he has ever had a patient experience awake awareness and go from there. We should have that right. We are putting our lives in your hands right? So then we should be warned. Have you ever put yourself on the other side of the table? Take a look at what it could be like to have this happen to you. Lets go there....You are being preped for surgery waiting for your turn along with others the anesthesiologists runs in and introduces himself as your anesthesiologists. He mentions it has been already a very busy morning, lots of surgerys. He tells you he needs a signature here and here. He tells you he has to get some things ready and will meet you before going in. The anesthesiolgists meets you at the 2 double doors before entering the surgery room and tells you that some will be hooking you up to monitors and then he will put a mask over your face and to breath deeply. So your in the room and they are putting you in a cross like position and hooking you up and here comes the mask and he tells you to breath deep. Your out. So you thought. You awake and you say to yourself, "wow that was quick." But why is it still dark? Why can't I open my eyes? You hear a chuckle and someone speaking behind you in a conversation. Your totally confussed. Then you hear those dreadful words, standing right over you ..."OK, are we ready to get started here?" Panick and terrior rushes through you. "Oh my God, they are just beginning!" You try to move your mouth, arm, hand, finger, nothing. You try to move your body with all your force and screaming inside as they are cutting into you. The pain is horendous as they are digging , wiping and pulling your belly open. Your crying histerically but no one can hear you. You are in complete darkness, alone, helpless with only your soul of a being trying to comprehend what is happening. You look back into your life, digging and trying to find something to explain why you deserve this. As you lay there enduring all the pain, you try to concentrate on something else to lighten the pain. You call out for God, which seemed to be a Godless place, I heard nothing in that darkness. You still continue to pray. But that is not where the hell ends for you...your breathing stops. You can't breath. You panick. Your mind scrambling, you say to yourself the alarms, the alarms will go off! Nothing. So you know your dieing. As you lay there scrambling, calmness reaches you as your 3 beautiful little children and husband flashes infront of you as to say your goodbyes and leave with a last mercy prayer. You die. Then to hear your name being called that the surgery is over. You gasp for air and fling your body up, confussed, terrified, screaming you felt them cutting you, couldn't breath, you died, you died! They are trying to calm you and all you want to do is get off the bed. The nurse calls out for the anesthesiologist but he is no where. She trys to put a mask on your face but you hit it away from her because you think shes going to put you out again. The anesthesiologists comes and it takes them an hour to sedate you all the while you are crying out for your husband who they won't get. After an hour the surgeon gets your husband and he askes how it went and he replies "just fine." Only for your husband to walk in confussed and doesn't understand why your crying and hysterical. You are put in a recovery room after being druged up to calm you only to make you feel as if you are a ghost. No one wants to talk with you, and all you want to do is get out of that hospital. You discharge out right away and your husband drives you home, pale, numb and uncontroled crying. Your children greet you only to see something had happened to there mother. You go to your room, avoid any contact with anyone. Your sad. numb, confussed, depressed, and totally feeling like your not there. As the night comes and your tired, you fall asleep. As soon as you do here comes the nightmares which bear its ugly head of reliving the same surgery over and over like a broken record. And while in the nightmare you can't breath. You cling the sheets and pound around to move, your shaking and sweating pervousivly. You fling your body up and gasp and cry out I'm awake, I'm awake as your husband is trying to hold you and calm you down. The next day you are walking around the house like a zombie. You are not there. Your childrens voices are going through you as if you are hollow. You use to be a outdoorsy mother, coaching your sons soccer team, involved with your daughters dancing, and schooling. But that was all striped from you because you are having a hard time leaving the house and being involved with the outside life. Your trying to put back the peices where there supposed to be but you don't know how. If you try to talk about it every one tells you not to because you will just get upset. You confide in other doctors just for them to tell you that you probably dreamed it. So you seek help from a pychologist and after he has pumped you up with so much meds, one to sleep, one for anxiety, depression, and anger, and you are not getting any better, they are not aknowledging that this did indeed happen, and finially tells you that this could have not possibly have happened, he has never heard of a paralizing drug during surgery, that it was all in your head. So not only are you not believed, you are left feeling abandoned and helpless. So you try to bury it but it just spills out in other ways. You learn not to bring it up ever because you are made to feel and look crazy. And you catch yourself in a closet corner crying try to hide it all from the children. These are some of the things I still experience to this day. And it has been 4 years since my surgery. I am now just getting some real help from a pychologists who happened to learn about anesthesia awareness from all the media attention on PTSD steming from awake awareness. And if this wasn't brought to the attention of veiwers I might still be sitting here dealing with this nightmare. For once in my life someone has aknowledge the fact that this did indeed happen and I don't feel total abandonment from the medical community in itself. It might have taken 4 long years, but I am on my way to heal. So if you want to argue over numbers let me add this....not only does it effect one person it effects there whole family. As a patient, I would rather have some fear before surgery and know the risks, than have a life time of fear. So please, let the victims speak. Don't you think its time that all of this gets out in the open so we can learn from it and take the neccesary precautions on how to fix this problem. Not worry about how high the numbers were told but how we can elimindate one person from having to go through this hell. Education is the best key here. And however it gets delivered is not the issue, its reaching people and the medical field that this does occure and how should we handle this.
First - if this happened to you, I am sorry. You haven't said anything about the particulars of your surgery, but regardless, if it actually happened to you, I'm sure all of us regret it.
That being said - the incidence of awareness under anesthesia is greatly overstated by the media (who, as always, are looking to make a buck off their story) and by companies that market "awareness monitors" (looking to make a buck of their product), and by a number of physicians tied to these companies (again, looking to make a buck).
Yes, awareness does happen. It is a rare event. A significant amount of the time that it does happen, it is during a trauma case or emergency C-Section where the anesthetic drugs are either too dangerous to use in their normal dosages or have simply not had enough time to work. In those cases, it's a risk-benefit decision. Sometimes, the benefit is not worth the risk. The baby's heart rate is 0. Do you wait another 30 seconds before making the incision and risk having a baby with an IQ of 40 instead of 120? The patient's blood pressure is 60. Do you continue administering anesthetic agents that will lower their blood pressure even further, perhaps causing an MI or irreversible brain damage?
Other times, patients who claim they've had awareness during anesthesia don't relate it as painful. For some reason they were somewhat awake, can recall conversations during surgery, but felt no pain.
And sadly, some of the times that patients have been aware during surgery is when the anesthesia provider has diverted drugs to their own personal use and abuse habits, instead of the patient. Those providers, IMHO, should never be allowed to touch a patient again - ever.
Would anesthesia professionals like to have a monitor that tells them whether or not the patient is awake or aware? Of course we would. Does such a monitor currently exist? Absolutely not, regardless of what the TV shows and magazine articles and medical manufacturers would have you believe. I personally would rather have a monitor that I KNOW THAT IT WORKS, than one which may or may not work. An EKG monitor, oxygen saturation monitor, and carbon dioxide monitor all work. We simply don't know if an awareness monitor works or not. Most of us believe they do not! Would you like us to use a monitor that says you're asleep, and you're not? That's what some of these monitors do. What good is it if it doesn't work, or works half the time?
Awareness is a rare but serious problem. We would all like to correct that problem. We're simply not at the point that we can reliably do that with any monitor currently available.
An answer to your question....yes this did happen to me and no it was not a emergency situation or a high risk situation. I was having my gallbladder removed. I am not fighting on the fact that the media gets money and so does Aspect medical with the BIS monitor for coverage. So what! You the professional has to determine if it works for you in that operating room and it is safe for your patient. If you feel you can not rely on a monitor, then don't use it. Simple as that. No one is forcing you to use it. And if you are not satisfied with the trials because you call them bias, then maybe Mr. Littman should hurry up and have his own trial using this monitor or others out there and come to a factual, unbias opinion. Or how about this, Littman should be thinking of ways to help solve the situation instead of knocking it. All I know is that I have read plenty of articles from perstegious anesthesiologists from all around the world who have done there own trials with using there own monitoring, vigilence, and there education on hundreds of patients and not 1 wakes up during surgery. So basically what I'm saying is the ones that do wake up during surgery, that are non critical or a emergency type of situation, the fault lies on the anesthesiologist. In your own nurses of anesthesiology website it says the main factors of waking up are due to mis lableing, misuse of equipment, equipment failure, not monitoring the patient, misuse of anesthesia. And as far as the patient if they are a smoker, drugs, alchole, or and obesity. And that is why the anesthesiologists must ask and go over what is in your chart and most of all to see if it is all accurate. So in my case, as you read, my anesthesiologist did not go over ANYTHING with me. And I can tell you what I found out, he was not overlaping the drugs to keep me under....they ran dry ending with the result of waking up. But the neuromuscular drug still intact. And he has been an anesthesiologists for over 26 years. This can happen to any anesthesiologists no matter how long they have been practicing. And he came highly recomended.
I am not argueing the fact people are using the media for there own gane. But the medical field has been using the media for years to make money themselves. Just look at all the stuff we have to see everyday on t.v. You don't think everyone is making money off what they can in the medical field. Not just pushing monitors because of them using victims stories. How about the drug industry. We are ambushed all day long with perscription drug commercials, I don't see anyone making a fuss about that. And that is a huge, huge money making industry with many problems of there own.
I don't want to argue about what is fair and what isn't fair. I want Littman and other anesthesiologists to look at the big picture here and stop condeming trials but producing trials to benifit the everyday patient. I don't really care if you say the numbers are small or high, or the monitors are bias. The real issue is getting out the awareness of the situation and start concentrating on ways to stop this from occuring. Why with a non emergency, everyday simple procedure like gallbladder removal do you feel you need to paralize a patient? Share with your patients other alternatives. Why do you constintly feel you have to use a paralizing drug? Don't you know that if you eliminate that drug you would be eliminating PTSD if awareness did occure. The patient would have more control and could signal the anesthesiologist if something was wrong. And you can't sit here and say the reason why patients wake up during surgery is because of the situation being high risk and you have to chose weither to give them less and risk the outcome of them waking up. We know this can happen, totally understandable. Come on now...you need to write down everything. Yes you have situations like that. But you need to tell all. The number one factor with painful awareness is usually anesthesia mishap. A mistake on the part of the anesthesiologists. Or you have your awareness, as you said it, were you have no pain just some memory of the surgery. That is still unexplainable, we know that. But to have painful awareness under no urgent care or emergency situation is most likely faulty anesthesia. Read any article, better yet go to your american anesthesiologists web link and read what it says.
Again, I have to bring up the issue with people and companys making that money. The company pushes there new and improved drugs out there anyway they have to and you contribute to this money making industry all the same. So don't bash this company for trying to improve anesthesia....or you might as well bash everyone in the industry. And who is the experiment done on in the long run....unknowledgable, gullable patients who have no idea on how the procedure works or the risks like in my case.
Lets not get off the real issue here. The real issue is this has been happening for a long time now and we are just hearing it now. Yes, we know, it has improved over the years....If you listen to the victims and really hear and read what they have to say that says it all in itself. In most cases the patient told there anesthesiologists what had happened and most of there responses where either covering there own asses and putting the blame on the patient and basically making them believe they dreamed it or making them feel completly crazy, lieing to them saying it wasn't possible. And I'm not talking the dark ages here, I'm talking about this is still happening. So, like me, you search and dig for the answers to why this happened to you since the doctor isn't acknowledging you or your questions. And come to find out he was lieing this whole time angers you. So the patient sues. Do you blame them?
I think the answer is pretty simple....talk to your patients instead of hurrying everything. Be thurough on the risks of general anesthesia, ask if they have any concerns or questions. And STOP paralizing patients! Use your code of conduct...vigilence, monitor your patient and make sure your work load is not to much having to many patients schedualed for the same day to where it could compromize your ability to care for your patients. I think it starts there.
I want to thank all who read this...I just want to bring awareness to this issue. I believe this is the only way...the more people talk and the more we discusse the more people will get involved and look for answers. I know my spelling isn't the greatest at times, please bare with me.
I just finnished reading Jeannette Liska's book entitled Silenced Screams and found her book to be an eye opener! I am so glad that I read her book prior to starting my anesthesia career (which starts in two weeks!!!). I also saw the program that aired on the Discovery channel about awareness. I thought the program was informative but I was, however, a little concerned about the promotion of the BIS monitor. I could see how patients could get the wrong idea about it's effectiveness. I do agree with wernota#werpeople that bickering about numbers is irrelevent, especially to those individuals who have lived through a horrible experience such as awareness.
My questions to those in practice are:
How often do you ask your patients what the last thing they remember is?
Have you ever had someone experience awareness after you have cared for them?
Reading Liska's book really impacted me as a human being and definately has given me a healthy respect for my new career. Thanks for everyone's imput.
1. I want Littman and other anesthesiologists to look at the big picture here and stop condeming trials but producing trials to benifit the everyday patient.
2. Why with a non emergency, everyday simple procedure like gallbladder removal do you feel you need to paralize a patient?
3.Why do you constintly feel you have to use a paralizing drug? Don't you know that if you eliminate that drug you would be eliminating PTSD if awareness did occure.
4. And STOP paralizing patients!
I edited your previous post so that I would not have to post four seperate responses.
1. This is much easier said than done. Who or what are you refering to when you mention 'Littman' ?
2. Neuromuscular blockade is often necessary during surgical procedures to prevent movement of skeletal muscle (not cardiac muslce). Neuromuscular blockade is also necessary at times to help facilitate endotracheal intubation as well as mechanical ventilation. I am sure there are other indications for NMB that others on this board can inform you of.
3. By not using neuromuscular blockade the patient is able to move during the surgical procedure, you don't want this. Not using NMB can make intubation and mechanical ventilation difficult to achieve.
I agree with others that jwk has given you a great response. I too am very sorry this happened to you.
Your demand for personal accountability is completely well founded. I can tell you that my readings of the personal accounts from people who share your experience has had an incredible impact on my practice. I can honestly say I take it into account with every anesthetic.
But I have to tell you that there are no 100% guarantees with anesthesia (or anything else in health care). There is not technique, monitor or knowledge that can assure that this will never, ever happen. But that doesn't mean we don't do our very best to do everything within our power to try and minimize whatever is within our control.
You mention individual anesthesia providers who have had no reports of awareness in hundreds of patients. If the occurence is a few times per thousands, then a few hundred is not enough to see the problem. You sound like you have worked very hard to increase your understanding of these issues. Have you explored a little a bit about how scientific research is conducted? It might help you have a more complete picture of how knowledge is generated, knowledge we then use to make treatment decision. What you describe is what we call anecdotal evidence. It is helpful, but not as well accepted as other types of rigorous research.
Paralytic muscle relaxant drugs are not as easy to avoid as you suggest. We do not use them unless there is a specific need for them. They are needed for intubation, and to prevent patient movement during surgery. They are also needed for any surgery that involves cutting into muscles. So yes, you needed them for you gallbladder surgery. The reason we give muscle relaxants is because the surgeon needs you to have them so he can do the surgery.
You ask to be given other options. We do this when we can. If a surgery can be done under local or regional (spinal or epidural), that is discussed with the patient. These aren't really viable choices for gallbladder surgery.
I thank you for sharing your story. I believe it is important for anesthesia providers to hear. You are evidently still in alot of emotional pain, I hope you are receiving the support and help you need to work through this.
Awareness while under? I had bilateral carpal tunnel done and the physician that I knew and worked with as a RN had the anesthesia guy WAKE ME UP during surgery so the good doc could give me an anatomy lesson on my hand while it was split wide open. (NO this was not a dream) I remembered all of it and I recall nothing moving except my head as this doctor directed my attention to my open incision on my hand.
I had to work with this guy afterwards as an RN. I remembered the anesthesia man too and when he saw me at the hospital he ran the other way. I was told that if I reported this to anyone I would "never work again in this area". We live in a small town with one hospital. I did end up in therapy learning how to deal with working with this doctor for the next 8 years taking care of his patients. I use to panic when I saw him. I have since changed jobs. This experience was very horrifying to me. This was intentional by both doctors obviously. It was done at an outpatient facility and I recall only those two doctors in the op suite at the time. I think they thought I would not remember what they did.
I did mention this to a nurse who contacted the state medical board and they WANTED HIS NAME but I feared not working again in this area.
I am truly shocked that something like this would happen. It's a shame you stayed quiet about this. All it has done is enabled these doctors to do the same thing to other patients.
And as far as not working in the area again - first you could have sued both the doctors for a significant sum - you could have filed criminal battery charges against them for the act itself, as well as further criminal charges for coercing you into silence - and you could have sued the hospital for wrongful discharge as well as being a party to the doctors' criminal wrongdoing or attempting to coerce you into silence. I'm surprised your therapist didn't recommend any of these courses of action as a way of some healing and closure on your part.
My experience has been that doctors want patients "out" simply because it is easier to work on an unconscious patient. In fact, I've had doctors admit that unconscious people are "less trouble." (I'm not a doctor or a nurse; I just seem to elicit confessions from people!) This seems more for the benefit of the doctors than for the safety of the patient. I always refuse to be put under unless it is absolutely necessary and have had to hold my ground more than once. It's always worked out well, although propofol is not my first choice for conscious sedation.
wernota#werpeople
4 Posts
I came across this post when I was looking into awake awareness during surgery and ofcoorifice being nosey as I am, I read and as I kept reading I could not believe what the arguement was all about. Debating the number of people who wake up during surgery each year. Does it really matter if it was 40,000 or if it was just 1? Also, feeling as though anesthesiologists who mention the risks and talk with his patient are, in your opinion, grandstanding, basically saying that they should not go in great detail about the risks to stur up more unwanted fear. You also say that patients really don't want to know, "better left unsaid." Or the discovery show being bias, the media is at a frenzy for ratings and money. Lets remember something, patients who wake up during surgery have been made at times to feel ashamed, not believed, and guilty on some level by the same anesthesiologist who administered the procedure. They are told to forget about it or its all in there head. So when someone like Carol who went through such a life changing horrific experience speaks up and leads a crusade for others to come forward and speak up, we knock her down? Lets be honest here, most people have never heard of awake awareness. And I'm also refering to doctors, pychologists, and the average person. This has been a very touchy subject for anesthesiologist, almost hush hush. So ofcoorifice when the word is out and people from all around the world are hearing and listening people start to ask questions. And why not? Why shouldn't we be givin the knowledge about the risks during surgery? To ask questions and to look at other alternatives to anesthesia. Like for instance the forarm technique. And to see what type of equipment you will be using. To ask if he has ever had a patient experience awake awareness and go from there. We should have that right. We are putting our lives in your hands right? So then we should be warned. Have you ever put yourself on the other side of the table? Take a look at what it could be like to have this happen to you. Lets go there....You are being preped for surgery waiting for your turn along with others the anesthesiologists runs in and introduces himself as your anesthesiologists. He mentions it has been already a very busy morning, lots of surgerys. He tells you he needs a signature here and here. He tells you he has to get some things ready and will meet you before going in. The anesthesiolgists meets you at the 2 double doors before entering the surgery room and tells you that some will be hooking you up to monitors and then he will put a mask over your face and to breath deeply. So your in the room and they are putting you in a cross like position and hooking you up and here comes the mask and he tells you to breath deep. Your out. So you thought. You awake and you say to yourself, "wow that was quick." But why is it still dark? Why can't I open my eyes? You hear a chuckle and someone speaking behind you in a conversation. Your totally confussed. Then you hear those dreadful words, standing right over you ..."OK, are we ready to get started here?" Panick and terrior rushes through you. "Oh my God, they are just beginning!" You try to move your mouth, arm, hand, finger, nothing. You try to move your body with all your force and screaming inside as they are cutting into you. The pain is horendous as they are digging , wiping and pulling your belly open. Your crying histerically but no one can hear you. You are in complete darkness, alone, helpless with only your soul of a being trying to comprehend what is happening. You look back into your life, digging and trying to find something to explain why you deserve this. As you lay there enduring all the pain, you try to concentrate on something else to lighten the pain. You call out for God, which seemed to be a Godless place, I heard nothing in that darkness. You still continue to pray. But that is not where the hell ends for you...your breathing stops. You can't breath. You panick. Your mind scrambling, you say to yourself the alarms, the alarms will go off! Nothing. So you know your dieing. As you lay there scrambling, calmness reaches you as your 3 beautiful little children and husband flashes infront of you as to say your goodbyes and leave with a last mercy prayer. You die. Then to hear your name being called that the surgery is over. You gasp for air and fling your body up, confussed, terrified, screaming you felt them cutting you, couldn't breath, you died, you died! They are trying to calm you and all you want to do is get off the bed. The nurse calls out for the anesthesiologist but he is no where. She trys to put a mask on your face but you hit it away from her because you think shes going to put you out again. The anesthesiologists comes and it takes them an hour to sedate you all the while you are crying out for your husband who they won't get. After an hour the surgeon gets your husband and he askes how it went and he replies "just fine." Only for your husband to walk in confussed and doesn't understand why your crying and hysterical. You are put in a recovery room after being druged up to calm you only to make you feel as if you are a ghost. No one wants to talk with you, and all you want to do is get out of that hospital. You discharge out right away and your husband drives you home, pale, numb and uncontroled crying. Your children greet you only to see something had happened to there mother. You go to your room, avoid any contact with anyone. Your sad. numb, confussed, depressed, and totally feeling like your not there. As the night comes and your tired, you fall asleep. As soon as you do here comes the nightmares which bear its ugly head of reliving the same surgery over and over like a broken record. And while in the nightmare you can't breath. You cling the sheets and pound around to move, your shaking and sweating pervousivly. You fling your body up and gasp and cry out I'm awake, I'm awake as your husband is trying to hold you and calm you down. The next day you are walking around the house like a zombie. You are not there. Your childrens voices are going through you as if you are hollow. You use to be a outdoorsy mother, coaching your sons soccer team, involved with your daughters dancing, and schooling. But that was all striped from you because you are having a hard time leaving the house and being involved with the outside life. Your trying to put back the peices where there supposed to be but you don't know how. If you try to talk about it every one tells you not to because you will just get upset. You confide in other doctors just for them to tell you that you probably dreamed it. So you seek help from a pychologist and after he has pumped you up with so much meds, one to sleep, one for anxiety, depression, and anger, and you are not getting any better, they are not aknowledging that this did indeed happen, and finially tells you that this could have not possibly have happened, he has never heard of a paralizing drug during surgery, that it was all in your head. So not only are you not believed, you are left feeling abandoned and helpless. So you try to bury it but it just spills out in other ways. You learn not to bring it up ever because you are made to feel and look crazy. And you catch yourself in a closet corner crying try to hide it all from the children. These are some of the things I still experience to this day. And it has been 4 years since my surgery. I am now just getting some real help from a pychologists who happened to learn about anesthesia awareness from all the media attention on PTSD steming from awake awareness. And if this wasn't brought to the attention of veiwers I might still be sitting here dealing with this nightmare. For once in my life someone has aknowledge the fact that this did indeed happen and I don't feel total abandonment from the medical community in itself. It might have taken 4 long years, but I am on my way to heal. So if you want to argue over numbers let me add this....not only does it effect one person it effects there whole family. As a patient, I would rather have some fear before surgery and know the risks, than have a life time of fear. So please, let the victims speak. Don't you think its time that all of this gets out in the open so we can learn from it and take the neccesary precautions on how to fix this problem. Not worry about how high the numbers were told but how we can elimindate one person from having to go through this hell. Education is the best key here. And however it gets delivered is not the issue, its reaching people and the medical field that this does occure and how should we handle this.
Signed,
a patient with a voice