Depressed about my job-long

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I graduated in May with my RN. The only job I could find is in a nursing home. The area I live in is rural, so there weren't many jobs to even apply to. I can't relocate. My husband is a professor and has tenure now. I have been at my job since August 10th. It has been very difficult. I work on a hall which is mostly a rehab hall. Residents are coming and going all the time. I have about 27 residents to myself. I have to pass meds at 4 and 8 pm, do treatments, assessments, charting, admits, discharges, deal with the family, deal with any crisis that comes up. I never get out on time. I'm always staying late to get my charting done. As soon as I get faster, get used to the new residents, they go home, and new ones come. I am so overwhelmed and frustrated! Half the time I feel stupid. Many of the residents are demanding, need pain meds constantly. The families are worse.They are always complaining about something. I can't always get to someone right away, because I have 26 other residents needing something too. I do have many residents I love, and are sad to see them go when they are discharged. They all seem to like me, and say I'm caring and nice, which I am.The residents are what make me like my job. I feel because I'm too nice, and lack confidence, the other nurses step all over me. There is one nurse(the charge nurse) who belittles me all the time. She makes me feel like a complete moron, in front of families too. Tonight she was mad at me because I bought my own pulse ox to bring to work. They only have one for 5 hallways. It's too hard to track it down. I spent my own money for it, and she says oh you can't have that, you have to use ours! I had a res that didn't look well tonight. She blew me off. I didn't feel good about how she was doing. It was a gut feeling. She felt the res was okay, and we did all we could for her. I always feel because we are short staffed that I am risking my res safety, and my liscense. I worked so hard to get my RN. I would hate to lose it! And I CARE about these people. Half the time I can't sleep because I worry about them all the time. I don't bring up the charge nurses rudeness. I just let it drop. I'm not a confrontational person. I feel so depressed and like crying when I'm at work, and get anxious when I have to go in. It's hard being the new grad! Most of the nurses there are very experienced. There are a few other new grads. I hate giving report to the old nurses, they look at me like I'm stupid. I can honestly say I am trying as hard as I can to do the very best for these people. Why do I not feel good about myself? I stay late to finish charting every day. I have so many events, and assessments to chart. There are a lot of medicare residents. Many people have had a joint replacement. I have one woman that was in a car accident and had fx's to her ribs, legs, and sternum. I have to do neuro checks on her every hour. I have a woman with colon ca that has a colostomy, and was draining lots of blood for several days. I had a man with a feeding tube once. I have some people on IV antibiotics. Some days it feels more like a med surg floor or an ER than a nursing home! They need another nurse on this hall to help! I feel like I'm drowning. I am organized. I have my residents names on a paper, I take notes. I write who I have to chart on. I would appreciate any advice on how to get faster, feel more confident. I want to love my job. Is that too much to ask? These people deserve the best, and I feel like even though I am trying MY best, they are not getting the best. I am only one person. Thanks for listening:)

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Hi birdietiel!!

Welcome to LTC, the toughest job you'll ever love:heartbeat

I feel your pain, sister, believe me I do. I've worked every nursing job in LTC, from student nursing assistant all the way up to DNS, and I know exactly where you're coming from.

Your caring and compassion for the residents is obvious in your post. I'm right there with you: for all the money they pay to be in a nursing home, they receive very little actual care. The system puts profits ahead of people, and regretfully, there isn't much an individual nurse can do to change that. All we can change is how we think about our jobs, and work within that system to provide our folks with the best care we can possibly give.

You've made a great start. You are consciencious and thorough, something too many LTC nurses are not due to the numerous and often conflicting demands made on them during the course of a shift. As a new grad, however, you have a bit of a confidence problem, and the only way to work through that is to keep gaining experience. You also need to continue doing what you KNOW is right: reporting condition changes to the charge nurse, whether or not s/he does anything about it. And I know this is easier said than done, but do try not to let yourself be intimidated by nurses with more experience........they, too, are overwhelmed with too many patients and too many tasks, they've simply had more time to learn how to cope with it. The trouble is, they sometimes miss things that a newer set of eyes will catch.

I can't count the number of times I've had a new grad or a new CNA pick up on something that I'd overlooked, simply because I knew the resident and his/her habits so well. We "used nurses" will often say "Oh, that's just the way s/he is, it happens all the time." If your instincts tell you something's not right, keep insisting that the other nurse take a look and don't be put off; this is how you learn!

Above all, however, you need to be able to separate yourself---that is to say, your self---from the job. I know for the first 10 years I was a nurse, I was a nurse 24/7, but that was not good for my mental health OR my private life. Find something to do outside of work hours that rejuvenates and refreshes you; don't be available to come in to work all the time; keep up friendships OUTSIDE of work; and learn to say "NO" to people and projects that don't add anything but stress to your life. The sooner you learn this, the better for your emotional balance and the better nurse you will be.

Hope this offers you some hope. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss this further; I'm here to help if I can.

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Practice. :)

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Specializes in school RN, CNA Instructor, M/S.

:heartbeat:redbeathe Dear birdie First I am sooo proud of you!!! We forget to praise each other for our accomplishments and I didn't want to neglect telling you that you have a beautiful spirit and a loving heart!!!! I know it can really suck when it feels like even your coworkers don't get you. Vivalasviejas is right though when she said to remember your own self. I speak from experience when I say "You can give so much" that there is nothing left. It's called burnout and it happens very quickly if you're not careful!" I forgot to take care of myself and it nearly cost me my license!! This site is great for venting and getting ideas on how to make the tough times better. Hang in there, you are NOT ALONE!!!!!:loveya:

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Thanks for your replies. I need to remember why I am there, for the residents! I'll try to let the other stuff not get to me.

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