Depressed, anxious,

[NurseFries, BSN, RN]

Hi,

I have posted about my anxiety and depression before on this site. I am taking medication and seeing a counselor but I still wake up crying and anxious every morning. I was offered a great job as a home health hospice nurse with 6 weeks orientation but passed on it because my gut instinct was no and I felt I was not ready to work alone yet in that specialty yet. It has been 2 months since I passed on the opportunity and I am full of regret and sorrow. No other nursing job has ever offered me 6 weeks orientation.

I have only been in a nurse for over 2 years but have over 10 years experience in the medical field (medical assistant). Most of my nursing experience has been as a private duty home health nurse with geriatric patients and as a clinical nurse in a foster care group home setting.

I currently work as per-diem as a home health pediatric nurse and I do not like it at all. The kids are cute, the agency is great, and the families are very nice but it is not a good fit for me. Working with medically fragile children in the home health setting is completely different than in the hospital and I now know that I do not want to specialize in pediatrics. Seeing the kids with trachs and on ventilators makes me sad and anxious.

All my anxiety and depression increased since I relocated to a new city with my husband. I feel like I have lost all my confidence as a nurse. All my patient's and supervisor's say I am a great nurse and competent in what I do, but I do not feel that way. I feel lost.

I also feel like I will never get a nursing job that I will like and be passionate about. When I graduated school I had to move to another city b/c of my husband's new job and I couldn't get into a residency program to save my life. Luckily I got a job in home health but that it not what I want to do. My passion is cardiology and nephrology. I have applied to 100's job postings in the city I live in now but keep getting rejection emails stating "you will not be considered a candidate". I am losing my mind. What is wrong with me???

I am also afraid of the 6 month gap on my resume from relocating. I am going to quit the pediatric home health job I started 4 months ago soon but I am also afraid of how it will look on my resume as well. This job is the only short-term job on my resume.

I am very scared and anxious that I will not get a nurse job that is a good fit for me. I feel like an idiot passing on the home health hospice position. I feel like I will never be offered a nursing position with adequate training and friendly co-workers. I feel like my career is over. I feel hopeless.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

First off, it is just a job! It is not worth feeling that upset over. See a counselor who can help you get things in better perspective. Then find a job you don't hate. Work is a means to fund your non-working life. Start enjoying your real life and do not sweat the work stuff so hard.

[NurseFries, BSN, RN]

Thanks, I will try :/

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

First of all, unless you cannot endure another day, another week, another month at your current job, DO NOT QUIT until you have another offer in hand. Not only will that add another gap in your employment history, but it will actually make it even harder to find another job. There is nothing quite so attractive to an employer than a candidate who is working.

Second, please get to a doctor or psychologist ASAP and be evaluated to rule out medical problems that may be masquerading as mental illness, as well as determining whether or not there are other psychiatric issues. It sounds like your meds are not controlling your depression and anxiety adequately. But meds are only a part of the picture; sleep, physical activity, and diet also play a big part in staying well.

I think a big issue for you is the move......it doesn't sound like you've established roots or gotten a support system up and running in your new place as yet. That takes time and can be rough. Again, you really ought to see someone who can give you better advice than anonymous strangers on an Internet forum. Wishing you the best!