Denial

[poopprincess]

I'm the one who holds her edematous hand at night when she is terrified because she can't catch her breath. I'm the one who gently rubs her back because the medicine doesn't take her pain away. I'm the one who catches the tears off her cheekbones because she just can't take it anymore. I'm the one who listens to her family demand everything be done. I'm the one who notices that while the family is demanding medicine, machines, tubes and surgery, she is looking away because it isn't what she wants. I'm the one who watches her sit up all night in agony, never really resting. I'm the one who listens to her family gloat about what a fighter she is and how she will never give up. I'm the one who reads the guilt in her faded, brown eyes, because she wanted to give up long ago. I'm the one who knows that she isn't hanging on for herself. I'm the one who listens to the family talk about how proud they are of her for [suffering] continuing on. I'm the one who watches the family try to force her to eat. When they are gone, I'm the one who watches her frail face wince in pain and suffer from nausea because her body is shutting down. I'm the one who watches human suffering because sheer will and denial can't defy the sad fact that she is done. I'm the one secretly praying that she finally gets the peace that she deserves.

[MomRN0913]

That brought a tear to my eye and kind of burned me out of the ICU for a while.