Denial

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I'm the one who holds her edematous hand at night when she is terrified because she can't catch her breath. I'm the one who gently rubs her back because the medicine doesn't take her pain away. I'm the one who catches the tears off her cheekbones because she just can't take it anymore. I'm the one who listens to her family demand everything be done. I'm the one who notices that while the family is demanding medicine, machines, tubes and surgery, she is looking away because it isn't what she wants. I'm the one who watches her sit up all night in agony, never really resting. I'm the one who listens to her family gloat about what a fighter she is and how she will never give up. I'm the one who reads the guilt in her faded, brown eyes, because she wanted to give up long ago. I'm the one who knows that she isn't hanging on for herself. I'm the one who listens to the family talk about how proud they are of her for [suffering] continuing on. I'm the one who watches the family try to force her to eat. When they are gone, I'm the one who watches her frail face wince in pain and suffer from nausea because her body is shutting down. I'm the one who watches human suffering because sheer will and denial can't defy the sad fact that she is done. I'm the one secretly praying that she finally gets the peace that she deserves.

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Sing it, sister.

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Specializes in Psych/Corrections.
I'm the one who holds her edematous hand at night when she is terrified because she can't catch her breath. I'm the one who gently rubs her back because the medicine doesn't take her pain away. I'm the one who catches the tears off her cheekbones because she just can't take it anymore. I'm the one who listens to her family demand everything be done. I'm the one who notices that while the family is demanding medicine, machines, tubes and surgery, she is looking away because it isn't what she wants. I'm the one who watches her sit up all night in agony, never really resting. I'm the one who listens to her family gloat about what a fighter she is and how she will never give up. I'm the one who reads the guilt in her faded, brown eyes, because she wanted to give up long ago. I'm the one who knows that she isn't hanging on for herself. I'm the one who listens to the family talk about how proud they are of her for [suffering] continuing on. I'm the one who watches the family try to force her to eat. When they are gone, I'm the one who watches her frail face wince in pain and suffer from nausea because her body is shutting down. I'm the one who watches human suffering because sheer will and denial can't defy the sad fact that she is done. I'm the one secretly praying that she finally gets the peace that she deserves.

poopprincess-love that handle:)- so very poignant and true!! As humans though, we do all this to our dying loved ones because we just can't accept letting them go............

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Specializes in OB, Med/Surg, Ortho, ICU.

This explains very clearly why sometimes I come home and can't possibly fulfill any more personal needs of anyone. Luckily, I have a great husband and understanding kids that know when I've had enough. Well said.

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Specializes in Home Health.

Poopprincess, are you hospice?

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Specializes in LTC.

Its sad how often I see this happen to patients. Love can make people do odd things sometimes.

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Specializes in geriatrics, IV, Nurse management.
:( This is currently how I'm feeling about a patient of mine who was diagnosed palliative. She's determined and strong, so I know she'll make her days last to do what she would like, but the family is in such denial, and taking her to all these specialists for 3rd and 4th opinions. Sad:(
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Isabelle, I am considered more med-sug. I work in an LTAC, so I see a little bit of everything. Critical care, hospice, vent weaning or pts. who just need IV antibiotics cause they broke a bone and got an infection, but are otherwise fairly healthy.

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poopprincess-love that handle:)- so very poignant and true!! As humans though, we do all this to our dying loved ones because we just can't accept letting them go............

Gaylarn4.....I'm not sure this is a "human" trait as much as it is a cultural one.

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We have a patient on our floor right now who is going through this. The doctors and RNs pretty much told the family that she is terminal (stage IIIC ovarian)and recommended hospice. The family will hear none of it though because "Mom's a fighter she'll make it through this!" They also have no idea what palliative care means either.

So in goes the TPN because mom's not eating and now they want stool softeners and laxatives because mom's not having bowel movements. Also why aren't we doing more vitals on her? Let's get mom in a chair! Do you think mom can walk to the bathroom if all 4 of us help? I know I can get her to eat my homemade food! (yeah the woman's unconscious, on TPN and you want to feed her?!?!)

The other RNs and I cringe whenever they walk through the door. We often pray that this poor soul passes quickly before they visit every evening just so she doesn't have to be put through their BS and her soul can be at peace. I know that may sound cruel to some but you can tell when a patient wants to let go and she really does.

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Specializes in Home Care, Peds, Public Health, DD Health.

I saw a pt like this, cancer, mets everywhere. She had coded several times. But she was a full code. There was no letting her go. She looked so much like she wanted to please family but so worn. Like she was torn in so many ways. I think that when she had enough, they wouldn't be able to get her back. But I just couldnt believe that after coding more than once, no one spoke to the family about perhaps it being time to let go....

angels mommy

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when my grama was diagnosed with bone cancer, i was the one who stood up for her and told the family she didn't want to fight a losing battle, with treatments that would make her final days even more agonizing. : (

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