Death and Clinicals

[SnarfGirl]

I had a strange clinical day today. I am about to graduate- thank the Lord! Took finals yesterday and passed, then had our last clinical today. I was assigned to the Trauma Room...It was pretty cool cause that is what I like and I have been there before, so I wasn't as nervous. I was there for about 5 minutes and a guy who was down for 20 minutes with no pulse comes rolling in with the paramedics - The hospital staff was wonderful about letting me participate like part of the team it was great! I did compressions with another student off and on for about 30 minutes (gonna be sore tomorrow!). They were about to call time of death, and he got a pulse! The two of us (students) got to do everything, his NG tube, foley, IV's (1 each!)...It was so exciting...and I'm thinking to myself "yeah! I can totally do this! I'm about to graduate! what a great last day!" So we transported him up to CVICU, where I'm his family were going to decide if they should withdrawal care because he had no neuro response at all , and only Levophed keeping his BP up. His brain was down without oxygen for far too long...

Anyway, the other student and I are on the way back from transport talking about how we are done in less than an hour, we chatted about all the excitement that went on, and we heard the call for another code. So we go back to the ER and there it was. A 10 week old baby . The mother found her unresponsive during nap time. I've never seen a baby that color...or should I say colorless. They coded her for a long time. Nothing. She died. Talk about your stomach falling to the floor. I can't believe just 5 minutes before that we were talking about "how cool" our experience was, and how much we learned...blah blah..and here this mother just lost her newborn baby. There is nothing cool about this situation. My heart breaks for that mom. Even now as I sit here and type. I feel so wrong for being excited about getting to participate in a "code" earlier today...Saving lives is important and that is a very cool thing.... But that baby wasn't saved. It seems senseless to me....Thats the second time in this block I've seen a kid die. I don't know how Peds nurses do it. Hats off to you!

I walked down the hall and shed a few tears as I heard the mother screaming when they announced the time of death... I will never forget that sound, and I'll never forget how everyone popped the gloves off and scattered like roaches with heads hung down when it was over. Just the baby and a police officer left. A little while later, the family was in with social worker and they took me and the other student into the baby's room. That little body wrapped up with the ET tube sticking out... It was a beautiful baby girl. They explained to us what they will do with her body, how they prepare her for the parents, and the steps that follow a situation like this. I don't want to sound morbid - but it's what we needed. I think they knew we were a little freaked- and it gave us a little closure. . a little. I said good bye to her...I know she is in peace and not suffering. But my heart breaks for the family, and I will never, ever understand why babies die.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. Preceptorship starts Monday, have HESI next week and graduation in May...have to look forward and think about all the good things that come with nursing....

[RNKel, ASN, RN]

I completely understand. I participated in my first code last week and the patient didn't make it. I was "excited" to be a big part of the code, too, but when the pt's family came in, it was so sad. The son was in complete shock and everyone was crying. A baby's death would have been even harder.

[exnavygirl-RN]

I'm sitting here taking brake from watching monitors. You told your story so well and my heart goes out to the baby and her family. That is an experience you will never forget. I have limited experience with peds...by choice. Peds nurses and ER nurses are a special breed. I'll stick to my grumpy old guys at the V.A.

[tbell2]

Wow. I can't imagine the pain that family is in-- and hope I never feel it! I would probably fall down crying to hear the mom scream.

Thank you for sharing this story. The way you related the two was good. We do love when we get to do our prodecures, but... It is not only a tradgedy when a child dies. Every patient is someone's mother, father, brother, sister, son, or daughter. Even if death is expected and brings an end to someone's suffering, we have to remember that someone has lost someone they love.