Dealing with gossips

[Pam RN]

How do you deal with the internal cancer of a gossip/backstabber? I have a woman at work, not an RN, who makes this destructive behavior her life. She's near retirement age, very competent at her job, knowledgeable but spreads her black-cloud of negativity to everyone she touches. She talks about everyone, acts buddy-buddy with someone new each week and then backstabs the others. She will, out of the blue during a surgical case, start blabbing on about someone to engage the doctor to get on his good side and make herself look good. She points out everyones mistakes and makes sure it gets spread around to everyone in the place. A few others egg her on and when they are together it's not pleasant. She's very sneaky about it, always making sure she comes out smelling like a rose and everyone else is at fault.

It's eerliy quiet as no one mentions her behavior or complains about it. Are they afraid of her or are they professional and choose not to join her in the gossip game. I find it very stressful to work with her and have put her in her place at a few choice times, but like a cockroach she keeps coming back. The boss doesn't say anything about her. I made my feelings known to the boss but I'm not sure if anyone else has ever said anything. What's the best way to deal with this dysfuntional person?

[leslie :-D]

i've worked with one of those: where she systematically destroys any remnant of good morale.

unfortunately, it's doubtful mgmt will do anything, esp given her seniority on the job.

just stay clear of her; any interactions should be civil at best.

hopefully she'll retire soon.

leslie

[loriangel14, RN]

I have dealt with this in my nursing class.Loads of fun.All we can do is avoid the person.Hang in there.

[lberghood]

Have also dealth with this in more than one job. Think that there is probably one in every hospital. Ive found that being civil and keeping myself emotionally detached works best. Don't let her rent space in your head, it's not worth it and everything eventually comes out in the wash anyway. If not in the wash, then in the rinse! It seems to me that these people try to get close to people that they can manipulate and if you just don't engage her and not feed into her negativity it will probably drive her crazy and don't be surprised if that makes you her target in an attempt to get to you but if she realizes that her attempts are fruitless she will probably get bored and move on. If she seriously targets you and makes inappropriate or slanderous remarks i would keep my own documentation so when it all comes out you will have that to stand on. Management usually is aware but they usually won't do anything until things get pretty out of hand. I left a job once because my supervisor was very unprofessional, had no boundaries and had an extremely distant relationship with the truth! That was 2 years ago and she still works there but in the long run i got a better job and an better off. Good luck and just don't give her power over you. She is not worth it and probably enjoys all the chaos she creates. My mother used to say to people like that " I am not going to dignify that with a response" It worked pretty well some times and that is basically what i am trying to say. It also really pisses people off who want to waste time creating discord and chaos. Nothing is worse than being ignored and people like you describe usually crave attention.

" Feeble minds discuss people, good minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas"

[firstaiddave907]

I would do my best to ingnore her the best you can.

[thumperRN]

Yep, there's one in every hospital - or EVERY work environment for that matter. Just stay away from that one, she knows who she can get to and who she can't, and that is her feeding ground. Trust me, everyone knows who she is. She probably has very low self esteem (even if she doesn't let it show) which would explain some of this behavior. You can be confident in your job and your abilities without being an arrogant jerk. Don't let her suck you in and bring you down. Misery loves company.

[Irishgirl]

Whatever you do, don't discuss anything personal around this person. If she's within earshot, chances are you'll be next. Steer completely clear of negative people and always say nice things about others. If you treat others as you would want to be treated, you can't go wrong. And if she picks on you, then she's just mad she's not a wonderful person like you.

[chadash]

Keep your nose to the grind stone, and your shoulder to the wheel. When she starts, glance at your watch and say: "Oh! Look at the time!"

I have tried sticking up for the object of the gossip, and discovered you end up wrestling in the mud with someone who has mud wrestling down to an artform. So, just dont listen.

[OR male nurse]

Wow.. you are describing one of our surgical techs perfectly. She has been at our hospital 9 years and is really knowledgeable but ruins it by being the biggest backstabber and gossip spreader. She's a total suck up to the surgeons and always makes herself out to be the hero. It's always about her no matter what. Most everyone where I work feels the same about her and has complained to our spineless department co-ordinator but, she falls for our backstabbers spin and seems to be under some kind of spell as the complaints have had no effect. How do I personally deal with the backstabbing gossip ? I mostly ignore her and the others like her. Other than doing case counts I haven't spoken a word to her in almost 3 weeks and look right through her when I pass her in the hallway. I'm the "token" male OR nurse where I work and don't figure into the gossip tree anyway so I already have that going for me. I stick to myself and drink my coffee outside of the break "gossip" lounge and try not to involve myself in it. I keep myself occupied as much as possible either doing or setting up my operations, picking cases for the next day, stocking OR rooms, or seeing if any of the "normal" RN's or ST's need any help. That way I'm out of the rumor mill. I totally love my job as a circulating RN and won't let simple minded people like the one you describe or the one we have where I work ruin my karma and work ethic. Just ignore them and speak to them only when necessary and when they speak to you first.