Dealing with death

JanessaG, BSN · Feb 16, 2008

I haven't dealt with fetal demise before.... However, I have a friend that has. I believe this is a totally different kind of death, at least to me it is and it takes a very special person to handle it well. My friend would tell me stories and it would just break my heart and I'd be in tears listening. She always has a different view of it though. She focuses on how she helps the family through this horrific time and what she can do to support them and get them what they need. She said it's a hard situation but that she thinks back to when she had her kids and tries to do what she would want done if she were in that situation. Although it's a situation no one wants to go through, when I listen to her talk about supporting the family it is a really beautiful experience. She says she is sad about the situation, but she is able to go home feeling good that she did everything she could to help the parents memorialize their baby and help them cope with what has happened.

I don't know if this will help.... but I hope somehow it does.

Simplepleasures · Feb 16, 2008

Most of my experiences with the death of a patient have been very natural, because I worked in LTC, where it was a BLESSING to be released from the suffering of age related disease. The death of someone younger is much less natural and definitely harder to absorb. I did have a few younger patients in their 5o's and 40's , that were dying of CA, or post Aneurysm. It shocks the system, knocks you for a loop, I do admit to crying over a few of these deaths. Makes one come away wanting to gather their own loved ones closer and tell them how much you love them.:heartbeat

seanpdent, ADN, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP · Feb 16, 2008

When I was a new nurse working on the ICU, I had the unfortunate luck of seeing a lot of deaths in a very short time during my first month as a new nurse. Everything from terminal extubations, long term illnesses and of course pt's coding.

I don't think there is every a 'normal' feeling after a pt dies. Everyone deals with it differently. Some cry, some don't. It's each to his own.

The only piece of advice I could give is to never stop caring about how you feel.

Best of luck.

MelBel · Feb 17, 2008

Working geriatrics, we get a lot of "expected" deaths. We also have a hospice room...people come to that room to die. We also get younger patients who die young for one reason or another.

I thought I wouldn't handle it well, but death is a natural part of life I've come to realize. And it is part of my job to help people to die comfortably, without pushing them faster than they need to be pushed.

I've learned that I don't want to die from CHF, or cancer, or COPD. Those patients look MISERABLE at the end. The patients who have massive cerebral hemorrhages look incredibly comfortable....there usually seems to be a peace about them. Those patients tend to die quickly...and it is very hard on the families, which is the harder part for me.

I had my first code this morning Don't know yet if the pt will pull through or not. But that one might hit me a little more, because it wasn't expected. Who knows.

I've never (and hopefully never will!) have to deal with a fetal death. Or a child's death. I'm sure that is completely different that what I've experienced.

potatomasher · Feb 17, 2008

Well, yesterday I had my first expired case. The patient was so young to suffer stroke at such young age. :-( After my shift I went out with some friends to eat pizza and have a nice conversation together, which made me feel better. When I got home, I was like looking to my loved ones, in a different way...it made me think that I should let me know that I love them before something happens to them.