Dealing with death...

[RN in pink]

I can't get this situation out of my head. I'm a new grad and was only observing, but I feel such sadness. I watched as a teenager was pronounced dead in our trauma room after being shot multiple times. This is not what bothered me...what got me was what happened about 15 minutes later. The family of this kid showed up and of course were not allowed to view the body, since it is now a coronor's case. This family was screaming and flailing, and experiencing a grief I can only immagine. They were led into a room for privacy, but everyone (the patients in rooms with doors shut) in the entire ER was asking about what was going on. I just keep thinking about what a messed up world this is that this kid was killed tonight. I keep thinking about what the family must be going through right now. I never want to become so hardened that I don't care, but I don't want to get a lump in my throat that persists even when I'm home either. Does this ever get any easier??

[Bibagirl]

My patient died last night, 59 years old, he just got to CTICU from the OR,, post CABG, and everything was going along fine, then 40 mins later, he crashed, went back to the OR and died there. The family was in shock, so was I, it was all going so well.... This afternoon, I was sad and cried, I still feel bad, very down. I can only imagine what the wife is going through.

I'm torn about looking for his obituary in the paper tomorrow, I want to know a little more about him, (as I only knew him for 40 mins,), and I guess I want to know what kind of a man he was. I just don't want to get sad all ove again.

[AirforceRN, RN]

I think it really speaks to the strength of nurses that we are able to continue after things such as this. I cannot think of another profession that sees so many untimely deaths, figures a way to cope with it and returns the next day fully charged and ready to care. I have been told so many times (as I'm sure you all have) "I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to." You know how we do it? We're special:)

[cccnurse]

It does get easier; it doesn't get better.

What helped me cope was becoming more comfortable with the thought of my own death and becoming comfortable with knowing that someday it's going to happen to me. I fully plan on a lot of kicking and screaming on my part first, but some day it will happen.

When this day comes I too will have family members who will be sad, with this in mind I treat the family of these patients with the same respect I would want my family treated.

Then when I have completed all the tasks and paper work required, I take a break, step outside, take a deep breath, look at the sky, and thank my Great Spirit for letting me have that one more breath and the sky above my head.

Then I step back inside and go back for more, because that is what we do, we are ER nurses.

[WDWpixieRN, RN]

Then when I have completed all the tasks and paper work required, I take a break, step outside, take a deep breath, look at the sky, and thank my Great Spirit for letting me have that one more breath and the sky above my head.

Then I step back inside and go back for more, because that is what we do, we are ER nurses.

:yelclap:

Beautiful....

[RN in pink]

I am so greatful for all these responses, they have truley validated my emotions. I spoke with my preceptor yesterday and did not get answers even close to these. He told me not to take it home with me and dwell on it. He said that if I do, I won't last more than two or three years. I see his point. But, he didn't tell me that it is ok to feel sad or cry and then move on.

He told me this kid more than likely had done something to someone who had finally found him and taken his revenge. The thing is, I don't care what kind of person he was or how he lived his life, he was a human being. We see jail patients and I treat them the exact same way I do the little old lady who goes to church three times a week.

I remember the first child I took care of when I worked in a psychiatric unit, who had been raped and molested by every male member of her family. I felt sick and cried when I read her chart. But, I went on and took care of her and others in similar situations. Perhaps dealing with the human side of death will be similar.

[alwayslearnin]

Greetings,

Just wanted to share a peice of my experience. Have worked in Rural ER for almost 2 years- saw a 21 yr old that went under a boat propeller-she was with other siblings on a church outing. Horrible experience. Thought about it alot for the next few days and questioned if I should take a new job that was bieng offered to me in a level II ER where I would probably be exposed to more trauma than where I was currently working-I questioned if I wanted to "expose" myself to that kind of senseless death and all of the surrounding emotions of family and friends.

I did exactly what you are doing. I wrote to this forum and got experience. I talked with a few other ER nurses who had been around-and I cried.

I took that new job and have been exposed to alot more than I have ever seen at my rural Er job. But not all Trauma or death is the same. Some affect me more than others. I know now though how important it is to reach out to my fellows in the ER and get support and to acknowledge and work through those emotions in a way that works for me. Sometimes part of the process is finding out what works for you. I had the critical debriefing on the boating accident-what helped me more was the 0ne-on-one afterwords with a doctor.

I haven't forgotten that young lady. But the memories are not as pain-filled. And I remember some good lessons from it that I can take with me on my other trauama's.

Keep reaching out and doing what you need to do to take care of you! Good luck

alwayslearnin