A loving story of a Mother, receiving TERMINAL CANCER diagnosis that places the Daughter/ Nurse in a heart-wrenching position. And the unusual way that decision was made, allowing for the enjoyment of LIFE, and a peaceful transition.
Moral courage is sometimes a shared experience. I have always had the realization that sometime in my Nursing career, I would be faced with the task of assisting my patient while they receive a terminal diagnosis. Allowing the patient time to process such information, and to make personal decisions based on their preferences and needs, is just a small part of nursing care.
But never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think, that it would be my very own MOTHER... sitting next to me,
And while I gently held her hand... Hearing the doctor say...
"YOU HAVE TERMINAL LUNG CANCER"
As you can well imagine, it was such terrible news to hear. And of course many questions surfaced. You know those "What If" questions...What if we did surgery. ... What if we did radiation? BUT all we heard back from the doctor was more negativity...
"IN-OPERABLE and TERMINAL"!!
This diagnosis was not at all what we expected to hear. As the daughter of the patient in the room, I remained quiet, trying to simply process the news, allowing my Mother to ask questions that I knew she had. But then... the Pulmonologist began insisting that she return to the hospital and undergo a Bronchoscopy procedure. Momma looked at the Doctor and simply asked him...
"WHAT IF I DON'T WANT ANY TREATMENT FOR THIS CANCER"?
The response from the Doctor was....
"WELL, I think you are being very SELFISH at this point"
As you can imagine I abruptly abandoned the Daughter role and "NURSE TAMMY, LVN" went into action. I quickly reminded the Doctor that this was not his decision to make. The patient has the right to be educated about her diagnosis and treatment options, and would require more time to come to reach a decision. I told him the he had No RIGHT telling any patient that they were being selfish!! He angrily stood up and left us alone in the room.
It seemed like we sat there together for an eternity..on the 12th floor of the office building, studying the Houston skyline.
The ride back home was so quiet. There was a lot of thinking and soul searching going on that day. The Pulmonologist's office called the very next day, with the arrangements that had already been made for the Bronchoscopy. (This doctor was persistent!!). Two long days went by, and then one day after class I sat down in Momma's room to visit. I could tell she had been really battling this decision. As her daughter, I just could not give her an answer...."permission to die".
BUT approaching this situation as a NURSE... I simply looked into her beautiful face and said...
"DO YOU REALLY CARE WHAT KIND OF CANCER CELLS ARE GROWING IN YOUR LUNGS"?
She looked up at me, eyes wide opened, and shook her head NO...
I then simply smiled at her and said....
"I THINK YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER"!!
Such a tremendous release poured from her face at that point. She quickly began living the rest her life, spoiling her family with as much LOVE as she could.
She never regretted her decision.
As Nurse's... we are taught to become the patients advocate. We are there to offer teaching, protection, and to offer support... taking into consideration the wishes of the patient. We must find that inner moral courage and strength to be able to help our patients...and yes, even sometimes our very own MOTHER ... make the best choices and decisions regarding their personal care and spiritual well-being.
Specializes in Acute Pulmonary, Intermediate Care.
What a touching story. Thank you for sharing it and I am confident that you will bless many, many families in your chosen specialty. My condolences on your losses. I too lost my father to lung cancer a few years back, and was so grateful for the care we received with hospice... I do believe that it was one, of many, catalyst to my entering the profession. You must be thrilled to be so close to graduation. Congratulations! I'm right behind you-- next May for me.
Wow, I feel like I have just read a page out of my own life. I am in my third semester of nursing school (RN) and everything seemed perfect until 1/19/11. My mom had noticed some swelling in her legs and as the nurse I told her she needed to see the doctor not expecting anything serious. 5 weeks later my mom passed away from small cell lung cancer that had metastasized to the liver and bones. As hard as it was, I had to stand by my mom as the daughter and nurse. She needed me to explain to her what was going on and knowing the seriousness of her condition made it so much harder. The daughter in me wanted her to fight and stay with us but the nurse in me knew that doing it would only bring her pain and suffering. During all of this, my mom promised me not to withdraw from school for the semester because she knew that graduation was just around the corner. As a daughter and nurse this was the hardest thing I have had to experience.
Wow, I feel like I have just read a page out of my own life. I am in my third semester of nursing school (RN) and everything seemed perfect until 1/19/11. My mom had noticed some swelling in her legs and as the nurse I told her she needed to see the doctor not expecting anything serious. 5 weeks later my mom passed away from small cell lung cancer that had metastasized to the liver and bones. As hard as it was, I had to stand by my mom as the daughter and nurse. She needed me to explain to her what was going on and knowing the seriousness of her condition made it so much harder. The daughter in me wanted her to fight and stay with us but the nurse in me knew that doing it would only bring her pain and suffering. During all of this, my mom promised me not to withdraw from school for the semester because she knew that graduation was just around the corner. As a daughter and nurse this was the hardest thing I have had to experience.
You are a great daughter and nurse to be there for her and not make her fight a losing battle just for a few extra days with her...Stick to your promise and go on to graduate.
Mine made me promise to have some fun in my life.. I have already achieved the nursing goal with 23 yrs in. So it is looking more and more like I will not return to nursing. Even when I loved my job I can not say it was fun.
Best of luck with your last semester and the boards.
Thank you Tammy... I lost my mom December 27, 2002 to terminal lung cancer. I was in nursing school at the time and while my mother decided to do pallative chemo and radiation it was her choice . She also had a wonderful oncologist and I think you will be a wonderful oncology nurse as a result of your experiences in this area.
Thank you for this article.. It made me realize other nurses have lost parents when they were attending school as well. I always have felt a little guilty though I did take care of my mom at night after classes and my sister did during the day and we were helped by hospice as well... God bless you ....
Your story touched me so much. My mother found out 9/2/10 she had Stage IV Ovarian Cancer and was given 3 to 6 months to live. It was a family decision to not put her through surgery and chemotherapy. My mother also had dementia and really did not understand everything that was going on. She stayed at home until the last week of her life when she was admitted to a Hospice unit in a local hospital. I live in Idaho and could not be there with her and my Dad during her illness. Christmas was very sad because neither one of my parents felt like attending the family get-together. (My Dad suffered from emphysema and macular degeneration as well as worrying about my mother.) Mother died on my Dad's 89th birthday, 2/6/11. My Dad died 5 days later, 2/11/11. As the daughter I also did not want to give either one "permission to die." As the nurse, I told them it was okay. As the daughter, I told them both I loved them and would miss them very much but I would be okay - they had taught me well. As the nurse, I did whatever I could to make their last days as good as they could be. It has been 6 months and I still have my moments of anger, sadness, loneliness, guilt. I know I will get through this and they are in Heaven watching over me as my guardian angels. It has made me a better nurse for all my patients but especially my Hospice patients and their families. May God bless you - and me - as we continue to work to make the last days easier and allow our patients to die with dignity.
In memory of my Mother, Mattie White, and Father, John White
FireHorseNinja
38 Posts
What a touching story. Thank you for sharing it and I am confident that you will bless many, many families in your chosen specialty. My condolences on your losses. I too lost my father to lung cancer a few years back, and was so grateful for the care we received with hospice... I do believe that it was one, of many, catalyst to my entering the profession. You must be thrilled to be so close to graduation. Congratulations! I'm right behind you-- next May for me.