Dam Beavers!!

[Farkinott, RN]

I came across this on the 'net. No doubt you'll love it as much as me!

Subject: Dam Builders

The Department of Environment Quality, State of Michigan sent a letter

to a

man named Ryan DeVries stating that:

'there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced

parcel

of property.

You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who

did the

following

unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet

stream of

Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been

issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in

violation

of Part 301,

Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental

Protection Act,

Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to

324.30113 of

the

Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially

failed during

a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream

locations.

We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be

permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities

at

this location,

and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood

and

brush

forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be

completed no

later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so

that a

follow-up

site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with

this

request or any

further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being

referred for elevated

enforcement action.

* Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,

Pierson,

Michigan.

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining

two

wood "debris"

dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I

think

they would be

highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building

materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their

dam

project any time

and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their

dam

skills, their

dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their

dam

determination

and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must

first fill out a

dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first

dam

question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said

dam

request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through

the

Freedom of

Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other

applicable

beaver

dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really

is a

dam violation

of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and

Environmental

Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections

324.30101

to

324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers

entitled

to legal

representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and

are

unable to pay

for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with

a dam

lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed

during a recent

rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural

occurrence,

which the

Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the

Spring Pond

Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please

contact the beavers

-- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any

attention to your

dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build

their

unauthorized dams

as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows

downstream.

They have more

dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department

of

Natural Resources

and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

the

natural resources

(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the

beavers and

I are

concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement

action right now.

Why wait until1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam

ice

then and

there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them

then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real

environmental quality (health)

problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you

should

be persecuting the

defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!

(The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to

contact

you on your

dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU. RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

[smileystudent]

:roll That is one funny dam letter. :roll

[Torachan]

Thanks for sharing that with us. It made me laugh. What would be good is to hear their response

[donmurray]

It seems it's true, if a little old! :chuckle

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm