Well, it's been about four or five weeks since school started, and I've been having a bit of a hard time coping thusfar. We got our first AP2 test back yesterday, which was over blood, the cardiovascular system, and the lymphatic system. I felt so confident. I finished the test, I went back over my answers, and I felt great about it. I made a 60. Lowest score in the class.
I studied as best I could. But I also work full time in a LTC, where they told me to begin with I could study as much as I wanted to after the residents went to bed, so long as I caught my call lights. Then they put me on a hall where three women in particular stay on their call lights from the time we put them to bed until we make final round. They swore to me they would assign me to the rehab hall, where most of the pts are self sufficient, only two of which are incontinent, and I wouldn't have to be on my feet the whole 8 hours. But, no, they put me on the more populated long term hall.
By the time I get off of work, I'm exhausted, having been up since 6 in the morning. I do my best to study when I get home, but it's all I can do to keep my eyes open. I'm no spring chicken, I get tired. I can't pull all nighters like most of my fellow students.
So I came to the realization that if I can't get a decent grade in AP, I'm going to have a helluva time in Chem and Micro, neither of which I have studied before. I didn't take biology OR chemistry in high school, which was years ago anyway. I did take AP, and in AP1, I had a solid B (one point shy of an A). Now I'm starting out this semester with a D. I don't want to drop and lose my funding, but I'm scared I'm not going to be able to recover from this first test.
I've considered cutting my hours back at work, but I can't really afford to do that. I have already talked to my other teacher whose class I'm having a problem with and he was real helpful. "If you don't get poetry, there's no sense in staying in Comp 2. You might as well drop." Gee, thanks. I'm still going to have to take it again later. What do I do then? Fake my way through it? Poetry makes NO sense to me. Yes, I read the poems assigned, but I have no idea what they are about. It's like I'm reading Russian. And, before anyone asks, the only learning disability I have is ADD. I'm not dyslexic.
So I have narrowed down the possibilities. I can tough it out for this semester then not return (which would suck, because I atleast need a degree in SOMETHING), or I can switch my major. I had originally planned on going to school for my Bachelors in Agricultural Education, and now I'm considering this course instead of what I'm doing. I can finish this semester, hope for a C on my nursing pre-reqs, and change majors when I go to register for classes for Spring. Most everyone would understand. I can maintain my job as a CNA through school, as it's the first job I've ever had that I find atleast tolerable. But then I could graduate with my degree and be an Agri teacher at (hopefully) a local school. I already know I can teach just about every shop course, only needing a slight refresher in Forestry and small engine repair. Welding, general shop, animal sciences are no brainers for me. I know this stuff like the back of my hand. Maybe I was fooling myself thinking I could be a nurse. Maybe -- just maybe -- it's more than I expected it to be. Or maybe I'm just overwhelmed with work and school.
So, my question is this. Is nursing, a career that I have kicked around in my head for the past ten years, really worth the stress and sacrifices I'm about to have to make to make it happen? Or would I be better off going down my original career path, becoming an Agri teacher, and touch the lives of people in a different way?
