Cover letter needs some serious help.

RunBabyRN · Feb 14, 2015

When you're writing your cover letters for jobs, look at the company's mission statement. What are their values? How do they relate to how YOU choose to be a nurse? Draw from that when you're writing. I have several drafts of cover letters, and I continually change them for each job. It's very clear when you have a single form letter that you send to everyone. Having one that shows that you love their company and values and are a great match for what matters to THEM will help you.

Yes, you can abbreviate the college name after spelling it out the first time. You could put the initials after spelling it out [eg. Alpha Bravo College (ABC)]. I wouldn't even go into where you did you AAS, just say that you have your RN and are working to obtain your BSN (no need to waste space spelling out that degree name, BTW) at Fantastic University (FU). The first two sentences of the second paragraph can easily be shortened to acknowledge both degrees. Make sure that you also include that you are a LICENSED NURSE, as it is unclear from your wording, aside from RN after your name (which should stay there!).

In real life, try to get the nurse recruiter's name, or try to pay attention to any wording in the ad or whatever. We don't always have this luxury, but do what you can.

General word of caution with cover letters- be careful about starting nearly every sentence with "I". For example, for your first sentence, "Please find my resume attached for consideration for the pediatric nurse position with Your Amazing Hospital." Then launch into the wonderful things about YAH that appeal to you, how their values speak to you, how you will be SUCH a great fit for them.

Don't bother with when the job was posted. Wasted space.

For the grocery store job, instead of saying, "during school," which alludes to 2, maybe 3 years, say, "For the past 7 years, I have worked for This Grocery Store. During that time, I have developed a passion for excellent customer service, something that I feel will serve me well as a nurse." Something like that. Don't go into your job duties. Do that on your resume. Also note, no sentences starting with "I". :) I like the last two sentences in that paragraph, but if you choose not to name the schools, you could just say (in that spot), "my nursing education".

In the last paragraph, don't put that your e-mail is listed below. Put it right there as well. Make it BEYOND easy for them to know how to get in touch with you.

Others may disagree with me, but I put all of my contact info at the top, just as I have on my resume. For mine, it's consistent with my references, cover letter, and resume, so it all looks uniform. Then you don't put it at the bottom. But do keep your phone number and e-mail address in the letter.

If you are able to explain HOW you provide amazing customer service, HOW you provide holistic care, HOW you are a team player, that can help, too. You don't have to get into a bunch of examples, but something like, "Listening to my patients helps me to attend to their needs, which allows me to provide holistic care, something I see is important to Your Amazing Hospital." (Again, sentence doesn't start with "I"! Also a great opportunity to reference their mission statement) This will give your letter some meat without looking like you're trying to fill up white space, and your current letter looks like you're trying to do just that (like spelling out your degrees- a nurse recruiter knows what a BSN is).

I hope that all helps!

blah_blah_blah · Feb 14, 2015

When you're writing your cover letters for jobs, look at the company's mission statement. What are their values? How do they relate to how YOU choose to be a nurse? Draw from that when you're writing. I have several drafts of cover letters, and I continually change them for each job. It's very clear when you have a single form letter that you send to everyone. Having one that shows that you love their company and values and are a great match for what matters to THEM will help you.
Yes, you can abbreviate the college name after spelling it out the first time. You could put the initials after spelling it out [eg. Alpha Bravo College (ABC)]. I wouldn't even go into where you did you AAS, just say that you have your RN and are working to obtain your BSN (no need to waste space spelling out that degree name, BTW) at Fantastic University (FU). The first two sentences of the second paragraph can easily be shortened to acknowledge both degrees. Make sure that you also include that you are a LICENSED NURSE, as it is unclear from your wording, aside from RN after your name (which should stay there!).
In real life, try to get the nurse recruiter's name, or try to pay attention to any wording in the ad or whatever. We don't always have this luxury, but do what you can.
General word of caution with cover letters- be careful about starting nearly every sentence with "I". For example, for your first sentence, "Please find my resume attached for consideration for the pediatric nurse position with Your Amazing Hospital." Then launch into the wonderful things about YAH that appeal to you, how their values speak to you, how you will be SUCH a great fit for them.
Don't bother with when the job was posted. Wasted space.
For the grocery store job, instead of saying, "during school," which alludes to 2, maybe 3 years, say, "For the past 7 years, I have worked for This Grocery Store. During that time, I have developed a passion for excellent customer service, something that I feel will serve me well as a nurse." Something like that. Don't go into your job duties. Do that on your resume. Also note, no sentences starting with "I". :) I like the last two sentences in that paragraph, but if you choose not to name the schools, you could just say (in that spot), "my nursing education".
In the last paragraph, don't put that your e-mail is listed below. Put it right there as well. Make it BEYOND easy for them to know how to get in touch with you.
Others may disagree with me, but I put all of my contact info at the top, just as I have on my resume. For mine, it's consistent with my references, cover letter, and resume, so it all looks uniform. Then you don't put it at the bottom. But do keep your phone number and e-mail address in the letter.
If you are able to explain HOW you provide amazing customer service, HOW you provide holistic care, HOW you are a team player, that can help, too. You don't have to get into a bunch of examples, but something like, "Listening to my patients helps me to attend to their needs, which allows me to provide holistic care, something I see is important to Your Amazing Hospital." (Again, sentence doesn't start with "I"! Also a great opportunity to reference their mission statement) This will give your letter some meat without looking like you're trying to fill up white space, and your current letter looks like you're trying to do just that (like spelling out your degrees- a nurse recruiter knows what a BSN is).
I hope that all helps!

Thanks so much! You've given me tons of ideas! =]

I do have the name of the nurse recruiter for the facility I want to apply to, so I will fill that in accordingly =]

blah_blah_blah · Feb 16, 2015

I hope that all helps!

I have since revised my cover letter... What do you think?

Dear [nurse recruiter]:

I am writing in response to the pediatric nurse position at Children's Hospital as advertised on the Children's Health careers website. Pediatrics has always been an interest of mine and I look forward to the opportunity presented by this nursing position.

I am a Registered Nurse currently enrolled at Random College where I am working toward my BSN to be conferred in May 2015. For the past 7 years, I have worked as a customer service representative at Grocery Store. During that time, I have developed a passion for excellent customer service, exceptional communication skills, efficiency, and teamwork. Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families. I would love to be part of the Children's Hospital nursing team as your vision of accountability, integrity, excellence, and patient centered care are very similar to the principles I value as a health care professional.

Please find my resume attached for consideration for the pediatric nurse position. I can be reached at (XXX) XXX-XXXX or at [email protected] at your convenience. Thank you for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Me, R.N.

________________________________

a few more questions.. I have no experience minus my clinicals for school... Should I put that after the part where I say "Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families during my clinical experiences."

should I put somewhere in the body of my letter my interest in peds? I don't want my cover letter so seem like a generic one that I just send to everyone

RunBabyRN · Feb 16, 2015

I have since revised my cover letter... What do you think?
Dear [nurse recruiter]:
I am writing in response to the pediatric nurse position at Children's Hospital as advertised on the Children's Health careers website. Pediatrics has always been an interest of mine and I look forward to the opportunity presented by this nursing position.
I am a Registered Nurse currently enrolled at Random College where I am working toward my BSN to be conferred in May 2015. For the past 7 years, I have worked as a customer service representative at Grocery Store. During that time, I have developed a passion for excellent customer service, exceptional communication skills, efficiency, and teamwork. Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families. I would love to be part of the Children's Hospital nursing team as your vision of accountability, integrity, excellence, and patient centered care are very similar to the principles I value as a health care professional.
Please find my resume attached for consideration for the pediatric nurse position. I can be reached at (XXX) XXX-XXXX or at [email protected] at your convenience. Thank you for your consideration and I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Me, R.N.
________________________________
a few more questions.. I have no experience minus my clinicals for school... Should I put that after the part where I say "Those skills paired with my nursing education have allowed me to provide high quality patient centered care to both the patient and their families during my clinical experiences."
should I put somewhere in the body of my letter my interest in peds? I don't want my cover letter so seem like a generic one that I just send to everyone

I think this letter is greatly improved, including the wording about your patient-centered care. Don't stress too much about that one. They will see your experience from your resume. You could change "have allowed me" to "allow me", which puts it more in the present, even though you are not yet working as a nurse.

Yes, I would expand more in the first paragraph that peds is a huge interest of yours, and maybe even touch on why, what sparked your interest in peds.

I would rework the last sentence of the second paragraph to take out "similar", because it then begs the question, "Okay, so how do these principles deviate from your own?" Maybe that's splitting hairs, but just my take.

blah_blah_blah · Feb 16, 2015

I think this letter is greatly improved, including the wording about your patient-centered care. Don't stress too much about that one. They will see your experience from your resume. You could change "have allowed me" to "allow me", which puts it more in the present, even though you are not yet working as a nurse.
Yes, I would expand more in the first paragraph that peds is a huge interest of yours, and maybe even touch on why, what sparked your interest in peds.
I would rework the last sentence of the second paragraph to take out "similar", because it then begs the question, "Okay, so how do these principles deviate from your own?" Maybe that's splitting hairs, but just my take.

I'll be sure to make those changes. how does this sound for why i enjoy peds?

"Pediatrics has always been an interest of mine as it has been my most rewarding clinical experience while in nursing school. I look forward to the opportunity presented by this nursing position."

Thanks for all your help and input. I actually feel good about sending this cover letter now :yes:

RunBabyRN · Feb 16, 2015

That is a good way to phrase it. Did you know before nursing school that peds would interest you? If so, why? People will ask in interviews why this specialty, and showing true passion will be very appealing. Be honest, because it shows if you're being fake about it. I am about to start a job in urology (my goal is L&D). The MD and the PA that I'll be working for asked if I have interest in this specialty during one of my interviews. While the thought of playing with prostates all day isn't ideal, I find the kidneys fascinating, and they really seem to be a barometer for what's going on with the rest of the body. I said this (omitting the first part!!) and elaborated a bit. Be honest about what interests you! :)