cover letter critique please

[vengeance]

I am writing in response to a recent job posting on the xxx Hospital career page for an emergency department R.N. As you can see from my resume I graduated in xx 2014 with a Masters in Nursing and have over 20 years experience as a Paramedic. I continued my full time employment as a Paramedic while attending the MSN program full time. I feel this gave me the opportunity to put into practice what I was learning both in didactic coursework as well as clinical. I am continuing to work as a Paramedic until I gain employment as an R.N to maintain my skills.

I feel that my experience in the field makes me a much stronger emergency department R.N. candidate. I perform well under pressure and I know how to make decisions while working in stressful scenarios. I have 24 years of emergency patient care behind me. I am familiar with most any emergency scenario that a patient could present.

I am in the process of relocating from xx to xx. I have applied for xx R.N. endorsement. I am very interested in starting my nursing career at xx Hospital. I look forward to speaking with you about employment opportunities. If there is any additional information you would like me to provide, please feel free to contact me. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

Nothing wrong with the content. I would separate some of the statements, as reading a blocky 2 paragraph letter does not let certain points stand out. So, here are my few suggestions. I will just rewrite your letter to show you what I mean: My italics show the few places I rearranged a sentence or added something to make it read more smoothly.

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I am writing in response to a recent job posting on the xxx Hospital career page for an emergency department RN.

As you can see from my resume, I graduated in xx 2014 with a Masters in Nursing, and have over twenty yeas of experience as a Paramedic. I continued my full time employment as a Paramedic while attending the MSN program full time. I feel this gave me the opportunity to put into practice what I was learning both in didactic coursework as well as clinical. I am continuing to work as a Paramedic to maintain my skills until I gain employment as an RN.

I feel that my experience in the field makes me a much stronger Emergency Department RN candidate for the following reasons:

I perform well under pressure and know how to make decisions while working in stressful scenarios. I have twenty-four years of emergency patient care behind me. I am familiar with most any emergency scenario that a patient could present.

I am in the process of relocating from xx to xx, and have applied for xx RN endorsement.

I am very interested in starting my nursing career at xxx Hospital to our mutual benefit. I look forward to speaking with you about employment opportunities.

If there is any additional information you would like me to provide, please feel free to contact me. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

[vengeance]

thank you!

[scaredsilly, BSN, RN]

Be aware that your experience and skill sets are going to be obvious in your resume. Redundancy here is going to make them stop reading. The cover letter should have less about your experience and more about how you fit in with the facility. I think you should shorten paragraph 2 to something like this:

I continued my full time employment as a Paramedic while obtaining my MSN. This gave me the opportunity to put into practice what I was learning both in didactic coursework as well as clinical. I am continuing to work as a Paramedic to maintain my skills until I gain employment as an RN.

Third paragraph is good.

I would change the last two paragraphs:

I am very interested in starting my nursing career at xxx Hospital because your core values of xxxx(look on heir website and get familiar with what those are!) match my personal nursing philosophy. (be specific here, add content and make it very obvious that you did your homework on the facility and have a vested interest in working there because blah blah blah)

I would change the last paragraph completely to something like this:

I look forward to speaking to you soon to discuss how I would fit in as part of the (facility name) family.

No need to add your phone number, it and your email should be at the top of your resume.

Also, if the job for the ED RN has a job posing number, add that to the first paragraph.